Chapter 3: Reincarnation is a Technical Skill
“Hey, hurry up and ‘live back’! …Don’t let them actually bury you.”
While Xiao Yu and his driver were dragging Shou Jiaxun up from the ground to move him into the car, the Underworld female customer service rep was still shouting in Shou Jiaxunâs mind.
But President Shou currently didn’t care at all whether Student Xiao presided over a burial or a cremation for him.
The more complex the problem, the more one must grasp the key points and make choices. His “key point” right now was forcing Idiot Meng to give him a “refund.”
As long as his “Reincarnate at Will” was re-cast once, all the problems Shou Jiaxun currently faced would cease to be problems.
However, just because President Shou could keep his cool didn’t mean the Underworld customer service could.
The “Reincarnate at Will” package Shou Jiaxun ordered was expensive. If he got taken out the moment he reincarnated, the little customer service rep would lose at least half a year’s performance bonus.
“AhâHoly sht! Don’t touch him! You motherfcker!”
The young girl swore profusely, banging clang clang on the tablet: “What to do… What the f*ck do I do…” She was clearly scared numb.
Shou Jiaxun didn’t care if she was scared crazy or scared silly; he held onto the contract in his mind and wouldn’t let go: “Page six! Comrade Xiao Meng, first look at this ‘Right to Know’ on page six. Stop worrying blindly, okay? Anyway, no matter how anxious you are, you can’t move into the third dimension. Come, come, come, look at the contract with me first.”
“Wait wait wait wait waitâ” The Underworld customer service dragged out a crying tone, stuttering and talking to herself: “This, this… this one! Oh my god, apply a ‘Love Brain’ first… Eh? Take effect, damn it, take effect quickly…”
In the neighboring dimension, Xiao Yuâs footsteps paused slightly. He looked down at Shou Jiaxun, who was being dragged under his driver’s armpit like a dead dog, and his heart suddenly tightened, feeling inexplicably uncomfortable.
The driver walked hurriedly, opened the car door, threw Shou Jiaxun horizontally onto the back seat, and looked back to ask the little boss: “Young Master, which hospital do you think is suitable for us to ‘bury’ him in? Or should we call Dr. Cai to go to the house?”
“Look at him, does he look like he has money to stay in a hospital? …Tch!” Student Xiao clicked his tongue in disdain. “Send him to the ‘Li Mai’ school infirmary. It’s free.”
The driver was astonished: “I think he looks a bit serious. Sending him to the school infirmaryâwon’t that delay treatment for a major illness?”
“I’m not his dad; do I care if it’s delayed? Sending him back to school is already benevolent and righteous.”
Student Xiao looked impatient. After getting into the car, he muttered, “His dad lost money in business and ran away. Even his biological dad doesn’t care about him; am I supposed to care? I’m not a sucker.”
“Tsk.” The middle-aged driver didn’t seem to agree, but then he chuckled twice, softly concurring: “That is true.”
The grassroots civil servant of the Underworld curled her lips, complaining softly: “So they aren’t really going to bury him. Scared me to death… tsk tsk.”
But while Comrade Xiao Meng breathed a sigh of relief, her brows furrowed even tighter: “What happened? Is my machine broken? …Where did the ‘Love Brain’ load to?” She started muttering and banging on the tablet clang clang again.
Her machine wasn’t broken, but it was a bit slow.
Shou Jiaxun looked on with amusement, raising his brows to take a glance. The high-definition screen displayed: Xiao Yu’s “Love Brain” for Shou Jiaxun is loading. Estimated completion time: 5 hours and 23 minutes remaining.
“Pfft… Cough!” President Shou couldn’t help but laugh, hurriedly coughing to straighten his face: “Comrade Xiao Meng, let’s look at the contract first.”
Comrade Xiao Meng felt deeply exhausted, sighing long and short: “Working for the masses is not easy.”
“Then how about you step down and I’ll do it?” President Shou suggested with a smile. “I think your job is not bad. It’s all passersby, one-time deals. Worry-free, easy to fool people. I like it.”
“I never said I didn’t want to do it!” The Underworld civil servant denied decisively: “In one’s position, one must plan for its affairs. Do what you do and love what you do. I, Elizabeth Yuling Yelizi Meng, serve the people and enjoy it.”
After speaking, she snatched back the tablet and swiped her finger to enlarge the font size: “Look clearly. The ‘Right to Know’ mentioned here means that customer service personnel cannot conceal anything from client inquiries and have an obligation to explain in detail. That is to say, if you ask, I will answer. But did you ask earlier? You didn’t ask, so what was I supposed to say?”
“That doesn’t seem to be the case.” President Shouâs tone carried a smile, very calm. “Combine it with the ‘Process Map’ on the third page. There is a node here called ‘Explanation.’ Having a node means it is a necessary step. You tried to save trouble and omitted a key node in the necessary process of my order, leading to a huge disagreement between Party A and Party B in this service. …I think you really don’t want to do this job anymore.”
Idiot Meng was completely deflated this time. Her silence lasted longer than the reboot of a 486 vintage computer.
“Giv… Given that you are a distinguished Gold Card client of our company, that is to say… well, there happens to be a promotional event recently. We can… um, we can, add some additional… additional…”
Whether due to being overwhelmed or feeling guilty and short of breath, the little customer service rep’s speech frequency stuttered like a 486 vintage computer too.
Shou Jiaxun chuckled softly but didn’t rush her, waiting quietly for the silly girl to slowly “squeeze out the toothpaste.”
“That is to say, well… the ‘hardware’ on your side is what you see is what you get; it definitely can’t be changed… But, but, but! The software still has a lot of room for adjustment.”
“For example?” President Shou prompted at the right time.
“For example, regarding the ‘Lying Win’ part, we can lock in a ‘Female Big Shot.’ Although a double-O romance is a bit non-mainstream, it doesn’t matter. As long as you like it, gender isn’t an issue. Then for the ‘Descendants Filling the Hall’ part, we’ll adjust it to ‘Non-discriminatory Adoption.’ What do you think?”
President Shou pursed his lips and frowned, using his facial features to clearly express his dissatisfaction.
“This ‘Lying Win’ of yours is purely a bug. I can’t accept it. I’m not a sex toy; I don’t have a fetish for selling my body. Men or women, I don’t accept either.”
“Neither men nor women work…” The little girl’s expression was as tangled as if she had been constipated for a whole week. After hesitating for a long time, she cautiously suggested: “How about… transgender, Fourth Love?”
“I choose cremation.”
“What?” Comrade Xiao Meng didn’t understand.
Shou Jiaxun sneered: “After cremation, I’ll go find your leader to file a complaint.”
“No, no, no, wait, wait, wait…”
The Underworld civil servant knew that if she didn’t bring out the “heavy artillery,” she definitely wouldn’t be able to hold the fort.
“You can’t reduce or change the items you’ve already selected, but we can stack Buffs. Let’s add a ‘One-Vote Veto,’ then add a ‘Husband-Prospering Luck.’ The right to choose a spouse returns to your hands!”
This time it was Shou Jiaxunâs turn to not understand: “Speak human language!”
“Don’t make it hard for me!”
President Shou crossed his arms and rolled his eyes: “Trouble you to explain the ghost talk clearly.”
The little customer service rep coughed dryly, cleared her throat, and interpreted with perfect enunciation: “‘One-Vote Veto’ means that people you don’t like can never enter a romantic or marital relationship with you. It is a non-mutually exclusive option with ‘Loved by All.’ This means that others liking you is their business; no matter how many people outside approve, it has nothing to do with you. You only need to choose the one you like. On this basis, stacking ‘Husband-Prospering Luck’ means whoever you choose becomes your leading male lead. Even if he was a begging tramp before, as long as he’s chosen by you, he can pick up a lottery ticket and win the jackpot, then give you a ‘Lying Win’ life free of worries about food and clothing. This guarantees your contract rights of ‘Reaping without Sowing.'”
“That’s a bit interesting.” President Shou looked approving, but his attitude was only a very reserved nod. “What if I don’t choose?”
“Don’t choose? …If you don’t choose, then you don’t choose.” The little girl forced a smile: “Luck isn’t soda; it has no expiration date. You can choose anytime within your lifespan. If you never choose, it counts as forfeiting. It doesn’t matter.”
Shou Jiaxun took a few minutes to figure it out and felt that this was acceptable, so he nodded clearly: “Fine, I accept this part.”
The little customer service rep smiled awkwardly: “Okay, then I’ll cut the red string between you and Xiao Yu now?”
Shou Jiaxun didn’t hesitate at all: “Cut it, cut it quickly.”
The Underworld civil servant cut his marriage thread and quietly wiped the cold sweat from her forehead, feeling like she had survived a tribulation and could retire with merit.
“Mr. President Shou, can you ‘live back’ now?”
Shou Jiaxun kindly pointed out: “‘President’ and ‘Mr.’ are both titles. Don’t say them together; speaking like that makes you seem particularly uncultured.”
This earned a silent greeting in the little girl’s heart: Fck.*
“Don’t curse.”
“Oh.”
Only after answering did the little customer service rep react, exclaiming involuntarily: “You heard that?”
President Shou smiled: “I guessed it.”
The Underworld customer service rep was so mentally exhausted she was nearly prostrate: “Fear not the heavens, fear not the earth, only fear a hooligan with culture. Sigh… Is there anything else you need to know? Ask quickly if you have questions; my ‘accompaniment’ time is almost up, and there are other clients waiting in line behind you.”
Shou Jiaxun nodded with a beaming smile, using the most polite tone to say the most unreasonable words: “The clients behind are your clients, not my clients. What does that have to do with me? Trouble you to adjust your attitude and handle my issues properly first.”
“How about I kneel for you? Can you just speak quickly?”
“I, the one ‘rushing to reincarnate,’ am not in a hurry; what are you rushing for?”
“Ancestor, I beg you… let your granddaughter go!”
The little customer service rep was finally broken by President Shou.
President Shou accepted this obeisance with peace of mind, picked up the contract to scrutinize it carefully, and then opened his mouth wide like a lion:
“First, based on the ‘Lying Win’ premise, my current career and financial luck are all pinned on a partner. This is definitely wrong. I spent so many blessings purchasing ‘Reincarnate at Will’ to be a ‘rich person’ and possess a high-quality life; not to be a ‘rich person’s person’ and live under someone else’s roof. I can’t be poor and destitute for a lifetime just because I don’t get married, right?”
“Secondly, the memories of my current life in my brain are intermittent. This is too passive. I need to fully understand my current situation.”
“Finally…”
Seeing his tone hesitate, the little customer service rep suddenly became nervous: “Finally what?”
Shou Jiaxun sighed slowly: “…Haven’t thought of it yet. I’ll say it later. Can you solve the first two problems?”
The little girl was almost scared out of her wits by him. Thinking about President Shouâs first two requests, she felt a sense of relief instead.
“Yes, both are easy to handle. ‘Current Life Memories’ will be loaded for you immediately; you’ll know everything once you ‘live back’ later. As for the first item, I’ll pull your ‘Positive Wealth Luck’ to the max. Whether to marry is up to you, whether to get rich is also up to you. I absolutely won’t let you be poor and destitute.”
“Why only max out ‘Positive Wealth Luck’? Can’t you max out ‘Windfall Luck’ (Partial/Speculative Wealth) for me too?”
President Shou felt that after grinding with the Underworld civil servant for so long, he could almost be considered a person who “died understanding.”
âReincarnation really is a technical skill.
[Author’s Note]: Student Xiao: You are high and mighty, you are amazing. You cut the marriage ties with me, so why didn’t you remove the “Love Brain” for me too! T^T
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