Chapter 103: Ning Ke: I Never Liked You
Lou Yunxiao’s heart constricted under that look of disgust.
A-Ke had never looked at him with that kind of gaze.
That person used to always laugh and call him “Senior Martial Brother.”
Even in the underground palace when he had done that to him, A-Ke still hadn’t blamed him, and had even risked his life to send him away.
Xiaoxiao and Zhuang Yusheng had both said that A-Ke liked him.
He could also feel A-Ke’s feelings for him.
So he didn’t believe that A-Ke had stayed by his side only to repay his mother’s kindness.
And he certainly didn’t believe he would just throw him away and leave without any lingering attachment just because the debt was paid.
“It’s not… a threat.” Lou Yunxiao took a step toward Ning Ke, looking at him more deeply, his eyes reddening as his urgency and helplessness showed.
He explained:
“It’s love.”
“A-Ke, I love you. I just never said it out loud.”
“After escaping the underground palace and hearing of your death, I was in constant agony. I regretted my own incompetence, and I regretted never expressing my feelings to you.”
“Now that we’ve reunited and I know you aren’t dead, I am truly… truly happy.”
Lou Yunxiao was not good at expressing his true thoughts. Having said this much, his face was already completely flushed.
He stepped forward, taking the initiative to grab Ning Ke’s hand, and said, “A-Ke, I said the wrong thing just now. I wasn’t using my mother to threaten you. I just… I just can’t bear for you to leave. You’ve helped me enough already; I want to make it up to you, so I beg of you…”
“Let me stay by your side.”
After saying these words, Lou Yunxiao had used up all the courage he had gathered.
He waited anxiously for Ning Ke’s reply.
Like a prisoner waiting for a judge to pronounce the verdict.
He hoped A-Ke would return a smile to him like he used to.
And say to him: “Senior Brother, I like you too.”
Or tease him: “Senior Brother, you finally said it. I didn’t wait all this time for nothing.”
But he didn’t expect Ning Ke’s expression to remain cold.
Looking at him as if looking at someone completely insignificant.
“Lou Yunxiao, in my eyes, you are just a child who hasn’t grown up.”
“I was good to you only to repay your mother’s kindness. If I made you misunderstand that I had other feelings for you, then I can only say it was all your own delusion.”
“And your feelings for me are nothing more than me being good to you without asking for anything in return, which made you dependent. Then I died to save you and gave you my eyes—such sacrifice made you feel burdened, as if you owed me something, which is why you always want to make it up to me and keep me by your side.”
“Lou Yunxiao, you need to realize that this isn’t love at all…”
His wrist was suddenly gripped tight as a shadow pressed down.
Ning Ke was unable to continue.
Because Lou Yunxiao kissed his lips.
In a secluded corner, the young man blocked the only light.
One hand pinched Ning Ke’s chin, kissing him fiercely.
It carried a hint of hysteria.
As if to demonstrate his resolve.
After a long time, their lips parted.
Despite being the one who forced it, Lou Yunxiao’s cheeks were completely red.
Forehead pressed against Ning Ke’s, he said to him:
“A-Ke, you know my character. If I didn’t love someone, I wouldn’t do this to them at all.”
“So, I know very well that my love for you is not a delusion, nor is it dependence or guilt. It is this… this desire to be close to you, the joy of being by your side…”
“I remember that day at the brothel, you also said that if I were a woman, you would marry me and take me home…”
“So A-Ke, you like me. Your feelings for me are the same as my feelings for you, right?”
There was a hidden plea in Lou Yunxiao’s voice.
He wanted a positive answer.
Ning Ke met Lou Yunxiao’s gaze. Aside from his slightly irregular breathing, his expression was as usual.
At this point, he had finally heard Lou Yunxiao’s confession.
Yet he had no resistance, no disgust, and no excitement.
All there was, was a strange sort of desolation.
He admitted he once had vague feelings for Lou Yunxiao.
Something between friends and lovers.
Whether it reached the level of “like” or “love,” he didn’t know himself.
But those feelings had long been ground away during those ten thousand years.
The current him held only guilt for Lou Yunxiao and for this world.
He wanted to sever all connections between himself and this man.
He believed Lou Yunxiao would meet someone better in the future.
He would surely not remain devoted to a liar like him.
“Are you done making a scene?” Ning Ke calmly wiped the moisture from his lips. There was no insult, no scolding, and no hysteria.
It was as if in his eyes, Lou Yunxiao’s behavior was so childish and laughable that he couldn’t even be bothered to take offense.
Like a high-and-mighty judge, his gaze fell on Lou Yunxiao’s hand that was gripping him tight, and he commanded: “If you’re done, let go.”
Lou Yunxiao’s body stiffened, the color draining from his cheeks.
His gripped fingers loosened, letting Ning Ke escape his hold.
“A-Ke…”
Lou Yunxiao’s lips trembled. All the excitement from just now turned into embarrassment and dull pain.
The fear of being abandoned made his heart shiver.
He didn’t understand why A-Ke would treat him like this.
They were so good before…
Suddenly, as if realizing something, he said urgently in a hoarse voice, “You’re lying to me again, right?”
“Yes, you’re always lying to me. At the Sword Sect, in the underground palace… saying these things now, saying you don’t like me—you must be lying to me again…”
Listening to Lou Yunxiao’s self-talk, Ning Ke stepped out of the corner and turned around, meeting eyes that looked like they were about to burst into tears at any moment.
His voice was thin and cold.
“I’m sorry. Only this time, I am not lying to you.”
Translator’s Note: Oh, the “I’m not lying to you this time” line is a dagger to the heart! Lou Yunxiao is practically begging for A-Ke to tell him it’s all a joke. This is classic “blackened” angst. Ning Ke is being so cruel to be kind, but he’s crushing Lou Yunxiao’s soul in the process. I need a box of tissues!
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