Chapter 122: “Still Loving, Loving Forever.”
Taking advantage of Meng Xihe’s nap, Chu Baixian made a phone call.
He purchased some items.
He threw out the blood-soaked sofa and replaced it with a new one.
Then, using a wig made from his own hair, he sat at the living room table, comparing it to the hairstyle Meng Xihe used to have during dance competitions.
He meticulously styled it into a bun.
It had been a long time since he accompanied Meng Xihe in a dance.
In the second year of Meng Xihe’s illness, something happened to him in the special task force.
He knew that the drug turning him into an Omega was injected by Feng Ling. To make him completely obey arrangements, she had also taken Meng Xihe to the underground hospital.
One day after that, he received an invitation from Du Xun to overthrow the entire Empire together.
From then on, his life as an undercover agent began.
Those were dark days he didn’t even want to recall.
Chu Baixian’s daily task rotated between serving in the military and reporting situations at the palace.
Sometimes, he couldn’t even see Meng Xihe once.
He once thought that love at first sight that lasted until old age didn’t exist.
Just like the feelings Du Xun had for Shen Zhuo, it didn’t exist.
He thought that after he became an Omega, Meng Xihe wouldn’t need him anymore.
Because that 96.9% compatibility could no longer give the boy any support or comfort, nor could it alleviate his pain even a little.
So he also numbed himself, thinking he only had sympathy for Meng Xihe, that the love was diminishing.
Praying it would be like this, so at least when the boy left, he would have the courage to live on.
To live on in Meng Xihe’s place.
But he tried, and he tried countless times.
It didn’t work.
It didn’t work at all.
Such extreme thoughts only proved one conclusion again and again—
Meng Xihe still loved him.
And he loved Meng Xihe.
Regardless of gender, regardless of life or death.
The twisted, warped thoughts only made them increasingly inseparable.
The rope connecting the suspension bridge, barely holding on, became stronger after intentional sabotage.
His little lotus, who used to be so delicate that he would ask for a hug over a scraped knee, held on for him day after day.
For six years, he hadn’t cried.
He hadn’t even said the word “pain” once.
So, when the long hair was grown, cut, woven into a wig, and placed on the boy’s head…
Chu Baixian finally accepted it.
Meng Xihe wouldn’t live much longer.
Neither would he.
How could he possibly live on after his lover died?
How could he live…
“Baixian? Are you still there?”
Chaotic sounds of something crashing to the floor came from the room.
Chu Baixian immediately put down what he was holding.
Running into the room, he answered loudly:
“I’m here!”
Chu Baixian ran back to the room and saw Meng Xihe sitting on the floor by the bed, groping around in fear and confusion.
The exposed arms were just skin and bones, thin beyond human shape.
Chu Baixian immediately stepped forward, using his body as Meng Xihe’s crutch, letting him prop himself up slowly.
The boy let out a sigh, his smile soft and gentle:
“I thought you went out.”
Chu Baixian helped him to the bed and placed a soft cushion behind him:
“I won’t go out these few days. I’ll stay home with you.”
“What about the military?”
Chu Baixian smiled. “It won’t stop turning without me for a few days. I’ve taken leave.”
Meng Xihe was very happy. “Then help me up to walk around.”
“I want to go downstairs and see how the small park is doing.”
Long ago, there was a very beautiful small park at the bottom of this building.
There were all kinds of flowers, a small bridge with flowing water, and butterflies.
Chu Baixian squatted directly in front of him.
“Get on, I’ll carry you.”
Meng Xihe obediently reached out and hugged Chu Baixian’s neck.
He was truly too light; carrying him felt like carrying nothing at all.
But Chu Baixian was careful.
As if protecting a precious piece of porcelain.
“It’s almost winter now, so not many flowers are blooming, but the trees are evergreen. The sunlight falls on the ground in speckles.”
“There are a few more carp in the pond. You don’t know how fat they are; every time I see them, I want to catch them to make soup.”
“The long corridor has been repaired; it’s very beautiful now, with a classical atmosphere.”
Every time Chu Baixian reached a spot, he would stop and introduce it.
His tone was gentle and patient, occasionally making Meng Xihe on his back laugh out loud.
They wandered downstairs for more than half an hour before going back.
Before leaving, Chu Baixian looked back.
At the small park that had already been converted into parking spaces.
Evergreen trees, small bridge and flowing water, carp, long corridor…
Nothing remained.
Only cold concrete ground.
Chu Baixian calmly took Meng Xihe into the elevator.
He didn’t speak, nor did he look back.
After returning home, Chu Baixian cooked some plain porridge and side dishes.
He set up a small table on the balcony.
Eating a simple dinner under the sunset had a unique charm.
At night, the two nestled together to watch a movie, with Chu Baixian acting as the narrator to amuse Meng Xihe.
Their life was very simple.
But very warm.
So warm that it felt like days could go on like this forever.
…
Until the day of Meng Xihe’s birthday.
Chu Baixian bought an exquisite small cake and lit a candle for the 25th year.
Listening to Chu Baixian’s birthday song, Meng Xihe clasped his hands together.
Before blowing out the candle, he said, “My wish is—”
“No! It won’t come true if you say it out loud!”
Chu Baixian immediately interrupted him, wanting to cover Meng Xihe’s mouth.
But the boy dodged backward, mimicking Chu Baixian’s tone but with a smile:
“No, I want to say it!”
Chu Baixian couldn’t do anything about him, so he could only sit up straight and listen respectfully.
“Then say it. What the heavens won’t grant, I will.”
The corners of Meng Xihe’s lips curled up.
When the boy smiled, there was a special softness, like the breeze in early March—clear with a hint of warmth, fuzzy enough to make people unconsciously smile along.
He was the person Chu Baixian fell in love with at first sight, someone who could make everything else fade into dullness.
Amidst countless schemes and plots.
Only the boy remained forever untainted by the dust of the world, pure to the extreme.
His Omega was a lotus flower rising unsullied from the mud.
“If I die, I don’t want to be buried in a small grave.”
Meng Xihe said, “It’s too dark. I don’t like it.”
He knew Chu Baixian had been coaxing him.
He also knew his life probably ended here.
“I… will dance with you.”
Chu Baixian stiffly changed the topic, taking the styled wig from behind him and putting it on Meng Xihe’s head.
He also took out his old dance outfit and carefully changed the boy into it.
As if he had once again become the brilliantly talented dancer Meng Xihe under the spotlight.
Pure, beautiful, never changed.
Chu Baixian turned on the music. Meng Xihe stepped onto the back of Chu Baixian’s feet with his bare feet. Step by step, they slowly began to dance.
The boy who used to win gold awards in national competitions, whose figure was as light as a feather.
Now wearing a dance outfit that had become too large, he could only barely move by relying on the man’s strength.
But Chu Baixian still tried hard to dance every step to the best of his ability.
Just like in the videos of the past, during Meng Xihe’s most glorious years.
Until the music was nearing its end, Meng Xihe took an unsteady step and crashed toward the floor.
“Careful!”
Chu Baixian immediately used his body as a cushion, firmly protecting the boy underneath him.
“Cough cough cough…”
Blood began to spill from Meng Xihe’s lips again.
He felt an unprecedented, intense pain.
Every inch of bone, every inch of flesh and blood felt like it was being torn open and shredded.
“Nngh…” The flesh of Meng Xihe’s bitten lip broke.
Tears mixed with cold sweat dripped onto the floor amidst the blood.
But every time he felt he was going to die, when it was hard to hold on any longer.
It was Chu Baixian who called him back from the edge of hell.
Just like this time.
“Xihe… Meng Xihe!”
The boy heard it and opened his weary eyes.
He slowly calmed down and was pulled into a warm embrace again.
He wouldn’t ask for more.
Perhaps meeting his Alpha had already used up all the luck in his life.
Meng Xihe closed his eyes. After a long time, he slowly opened them.
That tone was one that had never appeared before.
It was a confession, and also a farewell.
“Baixian… I’m very happy…”
Meng Xihe leaned on Chu Baixian’s shoulder, his voice already very small.
So small that even with Chu Baixian lowering his head and pressing his ear against his lips, it was hard to hear clearly.
“In this life, meeting you… I was so lucky…”
The boy spoke slowly, word by word, seemingly still with a smile.
“Baixian… but I…”
Chu Baixian leaned even closer, finally hearing clearly what Meng Xihe said, like a doll about to shatter.
“It hurts so much…”
“I… can’t hold on… anymore…”
Chu Baixian forcefully suppressed the trembling of his body, tears bursting forth like a dam breaking.
He knelt on the ground, kissing Meng Xihe’s beautiful eyes over and over, begging mournfully again and again:
“Just for my sake, okay?”
“Stay with me a little longer, just a little longer.”
“We finally can live in the sunlight.”
“Xihe, don’t leave me behind…”
“I beg you… don’t leave me alone…”
The boy opened his eyes with difficulty.
He slowly extended his hand to Chu Baixian’s cheek.
Cool fingertips touched the man’s eyes.
Meng Xihe couldn’t see, but he felt a hand full of tears.
His Alpha never cried.
“I’m sorry… Baixian.”
“I’m sorry.”
Chu Baixian held the boy tightly in his arms.
So forcefully, as if to rub him into his own bones and blood.
Tears fell drop by drop onto the boy’s face.
Chu Baixian bitterly denounced his own selfishness, incompetence, and the unfairness of fate, despair burning his heart and biting his bones.
A long, long time passed.
Long enough that when Meng Xihe thought Chu Baixian wouldn’t speak again, he suddenly heard his Alpha let go of him.
Heaving a heavy sigh, he smiled.
It was encouragement, or perhaps a final parting:
“Pretend I never said what I just said.”
“If it hurts too much, don’t keep enduring it.”
Chu Baixian didn’t know how he managed to say those words.
Every word was like a blade coated in salt.
Thrust into his heart, which was already full of holes, twisting forcefully.
Cut after cut.
But he knew the pain Meng Xihe endured every day was a thousand, a hundred times worse than when he was forcibly turned into an Omega…
He couldn’t be selfish any longer.
Chu Baixian, who had forever rushed on the road to save the boy, made such a decision for the first time.
He chose to let go.
Chu Baixian closed his eyes, his whole body numb and weak, his voice hoarse beyond recognition:
“If you really can’t hold on…”
“Then go…”
Meng Xihe was stunned.
Sometimes giving up was a hundred times more painful than holding on; he understood.
After a long relative silence, he laughed once.
“Baixian… I regret it.”
The boy rested his head in the hollow of Chu Baixian’s shoulder.
His nose was filled with the scent of lavender; Meng Xihe seemed to finally be able to feel the comfort within it.
“Hm?” Chu Baixian’s voice trembled, resting his forehead against Meng Xihe’s. “Regret what?”
“Before… I wanted you to remember me… don’t forget me…”
Meng Xihe coughed a few times.
He felt warm all over.
This place faced west; it was probably sunset.
Autumn had arrived.
The lingering lotus in the setting sun was destined to wither eventually.
“I take it back…”
Meng Xihe used his last bit of strength to curve the corners of his mouth upward.
In his pitch-black vision, the blurred outline of the man seemed to appear.
His Alpha was still so good-looking, so excellent.
How could he let his footsteps be bound because of him?
Outside the window, the sunset was brilliant and magnificent.
Orange-red and pink-purple light fell on the boy.
As if dressing him in the dance outfit he wore the first time he saw Chu Baixian that year.
On the stage, under the spotlight, and in the Alpha’s eyes.
He was dazzling, bright, dancing gracefully.
It was enough.
This life was already enough.
The light of the setting sun fell on the boy’s eyelashes, casting a colorful shadow.
Meng Xihe lifted his chin, and Chu Baixian lowered his head to get close.
The boy’s lips moved, and his pupils seemed to glow with a clear, bright expression.
“Don’t remember me…”
With the last trace of a smile, he whispered in the man’s ear:
“Forget me.”
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