Chapter 1: Am I a Vicious Cannon Fodder?
“Have you heard? The Second Young Master has suddenly changed recently…”
“Doesn’t our Second Young Master spend every day drag racing, playing billiards, or hitting the bars? This change you’re talking about, could it be… did the Second Young Master take a trip to Thailand?”
“No! Yesterday, the Second Young Master gave away his precious motorcycle, turned around, and bought a pink bicycle. He even added a grocery basket to it!”
“…”
“And that’s not even the end of it,” she continued to spill the tea. “Last night, the head bartender at ‘Cloud Night’ Bar personally told me that the Second Young Master ordered a cup of hot milk with honey. Said it was for health preservation.”
Everyone was dumbfounded.
Just then, a servant walked in through the door. He was holding a copy of Introduction to Knitting, walking briskly while muttering under his breath:
“I have to hurry up and learn. The Young Master said he wants me to knit a seat cover for his bicycle, and he specifically requested a little yellow duck pattern…”
“…”
Has the Second Young Master suddenly lost his mind?
—————————
At this exact moment, the Second Young Master they were gossiping about was sitting by the koi pond, hooking a… soaked goji berry onto his fishhook.
“Young Master, this…” The butler hesitated to speak.
“Health preservation.” The Second Young Master cast his rod with a perfectly straight face, the fishing line drawing an elegant arc through the air.
“Jiang Ziya used a straight hook to fish for King Wen; I use a goji berry to fish for koi. It’s all about willing prey taking the bait.”
The hook entered the water, and the koi in the pond flicked their tails in disgust, swimming far away.
He also rolled his eyes in disgust.
I give you something for your health and you don’t even eat it. Absolutely zero taste.
“Yesterday I used Vitamin B as groundbait, and they wouldn’t eat the oatmeal from the day before either.” The Second Young Master cupped his chin in melancholy. “This picky bunch, I really don’t know how their parents educated them.”
The butler watched the “Second Young Master teasing the fishes” in silence for a while before hesitantly opening his mouth: “How about… this old servant goes and digs up some earthworms?”
“No need.” The Second Young Master’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Bring me my yoga mat. I’ll meditate while I wait—maybe I can purify their souls.”
“…”
The Second Young Master — Jiang Qing.
A young, handsome, romantic, suave, dashing, and immensely talented man who had suddenly awakened his memories a few days ago.
It turned out that the world he lived in was a novel called The Wealthy Older Brother’s Gentle Pampering.
A Danmei novel.
The protagonist gong was his own older brother — Jiang Yu, and the protagonist shou was Su Lin.
As for himself, he would one day fall in love with Su Lin, become a massive speed bump in their relationship, get successfully torn to shreds by them, and finally be kicked out of the house.
And so, Jiang Qing let it all go.
The kind of letting go that applied both physically and psychologically.
Forget it, whatever.
Let things be however they want to be.
Jiang Qing set his goji-berry fishing rod aside and shook his head at the koi blowing bubbles in the pond. “Me, a fine young man of the new era, playing the villain in a Danmei novel? That’s even more absurd than using oatmeal to fish for you guys.”
Holding the yoga mat, the butler hesitated to speak: “Young Master, the Youngest Master just called to say…”
“Stop!” Jiang Qing abruptly raised his hand. “Is he telling me not to come home tonight? Saying he has an important guest?”
The butler: “Wait a minute… No…”
Jiang Qing gazed deeply at the sky. “So this is fate…”
“But…”
He suddenly sprang up. “Quick! Book me a boat ticket to Antarctica! Now! Immediately!”
The koi suddenly leaped out of the water in unison, splashing sounds echoing one after another.
“…Even you guys think I should run away?” Jiang Qing fell silent for three seconds, then suddenly unrolled the yoga mat. “No, I am enlightened—as long as I convert to Buddhism on the spot, the romantic affairs of this mortal world will…”
The roar of a sports car echoed from a distance.
Jiang Qing instantly sprang up:
“Uncle Wang! Better bring those earthworms! I think they can still be resuscitated!”
“But Young Master…”
Seeing a gap to finally get a word in, the butler immediately spoke up.
“The one returning is the Third Young Master.”
Jiang Qing expressionlessly released the corner of the butler’s shirt that he had just reached out to grab.
“Why didn’t you say so earlier.”
“Young Master, I tried to say it from the very beginning…”
The Third Young Master — Jiang Linmu, a fake young master who had been swapped at birth. Quite unluckily, the true young master was named Su Lin.
And the only difference between him and Jiang Linmu was probably this:
Jiang Linmu was kicked out not long after Su Lin returned.
Whereas he was kicked out a long time after Su Lin returned.
It was essentially as if Jiang Linmu had it playing at 2x speed, while he was on normal speed but couldn’t skip the cutscenes.
…I suggest the developers optimize this.
———————————————
(Do not hoard chapters, this book is often targeted by the censors)
[This novel has no angst or melodramatic dog-blood plots, it’s satisfying from start to finish. Because I love every single person and every single character. I think everyone is very cute]
The first half focuses on younger top (Nianxia), while the second half focuses on older top (Nianshang).
[The writing is trash, the plot even more so, this is purely a work written for my fetishes.][Trigger Warnings: All-in, protagonist is strictly the bottom (all right), NP novel. Mindlessly satisfying, heartthrob, bottom protagonist, wealthy family, includes true and fake young masters, male competition Shura field, alluring type, queen bottom.][Bottom-cons can come in with peace of mind. There won’t be any angst. It’s a sweet little cookie.][Trigger Warnings: All pure. There is Orthopedics (incest), both true and fake. There will be cross-dressing plots. Occasionally, a few chapters might be a bit abstract because the author’s mental state is abnormal.]
(Read the trigger warnings carefully. Don’t go complaining in the later chapters when you see something you don’t like)
[In this book, the protagonist doesn’t care about his partner’s gender from the very beginning. He’s not a straight man nor is he gay, he just doesn’t care about his partner’s gender. He follows his own heart’s desire and cares about the person’s soul. But there won’t be any BG (boy/girl) pairings in this book, it’s strictly BL. Occasionally, there might be girls around the protagonist who like him.]
[I am a bottom-con. Any action that hurts the protagonist will be returned double by the protagonist. I will not let the protagonist suffer even a little bit of grievance. There will not be any arrogant tops who look down on or are rude to the protagonist. Forget about letting them “get on the table” (become a love interest), I’d sooner kick them to death.][If you like the kind of plot where the top tramples on the protagonist’s dignity, only knows how to blindly pour out their love, vent their lust, forcefully love and imprison the protagonist without caring about their feelings… I suggest you exit immediately. Because normally, this kind of person won’t even make it to the table in my story, and I will have the protagonist take double the revenge on them. Of course, this excludes situations where the protagonist actually enjoys it.]
[The Jiang Qing in this book is more playful and his personality is more cheerful, because he hasn’t experienced the family misfortune from the previous book. The sunny side of his personality takes up the majority, but he’s not purely white; he has a bit of darkness too. His core nature won’t change. Arrogant, looks down on others a bit, has high expectations for others but low expectations for himself. (Similar to: I can be rude to you, I can order you around casually, but if you use that commanding tone to speak to me without my permission, you can get lost.)]
[The author is an earth dog. Whoever I want to fall in love with the protagonist will fall in love with him. The protagonist won’t be stifled, he takes revenge for any grudges.]
[Currently, the preliminary plan is to have six love interests (I will add more if I get inspired later)]
[Update: Got inspired, added two more, making it eight. Added three more, eleven. Added another, twelve.]
Translator’s Note:
- Trip to Thailand: A slang joke referencing gender reassignment surgery, since Thailand is famous for it. The servant misunderstands “changed his nature/personality” (變性) for “changed his sex”.
- Dog-blood (狗血): Melodramatic, cliché, and overly exaggerated plot devices (like amnesia, misunderstandings, sudden terminal illnesses).
- NP (恩批): Slang for “n-pairing” or polyamory. One main character ending up with multiple partners at the same time.
- Orthopedics (骨科 – Guke): Chinese web novel slang for incest. It originated from a famous internet story where a brother was beaten so badly by his father for sleeping with his sister that he ended up in the orthopedics department.
- Earth dog (土狗): Internet slang for someone whose tastes are unrefined, meaning they absolutely love cliché, cheesy, or highly dramatic tropes and aren’t ashamed of it!
- All right (all右): Refers to the pairing notation where A x B means A is top (left) and B is bottom (right). “All right” means the protagonist is strictly on the right side of the “x” with everyone.
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