Chapter 30: Bite Mark
“Gege?”
Seeing Shen Guanchao motionless, Xie Jingchu called out again.
“Mn.” Shen Guanchao didn’t intend to walk over. He responded faintly while standing by the door. His chaotic thoughts were mixed with pain and a lingering palpitation. It felt as if a piece of his heart had been cut open. After a long silence, he asked, “What are you doing?”
“Preparing… a surprise for you.” Since he wouldn’t come, Xie Jingchu had to muster the courage to approach him.
“Today, I have one more thing I want to give you. Not to celebrate the match, but for my own selfish reasons.”
The ambiguous light shone on them as if to swallow everything. Because of his words, silent sentiments exploded in the air at the same time, fermenting uncontrollably.
Xie Jingchu opened his hand. A ring lay quietly in his palm, identical to the one on his ring finger.
The Möbius strip symbolizing infinite love pushed two hearts closer.
“You…” Shen Guanchao stared at him, voice hoarse. “When did you find out? And you even went to buy an identical one…”
“Last week. When the power went out in the residential area, the snowman melted.” Xie Jingchu leaned forward to take his hand. His brow was filled with undissolvable devotion as he slowly put the other ring on him. “I like you.”
“Can you be with me?”
Shen Guanchao raised his eyes, suddenly unable to open his mouth to respond. Watching Xie Jingchu’s movements, his heart beat very fast, his chest so full it felt like it would explode. But he also rememberedâXie Jingchu lied to him.
In an instant, they fell into silence. Fingers intimately entwined, ambiguity grew wildly in this split second, filling them both.
Shen Guanchao asked, “When did you start liking me?”
“A long time ago. Before you even knew me…” Xie Jingchu’s chest rose and fell as he answered the question.
Shen Guanchao’s gaze wavered. “Do you like me that much?”
Xie Jingchu answered without thinking, “Yes.”
“I like you very much.”
“I like the way you look when everyone is watching you, I like you staring at me, I like the beauty you bring me, I like everything about you…”
“I understand…”
Shen Guanchao suddenly couldn’t bear the look in Xie Jingchu’s eyes. The suffocating feeling in his chest was unbearable; he felt a bit breathless. Silent for a long time, he finally gave a self-mocking smile. “Then why did you lie to me?”
“You like me so much, so why lie to me?”
“Lying to me about your job, hobbies, past… lying to me about your family.”
“You lied to me. Is it because I’m not worthy of your trust, or because I don’t need to know all of you? Didn’t you promise me you wouldn’t lie to me?”
Xie Jingchu was silent for a long time upon hearing this. His gentle expression shattered in an instant, draining of all blood. His face turned deathly pale. The words of courtship stuck in his throat. After slowly realizing what he was saying, he suddenly gripped his hand tight, wanting to keep him.
“Sorry…”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Those rotten matters of the past, he didn’t want Shen Guanchao to know.
Shen Guanchao asked back, “Didn’t mean it like what?”
“I…” Xie Jingchu closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. But when he opened his eyes again, the agitation in his chest became even heavier. Panic and nervousness circled alternately in his mind. He was speechless for a moment, feeling like he was going to go crazy.
Shen Guanchao’s patience ran out. He pushed him away, eager to leave this uncomfortable place. “Let’s end it here for today. I want to go back.”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me either. We end here.”
He had said he would leave anyone who deceived him without hesitation.
The lights separated them. Xie Jingchu saw a tear glide from the corner of his eye, and his body subconsciously grabbed the hand pulling away. “Don’t go…”
Shen Guanchao couldn’t shake off his hand. Trying hard to maintain his last bit of dignity, he forced a bleak smile. “I’m tired.”
“Don’t explain to me, okay?”
“I have the finals next week. Don’t affect my mood.”
Hearing this, Xie Jingchu slowly let go of him.
But Shen Guanchao suddenly took the initiative to cup the back of Xie Jingchu’s head. Unable to hold back, he bit fiercely into the side of his neck, as if wanting his flesh and blood to feel guilty for a lifetime.
“Ugh…”
Xie Jingchu sucked in a breath of cold air but stood motionless, letting Shen Guanchao bite down.
It ultimately ended in embarrassment.
Shen Guanchao left him behind and took a taxi alone back to the NAVA training base.
In the villa, Lu Wuxu looked at the returnee with surprise and asked gently, “Why are you back so early today?”
Shen Guanchao’s eyes were red, and he didn’t answer.
Lu Wuxu asked again with great patience, “Have you eaten?”
Sadness was sadness, but Shen Guanchao was also hungry. He shook his head, trying his best to look less composed.
“Then I’ll go stir-fry a couple of dishes for you. Sit on the sofa. If you’re in a bad mood, you can cry. By the time you’re done crying, the food will be ready.” Lu Wuxu teased him while walking towards the kitchen.
“If you want to smoke, go to the second floor. Don’t let Brother Pei catch you, it’s a five hundred fine each time.”
It seemed that every time he was in a bad mood, Lu Wuxu would coax him like this, telling him calmly:
“You can make a scene, and you can cry.”
As if no matter how he acted out, Lu Wuxu wouldn’t get angry.
“…”
“Haven’t had cigarettes on me lately.” Shen Guanchao leaned close to Lu Wuxu and felt around in his coat pocket. “This pack is mine now.”
Lu Wuxu didn’t get angry at having his cigarettes swiped. Watching his retreating figure going to the second floor, he scolded, “Even if you’re in a bad mood, you’re not allowed to smoke too heavily. Two sticks at most.”
“Got it, Lord Lu.” Shen Guanchao turned his head back formlessly, the loneliness in his eyes impossible to hide.
Every time he had something troubling him, he would hide on the small balcony on the second floor to smoke. After being caught a few times, it slowly became a tacit little secret between him and Lu Wuxu.
Leaning against the railing, blowing in the cool breeze, feeling the smoke flow through his lungs, Shen Guanchao suddenly felt a bit listless. He liked Xie Jingchu too much, so much that his reason wanted to exonerate Xie Jingchu, yet he clearly hated people lying the most.
The moment he knew the truth, despite the huge sense of disparity, he still couldn’t hate Xie Jingchu. His bottom line was being broken bit by bit.
He hated this feeling of being manipulated, but he couldn’t hate the person who brought the lies.
Over the phone, Shen Guanchao had subconsciously refuted Chen Zhongwen’s words because he unconditionally trusted the person he liked.
But reality gave him a ruthless slap, stinging him with burning pain.
What had Xie Jingchu experienced after dropping out of school?
Living in that kind of family, was he doing okay…
After being kept in the dark like a fool and then suddenly realizing the truth, what Shen Guanchao felt wasn’t hatred for him.
It was pity.
Shen Guanchao couldn’t bring himself to hate people, especially someone he held at the tip of his heart.
So escape became his only way out.
If he couldn’t sort it out, then he would run.
He had no intention of entangling further. Having been pampered by people all these years, the first time he spread his peacock tail, he got played like this; of course, he was unhappy. After arguing with Xie Jingchu a few times on WeChat, he stopped replying to his messages.
But Xie Jingchu chased right up to him, rushing over to get scolded.
“…” Shen Guanchao simply blocked and deleted all his contact information right in front of his face, then, while he was dazed, walked away on his own.
After that, the two completely lost contact.
Shen Guanchao led the team to Germany for a competition and wasn’t seen for over two months.
Xie Jingchu went to look for him. Sitting in the audience, watching him bathe in the golden rain on stage and lift the trophy, Xie Jingchu suddenly felt he wasn’t worthy of such a good person.
He shouldn’t have confessed.
If he hadn’t pierced through all this, would their ending have been better?
Standing in the distance looking up at the favored son of heaven was perhaps the best way.
He realized once again, profoundly, that Shen Guanchao grew up happily in a family with financial superiority and stable mental states, along with those brothers in the club who shared life and death, joys and sorrows. He lacked nothing; he was born to be a shining existence.
And what he possessed was a shattered family and an ugly social background. On what grounds could he ask Shen Guanchao to like him, to love him?
If he had told Shen Guanchao about his past earlier, instead of letting him learn it from someone else, would everything have been different?
Maybe Shen Guanchao would have listened quietly to his painful stories, gently told him it wasn’t his fault, told him his parents’ problems had nothing to do with him, told him he didn’t need to rush to solve these problems, let alone lose sleep over these things, feeling guilt, self-blame, or moral kidnapping.
Maybe he would have laughed heartily and praised him: Growing up healthy despite suffering setbacks, isn’t that a very impressive thing?
Song Jingchen going to prison, Xie Fangrong’s rugged lifeâthose were caused by countless choices they had made.
Xie Jingchu shouldn’t sacrifice his own life to bear their responsibilities. But similarly, when facing the person he wanted to spend his life with, he shouldn’t have concealed his past.
A lie is like a seed, planted at the beginning of a relationship, withering when it breaks.
He should have understood earlier.
They cut off all contact. The bright red exclamation mark on the social platform seemed to be a fortress, cutting off all lingering connections.
It wasn’t until Pei Zhi made that phone call, inviting Xie Jingchu to NAVA for a tryout.
Only then did the rusted gears begin to turn again.
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