Chapter 37: A Token of Affection; Xie Qianli Harbors Thoughts He Shouldn’t Have…
Xie Qianli had a strong constitution and recovered quickly. Moreover, the blade wielded by Feng Yong had completely missed his vitals. Even though he hadn’t woken up yet, color was gradually returning to his face.
For as many days as Xie Qianli remained unconscious, he stayed in Weiyang Palace.
His food and daily expenses were covered by Weiyang Palace, and rare medicinal ingredients were taken directly from the Emperor’s private treasury. The breach of protocol had already soared beyond the Ninth Heaven.
Naturally, this attracted impeachment from the Imperial Censors.
However, Ying Xi ignored them all.
He saved this man because he still needed him to train troops and fight wars. Given the situation at the Xie Manor, Xie Qianli’s return to duty would have been indefinitely delayed otherwise.
Ying Xi could certainly calculate the accounts clearly.
During the recuperation period, Ying Xi naturally visited Xie Qianli many times.
But he never stayed long.
Firstly, the wounded man needed his bandages changed and medicine applied, which required removing his clothes; it was inconvenient for Ying Xi to be present.
Secondly, he was not someone who could easily let go of hatred. In his past life, Xie Qianli had killed him; it was impossible for him to be completely without guard or vigilance.
Therefore, whenever Ying Xi graced the room with his presence, he did not sit. Instead, he stood more than ten steps away from the sickbed to inquire about the situation from the Imperial Physician.
Even though the black falcon chirped pitifully, nuzzling its fuzzy head softly against Ying Xi to urge him closer, it was of no use. The black falcon could only land lonely between the two of them, looking left and right.
The only exception occurred on a day of spring rain, when the weather turned cold again after a warm spell.
Many nobles in Chang’an had fallen ill and summoned Imperial Physicians, leaving the Imperial Hospital severely understaffed.
When Ying Xi passed by the study after court was dismissed, he happened to hear two young medical officers changing shifts in a panic. The incoming officer muttered that the medicinal herbs were exhausted and ran to the storeroom to fetch more, leaving Xie Qianli alone in the room.
A patient could not be left unattended.
Ying Xi pushed the door open and entered without a sound.
The study was filled with the bitter, pervasive scent of medicine. The Youlong Glaive leaned against the corner of the wall.
Xie Qianli seemed to have regained some consciousness; he coughed a few times, drawing Ying Xi closer to observe. On the roof beam, the black falcon spread its wings in joy.
Presumably, having slept for so many days, it was time for him to wake up.
Ying Xi stood by the couch, lowering his eyes. Xie Qianli was wearing only snow-white underclothes. On his exposed deep wheat-colored skin, brown scabs crisscrossed his body.
The scars made him look martial and imposing, while deep sleep made Xie Qianli appear steady and lonely.
Ying Xi surveyed his numerous scars; he must have added countless new ones by now.
Ying Xi’s pupils flickered.
He waited for a long time, but the man did not wake. The room was so quiet that one could hear the sound of the pattering spring rain outside.
Just as Ying Xi shook his head and intended to leave, his index finger felt a sudden warmth. In the chilly spring weather, his fingertip was suddenly grasped by Xie Qianli’s hand.
The man’s palm was covered in calluses, the texture distinct and rough; as it touched the skin, it caused a slight stinging sensation.
It was likely an instinctual reaction. Caught in the chaos between life and death, his will to survive made him grasp the living creature beside him, his consciousness wanting to return to the world of the living, right?
“…”
Ying Xi didn’t want to cause a misunderstanding with Tiantong, who would start chattering endlessly, so he forced himself to remain calm and shifted his gaze elsewhere.
Unexpectedly, this only amplified the sensation coming from his fingertip.
His lip line tightened, but his lips trembled.
He, too, had once grabbed Xie Qianli’s arm with all his strength when he was most helpless, finding a moment of peace under the other’s protection.
Ying Xi didn’t pull his finger away.
Xie Qianli had protected him so many times; he was paying him back. Consider it a tit for tat.
The temperature transmitted through their overlapping palms, and the stinging sensation spread from his fingertips to his heart.
Ying Xi felt his eyes grow hot, and a strong lump rose in his throat. That sour bitterness almost burned through his internal organs!
His fingernails dug deeply into his palm, forcefully pushing back the tears that were about to burst the dam until his eyelashes trembled lightly, and his vision gradually cleared.
Xie Qianli was an existence he had relied on and also resented.
The Youlong Glaive glinted coldly in the corner.
He could still recall the intense pain when that spearhead pierced him, blood flowing from the corner of his mouth. It had hurt so much.
In the past life, he was killed by Xie Qianli; in this life, Xie Qianli had saved him many times.
The gratitude and grievances of their two lives were inextricably deeper entangled.
Ying Xi trembled as he accused in his heart: Xie Ji was not harmed by Zhen. Deceiving you back then was out of necessity. You punished Zhen afterwards, and for years, aside from official duties, you never communicated with Zhen again.
—Why did you have to stab Zhen to death?
You hated Zhen so much, didn’t believe in Zhen, and thought Zhen was a villain.
Then open your eyes and look at Zhen now?
Right in front of you is the person you hate the most.
Let’s see if you still have the thick skin to hold onto Zhen, like a big wolfdog that no one adopted.
He couldn’t stay any longer.
Ying Xi restrainedly adjusted his breathing, putting away the second wave of rising tears.
He forcefully pulled his finger out, the friction leaving a rosy red streak on his porcelain-white skin.
He didn’t look back, his steps quick to the point of seeming flustered, causing the black falcon on the beam to poke its head out and coo pitifully a few times.
The black falcon watched Ying Xi’s retreating back with lingering attachment.
“…”
Specks of light appeared in his field of vision.
The spring rain rustled. It was the latter half of the night, and the medical officer on duty was not in the study. Xie Qianli slowly regained consciousness alone. He was a little thirsty.
Xie Qianli habitually tried to find water himself. His long fingers groped around the head of the bed but didn’t find a teacup. When he opened his eyes, what he saw was the painted five-clawed coiled dragon on the ceiling of the study.
Xie Qianli’s heart suddenly contracted.
It wasn’t that he had overstepped his bounds, nor had anyone rebelled on his behalf. Xie Qianli recognized this as the study of Weiyang Palace, the place where Ying Xi handled court affairs.
He quickly scanned the furnishings of the study. The brushes, ink, and memorials on the desk had been almost completely moved away. Medicine bottles and jars were arranged in an orderly fashion on Ying Xi’s desk, indicating that he had been staying here for more than just a night or two.
Xie Qianli sat up and inspected his wounds, which were bandaged properly and recovering well.
The Xie Manor had no resident physician.
As a subject, he was temporarily staying in the Emperor’s territory to recuperate.
The Emperor’s immense grace shone through the ages.
That phrase “Zhen believes in you” lingered in Xie Qianli’s mind many times, making him feel increasingly ashamed.
At this moment, the black falcon flapped its wings and landed carefully on the edge of the bed. It pressed its shiny, smooth hooked beak against Xie Qianli’s palm, as if trying to remind him of something.
What Xie Qianli remembered, however, was the message delivered by the flying eagle from his father, the final command left to him:
—”Do your utmost to serve the country and be loyal to the Sovereign.”
He regretted that he hadn’t been able to fully achieve this before.
Xie Qianli felt intense remorse.
If he were to walk out of this door now and go through fire and water for the Emperor, he wouldn’t even blink.
Generals, especially young generals, were sometimes so unruly they were hard to tame, yet other times, they could be easily and completely won over by a monarch who valued and appreciated them.
Xie Qianli sat on the edge of the bed with a bold, golden-blade stance, digesting emotions from many aspects.
He even traced back further, recalling when Ying Xi was a child, pretending to be a little girl to deceive him, causing him embarrassment, causing him to suffer a severe beating…
Back and forth, Xie Qianli chewed over their past countless times, adding a stroke here, subtracting a stroke there, unable to calculate who was more in the right.
He admired his father’s ability to judge people; he had long determined that Ying Xi was a wise ruler, while he himself had been blinded by hatred back then.
Xie Qianli sat motionless, his thoughts flashing wildly.
The black falcon, however, felt it hadn’t fulfilled its duty to its master. Nuzzling Xie Qianli’s palm was useless, so it found a new approach. It hopped around the edge of the bed and finally lowered its head to pick up a single strand of hair.
The falcon looked up as if presenting a treasure: “Goo.”
Xie Qianli fell into silence instantly.
His fingertips twisted that long hair. In the candlelight, the strand shone with a golden-brown polarization. It was both soft and very, very long.
Of course, he recognized it as Ying Xi’s hair. Ying Xi had light hair, cool white skin, and pupils like dissolved pale ink, due to his poor constitution.
The Sovereign must have come to visit him, and had been very close.
Xie Qianli’s throat rolled. The corners of his mouth raised slightly unconsciously, as if he could see the Emperor’s thin and upright figure standing before the bed.
His heartbeat accelerated.
A single strand of hair amidst the bed curtains triggered even more boundless associations for Xie Qianli.
But Xie Qianli had always been a gentleman. He immediately restrained his thoughts with calm self-control, telling himself that the person was now the Emperor of Great Qin, not Miss Xiao Xi. The other party was a man and should no longer be viewed as the orphan girl of Fanglan Hall.
What’s more, the bright moon was unreachable.
The severe beating he took back then to rescue Ying Xi was precisely so that the other could hang freely in the sky.
Xie Qianli nodded slightly, convincing himself, his thin lips murmuring “Your Majesty” a few times.
However, his fingers seemed to move inadvertently, twisting that strand of hair and tucking it into his cuff. Then, he tied the two ends of the hair into a knot and, unbeknownst to gods or ghosts, tied it around his wrist.
Xie Qianli kept a stern face as he looked left and right. There was no one around.
“Goo.”
Seeing that Xie Qianli was very interested in items related to Ying Xi, the falcon, being very spiritual and understanding, flapped its wings.
It had observed this place for so long and knew every nook and cranny. Since its master showed this interest, it began to scour the entire study.
Ying Xi’s hair ribbon hung on the wall.
Ying Xi’s personal seal lay by the inkstone on the desk corner.
The falcon’s claws scratched open the drawer under the desk, revealing the storybooks Ying Xi secretly read… though they were all decent storybooks.
Xie Qianli was terrified and uneasy; of course, he could not touch the Emperor’s items without permission.
If he broke something, or if His Majesty misunderstood that he wanted to take the opportunity to spy on court secrets, that would be unappreciative, or even biting the hand that fed him.
Xie Qianli stood up immediately, casting a tall, straight shadow on the ground.
The bad falcon grabbed things in front, and he put them back behind it.
Fortunately, the Emperor’s office had temporarily moved elsewhere. Important and frequently used items had been taken out early on. The bookshelf only held some sparse memorials that hadn’t been organized into the Secret Archives yet; none were recent documents.
The falcon hovered by the bookshelf, drilling its head inside to grab a bookmark.
The bookmark had a tassel at the end, very conspicuous.
The falcon had a clear target. Its claws hooked, and it proudly retrieved the bookmark. It was a piece of openwork gold, shimmering on the surface; presumably, birds liked bright and dazzling colors.
But with a crash, it swept down several memorials.
Xie Qianli hurriedly lowered his head to pick up the fallen memorials, not daring to touch Ying Xi’s personal items at all.
However, among the memorials that landed on the floor, he saw familiar handwriting. His body paused, and his expression became very grave.
That memorial was written by his father during the campaign to suppress the Green Ox Army. It reported that they had newly incorporated nearly ten thousand people into the army for the Imperial Court during this trip, leading to a tight military budget.
When this memorial was written, Xie Qianli was right by his father’s side.
Recalling his father’s voice and appearance when holding the brush, his solemn brows and restrained expression, Xie Qianli felt a bone-piercing sadness emerge.
That was only two months ago.
At that time, he still had a father.
With a heart full of remembrance, Xie Qianli absentmindedly unfolded the memorial.
His fingertips rubbed forcefully against his father’s strokes, his fingernails turning pale white, triggering stinging pain from the wounds all over his body. It was like a young lion that had matured but still longed for the old lion king who had died protecting his territory.
Xie Qianli hoped to transcend life and death and feel his father’s residual warmth once again.
Nothing remained.
Even if misunderstandings were resolved and great vengeance was exacted, the dead could not be brought back to life.
Xie Qianli closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.
He opened his eyes heavily again, and then, in the corner of the memorial, he saw the notation belonging to Ying Xi.
It was two lines of small characters in vermilion ink, appended to the end of the memorial.
The handwriting was powerful, like flowing clouds and flowing water:
“Zhen is deeply aware of the hardships of the frontline soldiers. Even if the expenses in the palace are reduced, the frontline military supplies will not be shortchanged. I hope my beloved minister will fight with peace of mind and not worry about troubles at home.”
“Additionally, midwinter is approaching. Beloved minister often suffers from head wind attacks; you may use mugwort leaves boiled in water for fumigation to drive away cold and disperse dampness. Materials can be obtained locally in the army; it is simple and easy to do.”
Xie Qianli’s fingertips rubbed the paper page, feeling as if his wrist and heart carried a weight of a thousand jun.
His hands trembled, his knuckles pale and turning blue.
Presumably, because his father died in battle, this memorial was never fed back to the Duke of Ying’s residence.
It turned out His Majesty had always been diligently raising military funds and placing heavy trust in the Xie clan.
He even remembered the casual remarks Xie Qianli made carelessly in his youth, knowing that his father had an old ailment that often flared up in autumn and winter.
Xie Qianli’s fingers dug into the calluses on his palm!
The bright moon wheel, high and unreachable.
But because the bright moon showed pity and always shone on him, Xie Qianli finally could not suppress the improper, estranged thoughts bubbling up. He truly wanted to reach out and touch that moon.
—To inherit father’s legacy and be loyal to Great Qin.
—And also to help His Majesty change this current situation, allowing him to sit firmly on this Dragon Throne.
The lantern light in the study flickered. Xie Qianli’s silhouette was heroic and resolute. He pressed his thin lips together tight and solemnly closed the memorial.
…
End of Volume 1: Death of Xie Ji
Translator’s note: Time to proceed to volume 2. Happy reading!
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