Chapter 75
Luo Shizhen earnestly recounted everything he had just seen to the teacher, as well as the confusion deep in his heart. Even though he was sitting on the roof making a phone call, the young man was still perfectly behaved, his sitting posture as if he were still in a classroom. He looked at the sky ahead, his tone also like someone asking a question in class.
“I’ve found that many things are different from what Grandma said, but Grandma wouldn’t lie to me. Now I don’t know what to do.”
Chen Hean’s voice, tinged with gentleness, came through the phone:
“Shizhen, are you confused because you don’t know what to do next?”
Luo Shizhen thought about it and nodded. “It seems so. I don’t know if I should still listen to Grandma. Who is right?”
“Shizhen, have you ever thought that everyone actually has different ideas?” Chen Hean’s tone was smiling, which made Luo Shizhen less nervous.
“Grandma’s ideas aren’t wrong. In the era she grew up in, there was almost no love in marriage. People got married to reproduce. Most people rarely met before marriage. A matchmaker would set up a meeting, they would learn about each other’s family background, and then they could discuss marriage. That’s how Grandma saw others get married, and she likely got married that way too, so what she taught you was also that way of marriage. She wasn’t wrong; she just taught you what she believed was the best way.”
“As for those two patients, their growing environment was relatively open, yet not entirely so. Ten years ago, in high school, they didn’t choose to be together. But now, with Anomalies rampant and the world in chaos, when their lives are in danger, the rules brought by the times are no longer that important. So, they chose to be together. Everyone has different choices—Grandma, them, and even Teacher. Everyone’s choices will change along with the environment and their thoughts.”
Luo Shizhen heard the teacher say softly:
“Shizhen, have you noticed that you have never made a choice for yourself?”
Luo Shizhen was stunned by the question. “Choice… I haven’t?”
“It seems not so far. You wanted to go to university because Grandma wanted you to. You wanted to go to a vocational school because the high school teacher suggested it. You wanted to be a good student because Grandma hoped you would be. You do the school’s missions because the school hopes you will.”
Chen Hean’s voice grew even softer, as if fearing he would startle this overly obedient student:
“What about yourself? What do you want?”
Luo Shizhen was completely stumped. “I want to do missions well, graduate, join the Guardians, then retire, go on blind dates, get married, and have children.”
Chen Hean asked again, “Is this what you want, or what Grandma wants?”
Luo Shizhen answered righteously, “What Grandma wants is what I want!”
The teacher let out a laugh over the phone, but Luo Shizhen didn’t feel like he was being mocked; he could tell the teacher didn’t mean it that way.
“So cute.”
Luo Shizhen: “Ah? What?”
Chen Hean chuckled. “Teacher said you are very cute.”
Luo Shizhen felt embarrassed and blushed slightly. He really liked it when the teacher spoke to him in that tone; it made him feel that he could say anything to him.
He murmured, “I thought you would say I’m stupid.”
“How could that be? You are very smart and hardworking. Haven’t the teachers who taught you before said so? Students like you are the favorite of teachers.
Luo Shizhen chuckled. “They have. Teacher Gao, Teacher Zhang, and Teacher He all said so. But I also know I’m really stupid. My Grandma said that stupid children have to be obedient to live better.”
Chen Hean: “Have you forgotten? When you entered school, we tested your IQ. Your IQ is at the average level. From a scientific perspective, you are not a stupid child. Perhaps you are just a bit slow to react, but you really aren’t stupid. Isn’t your combat training class making rapid progress? Perhaps, Shizhen, your talent lies in combat rather than cultural subjects. Teacher feels that your progress in combat classes can be called that of a genius.”
Luo Shizhen’s eyes widened. An indescribable emotion built up in his chest, making his breathing uncontrollable. “Really?”
“Of course it’s true. When have you ever seen Teacher lie? You’re at an age where it’s normal to be confused. When I was your age, I didn’t know what I wanted either. People grow step by step. When you are small, you can listen to whatever adults say. But since you’ve grown up, try to find what your own thoughts are. It might be a very interesting process.”
My own thoughts… This was somewhat foreign to Luo Shizhen. What he was good at was being obedient, not thinking for himself. At home, he listened to Grandma; at school, he listened to the teachers.
During his growth, he had seen other peers disobey their elders, but Luo Shizhen never had. He just did whatever Grandma said and listened to whatever the teachers said. When he was young and other children bullied him, no one had taught him to hit back, so Luo Shizhen didn’t know how to retaliate. It wasn’t until Chu Xiao was also bullied and commanded him to hit back that he did so for the first time. After that, Chu Xiao told him that if someone hit him, he must hit back, and Luo Shizhen remembered that firmly. From then on, if someone hit him, he would hit back. He hit back only because someone taught him he should do so, not because he didn’t want to be hit or was angry about being bullied.
What do my own thoughts look like?
Chen Hean: “You can think about it. If Grandma hadn’t told you that you needed to go on blind dates, get married, and have children, then what would you want your partner to be like?”
Luo Shizhen thought hard for several minutes. Chen Hean waited patiently without rushing him. A few minutes later, Luo Shizhen said embarrassedly:
“I’m sorry, Teacher… I don’t seem to have any thoughts of my own. I can’t think of anything, and I can’t imagine what a partner would be like.”
Chen Hean found this to be within expectations. “It’s nothing. You are still young. It’s normal not to have thoughts about this.”
Luo Shizhen asked curiously, “Teacher, then around what age will I be able to know what kind of partner I want?”
“That… it’s hard to say. It could be when you are in your early twenties, or when you are twenty-five or twenty-six, or it could be much later. Some people can meet someone they like at the right age, while some are very unfortunate. By the time they fall in love with someone, it’s already too late.” Chen Hean let out a laugh. “There are many kinds of love. There is mutual love, and there is love that is destined not to be together. It all depends on one’s personal choice. You can take your time to find it; it doesn’t matter. When Teacher was your age, I was young and arrogant and even said I would never fall in love with another person. Look, now I’ve been slapped in the face. I might never hear anyone say they like me.”
Luo Shizhen: “Teacher, I like you.”
The other end of the phone seemed to go on mute instantly, with no sound for a long time. Luo Shizhen looked at his phone strangely, not finding that he had accidentally pressed the mute button. “Teacher? Hello? Teacher, can you hear me?”
After a long while, Chen Hean’s soft laugh came from the other end. “I can hear you.”
Luo Shizhen had already raised his phone to look for a signal. Hearing the voice again, he sat back down properly. “I thought I pressed the mute button. Teacher, did you hear what I said just now? I said I like you. You aren’t someone no one likes; I like you very much.”
Chen Hean smiled and said, “I heard you. Teacher also likes you. Although Teacher knows that the ‘like’ you are talking about is a student’s like for a teacher, still, the word ‘like’ shouldn’t be said lightly. Teacher won’t misunderstand, but perhaps others will.”
Luo Shizhen let out an “Oh.” “But I really do like Teacher. Every time I talk to Teacher, I am very happy. This kind of happiness is something I previously only felt when talking to Grandma.”
The other end went quiet for a few more seconds. Then, Chen Hean let out a soft sigh. “You haven’t had your ‘awakening’ yet.”
Luo Shizhen had heard the phrase “haven’t had your awakening” many times. In elementary school, when he struggled with his studies, the teacher said it must be because he hadn’t awakened yet. In middle school, when he struggled, the middle school teacher also said he hadn’t awakened. In high school, when he struggled, the teacher no longer said he hadn’t awakened; instead, they recommended various vocational schools.
“I am very stupid,” Luo Shizhen said distressedly. “How can I have my awakening?”
“Over time, you will slowly awaken. You are still too young right now and don’t understand emotions. It’s normal.”
Luo Shizhen continued to be distressed. “Then if I still haven’t awakened by the time I’m thirty, can I still get married?” He was very confused, but he still remembered what Grandma said about blind dates, marriage, and children.
Chen Hean smiled and said, “That will depend on your own choice.”
Luo Shizhen, who had never made a choice for himself, felt that this was so difficult. “What if I choose wrong?”
“Whether a choice made is right or wrong can only be decided by yourself. You will know in the future. If you can’t figure it out, you don’t have to think about it. You are still young and haven’t reached the age to think about marriage. When you meet someone you like in the future, your heart will tell you.”
“Heart?” Luo Shizhen looked down and patted his heart, but he couldn’t feel anything. “Forget it, I’ll stop thinking about it. In the future, I’ll just let my heart tell me!”
After chatting with the teacher for a while more about recent events, their plans, and how the mission was going, Luo Shizhen hung up the phone after politely thanking him.
Sui An had been quietly watching him from the tree. Seeing that Luo Shizhen sat in place staring at a spot on the roof without moving after hanging up, he waited for about ten minutes before simply flying down. Spiritual threads, like a pair of wings, let him land lightly beside Luo Shizhen.
“Why haven’t you gone down?” He had seen the child’s beaming face when he hung up and thought Chen Hean had cheered him up.
Luo Shizhen said with a serious face, “I am choosing whether to step with my left foot first or my right foot first.”
He still hadn’t figured out how to make his own choices. So, Luo Shizhen decided to start with small things. Why hadn’t he noticed it before? He had never chosen which foot to step with first; he would always just start walking without thinking at all.
Looking at the serious-faced Luo Shizhen, Sui An fell silent. He tried to recall when he was nineteen. Oh… at that time, he was already fighting on the front lines, and the Anomalies he killed every day could pile up into a small mountain. Looking at the Luo Shizhen in front of him, Sui An didn’t find him stupid; he even felt he was quite cute. So this is what a normal person is like at this age. It’s quite fun.
Perhaps because he had considered it for long enough, or perhaps because Teacher Sui was beside him, Luo Shizhen successfully stepped out with his left foot. He let out a breath, and a marvelous, mysterious feeling arose in his heart.
So this is what making my own choice feels like?
The young student turned his head, his eyes sparkling as he looked at Sui An. “Teacher, this was my own choice.”
Sui An raised an eyebrow and patted his shoulder. “A good choice. Keep it up.”
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