Chapter 135: Blind Date Chaos
The packages contained some art supplies Wen Ling had bought. His inspiration had been overflowing lately, and he had so many scenes he wanted to depict.
He wanted to paint them all, frame them, and give them to Cheng Ge.
At noon, the one elder and two youngsters squeezed into the kitchen to cook. When they fried the preserved meat, the smoke was quite thick, so Cheng Ge turned on the new range hood he had bought. The smoke situation improved instantly.
After lunch, Cheng Ge and Wen Ling sat on the steps to digest their food, occasionally chatting about nothing in particular.
During these times, the family dog would come over to nuzzle against their legs.
The sensation of the dogās furry tail wagging against them through their clothes was a soft and magical touch.
If Wen Ling grew sleepy, he would lean on Cheng Geās shoulder and close his eyes. Sometimes, he could nap like that for nearly an hour.
While Wen Ling slept, Cheng Ge would take out his phone to snap pictures. First, heād take several close-ups of Wen Lingās well-behaved sleeping face.
Then, he would carefully hold the phone high, making various goofy hand gestures for selfies of the two of them.
Once Wen Ling woke up, he would go right back to being clingy. When Grandpa was around, he would just squeeze Cheng Ge’s hand, tickle his waist, or pull other small, harmless stunts.
But if Grandpa wasn’t there, he wouldn’t hold back at all. He would press close to kiss Cheng Ge or bite his ear. He loved seeing Cheng Geās ears turn red while he tried to act as if nothing were happening.
Wen Ling absolutely loved this life. He could see Cheng Ge all day long and be with him at every moment.
Occasionally, they helped with farm work, but most of their time was spent walking, chatting, or just spacing out together. It was a life without worldly distractionsāpeaceful and beautiful.
In truth, saying there were no worldly distractions wasn’t entirely accurate. It was more that the people coming to visit just happened to have poor timing and never ran into them.
The news that Grandpaās grandson was back, recovering from a leg injury, had long since spread through the neighborhood.
Several neighbors had intended to drop by to express their neighborly concern.
More importantly, they wanted to help set the boys up with some of the village girls.
However, whenever those middle-aged aunties came to scout, Wen Ling had already pushed Cheng Ge off to some unknown spot to soak in the sun and be lovey-dovey.
As a result, the various aunts and grandmas never caught a glimpse of Cheng Ge. Instead, Wen Ling was spotted by a passing auntie while he was helping Grandpa carry water.
Wen Ling was exceptionally good-lookingāfair-skinned with clear, bright eyes. The fact that he was helping with chores made him even more beloved by the elders. The auntieās matchmaking heart was already stirring.
She came to the house to inquire and found out he was the grandson’s classmate and a scholar to boot, which made him an even better prospect.
Grandpa knew that young people nowadays believed in free love and letting things happen naturally. He hadn’t intended to make his grandson go on a blind date, let alone Wen Ling. He didn’t feel it was his place to make such decisions for them.
But that auntie praised the girl so highly and then frightened Grandpa, saying that if the boys waited too long, they wouldn’t find partners and would have no one to accompany them in their old age. This left Grandpa deeply worried.
After mulling it over for a few days, Grandpa finally asked Wen-zai, a bit sheepishly, if he wanted to meet a girl.
The problem was that when Grandpa said “meet a girl,” he used the local dialect for “seeing a prospective partner.”
Cheng Ge wasn’t there at the time, and Wen Ling didn’t understand. He saw Grandpa smiling and talking about going somewhere, so he assumed Grandpa was asking if he wanted to go out and play. Worried that Cheng Ge wouldn’t be able to join because of his leg, he asked, “Can Cheng Ge come too?”
Grandpa assumed Wen Ling was just being shy, so he hurriedly said, “Of course! Xiao Cheng will go along to help you give your opinion.”
And so, the blind date was settled. The location was set at a path between the rice fieldsāa place to just see each other first and see if they could get along.
What Wen Ling told Cheng Ge was that Grandpa wanted them to go out and play, and that someone would be there to meet them.
The way Wen Ling described the blind date made it sound like a secret agent mission. Cheng Ge was a bit baffled, but it sounded interesting. Besides, Wen Ling was willing to take the initiative to make new friends, so Cheng Ge naturally agreed.
Wen Ling and Cheng Ge arrived early. No one had come to “meet” them yet. Cheng Ge looked at the rice fields before them and asked Wen Ling with a laugh, “Should we ‘kiln’ some sweet potatoes together?”
Wen Ling had never done it, so he frowned slightly and asked, “What does it mean to kiln sweet potatoes?”
“Ah, you use those dirt clods in the field to build a kiln dome.” Cheng Ge remembered Wen Ling likely had no experience with this and began to describe it.
“Then you start a fire to heat the dirt until itās red-hot. You throw the sweet potatoes inside, and finally, you kick the kiln down to bury them. After waiting about forty or fifty minutes, you dig them out and eat.”
“Is it delicious?” Wen Ling was more concerned about that.
“It is. Itāll be very fragrant, similar to roasted sweet potatoes.”
“Hey, have you ever had kiln chicken?”
Wen Ling shook his head.
“Kiln chicken is also very delicious,” Cheng Ge said. “The method is the same as the sweet potatoes. Itās incredibly fragrant.”
Cheng Ge had a relative in the countryside; he had stayed there as a child and eaten kiln chicken once. He had never forgotten that taste.
“When my leg is better, should we kiln a chicken together?” Cheng Ge felt he absolutely had to let Wen Ling taste something that delicious.
Wen Ling loved experiencing new things with Cheng Ge, so he agreed immediately. “I want to. Weāll do sweet potatoes too.”
“Sure.”
After saying that, Cheng Ge began to laugh for no apparent reason. He didn’t even know what he was laughing at; it just seemed that Wen Lingās “vibe” didn’t really match with “kiln chicken” and “kiln sweet potatoes.” The combination was a bit hilarious.
Before Cheng Ge could finish laughing, he heard voices from a distance calling out, “Young man! Young man!” Cheng Ge and Wen Ling shared a look and turned around. There were seven or eight middle-aged women and several young ladiesāat least a dozen people in total.
Cheng Ge knew those “young man” shouts were definitely directed at them.
He was completely stunned. He turned his head mechanically toward Wen Ling and asked blankly, “What did Grandpa say he wanted us to go out and do?”
Wen Ling was also confused. He recalled Grandpa’s words. “He asked if I wanted to ‘date’ someone.”
Wen Ling mimicked Grandpaās dialect when he said “date.” Although his pronunciation wasn’t standard, the meaning was roughly discernible.
Cheng Ge blinked, and it clicked instantly. He covered his eyes with one hand, turned his face away, and let out a hiss. He was speechless but also wanted to laugh.
In the end, he could only look at Wen Ling with a helpless laugh. “This is going to be difficult.”
“What is?” Wen Ling still didn’t understand. He gripped the handles of the wheelchair, looking a bit anxious.
The auntie in the lead saw Wen Ling leaning forward over the wheelchair and assumed they weren’t interested and were about to leave. she waved her hand and shouted, “Hey! Young man! Young man, don’t leave!”
That shout was the trigger. The group of women, who had been walking, suddenly started running toward them. Their enthusiastic momentum was truly terrifying.
“Holy shit! Xiao Wen, Xiao Wen!” Cheng Ge was startled by the sight. He instinctively put his hands on the wheels. “Run! Run!”
Although Wen Ling hadn’t figured everything out, he immediately followed Cheng Geās command and began pushing the wheelchair as fast as he could.
Cheng Ge hadn’t originally intended to run; they could have just explained things. But some things are beyond the control of reason.
For instance, when a horde of extremely enthusiastic middle-aged aunties is chasing you and yelling “don’t run,” youāre going to run.
Wen Ling pushed Cheng Ge with the wind at his back. Somehow, they were chased all the way home and were cornered at their own front door.
“Grandpa, help!” Cheng Ge shouted as he was pursued. Wen Ling joined in, shouting “Grandpa, help!” at the top of his lungs in the living room.
Grandpa had been dozing off. When he heard the “kids'” cries for help and the chaotic voices and footsteps outside, he thought a thief had broken in. His reaction was practically: (Sitting up startled like a dying man.)
He grabbed a mop, ready to fight.
But there would be no fighting.
Clutching his mop, Grandpa stood frozen like a stone statue, staring at the group of cheerful women outside…
Translator’s Note:Ā
- Matching/Blind Dates: Matchmaking is a huge part of rural social life in China. Aunties (da ma) are the legendary masters of this craft.
- Xiang qin (ēøč¦Ŗ): The formal term for a blind date/matchmaking session.
- Chu dui xiang (čå°č±”): A slightly old-fashioned but common way to say “dating” or “starting a relationship.”
- Yao (ēŖÆ): This refers to the “earth kiln” method of cooking. Itās a very nostalgic activity for anyone who grew up in or visited the Chinese countryside.
- Sitting up startled like a dying man (åę»ē äøé©åčµ·): This is a line from a Tang Dynasty poem by Yuan Zhen, but it became a very popular internet meme in China used to describe someone suddenly waking up or reacting with extreme energy despite being exhausted or “half-dead.”Ā
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