Chapter 1: Learn About the “Reincarnate at Will” Blessing
“Spend a fortune, cast a good reincarnation. Close your eyes, open them again—easier than a painless procedure. You will once again possess a healthy, beating heart.”
Newly deceased ghost Shou Jiaxun believed that Underworld advertisement. He exhausted all the accumulated blessings of his past life to purchase the “Reincarnate at Will” Big Male Lead Reincarnation Package, only to end up reincarnated as a freak.
It wasn’t that he had grown an extra head; the key issue was that he wasn’t a “fetus.”
The moment Shou Jiaxun returned to the mortal realm, he didn’t see the expected delivery room, nurses, or a biological mother. Instead, he saw a stylishly hair-styled “spirited young man” straddling his body, clearly about to engage in some unspeakable activities.
…This was a bit too stimulating.
Shou Jiaxun’s entire body was numb and stiff. Aside from his chest rising and falling with his breath, only his eyeballs could slightly turn left and right.
The surroundings were dimly lit, dance music was blaring, and laser lights flickered on and off, making it difficult for him to clearly see the specific features of the young man positioned above him.
…Though the figure was passable—lean but not scrawny, with a narrow waist and long legs.
Shou Jiaxun assessed this “same-model-as-his-past-life” youth with the critical gaze of a straight man, silently disparaging him: So what if the body is good? Damn homo.
凸_凸
Shou Jiaxun. Past life gender: Male. Age at death: 36. Cause of death: Sudden cardiac arrest due to overwork.
Past life blessings converted to Underworld currency: 7,925,006,000. A certified tycoon.
“Possessing such substantial blessings, naturally, you should treat yourself to a good reincarnation in the next life. For example, this ‘My Fate is Up to Me: Reincarnate at Will’ package would suit you perfectly.”
About a quarter of an hour ago, the Underworld customer service representative calling herself Elizabeth Yuling Yelizi Meng handed a tablet that looked like a menu to Shou Jiaxun and said those exact words.
Although President Shou felt deeply regretful that his entrepreneurial endeavors in his previous life had come to an abrupt halt halfway through, seeing the scope of choices for his next life being so broad and free made him feel that the future was promising. He was full of anticipation.
At that moment, he casually swiped open the tablet’s reincarnation creation page and confidently arranged his brand-new life:
—Gender: Naturally, select “Male.” Being a woman involves having periods, which detrimental to quality of life.
—Looks: Definitely the higher the better. “Loved by all” is standard for a protagonist. No issues there.
—Regarding offspring…
In his past life, President Shou was a workplace “Involution King” and workaholic who didn’t have time to get married. He thought he should have a few more children in the next life to make up for it; let’s go with “a hall full of descendants.”
—Erase past life memories? System suggests erasing.
President Shou suddenly hesitated. He felt pained at the thought of his twenty years of PPT-making skills going to waste—it would truly be a pity. So, he ignored the suggestion and chose to retain them.
—Career path?
When Shou Jiaxun reached this section, he hesitated for two seconds again.
Although he quite enjoyed the sense of accomplishment from building a career, he considered that he had died from overwork in his previous life. Since he had a choice for the next one, he must be cautious.
For instance: “If I can win by lying down, why struggle? Add ‘Reaping without Sowing’ (Unearned Gains). Perfect.”
President Shou returned the menu full of longing, thinking that with such a “king bomb” setup, a life that started high and went higher was a foregone conclusion.
Who knew that in the blink of an eye, he would be thrown onto a strange “lecher’s” bed? Who could withstand this?!
Reality can be skinnier than ideals, but it shouldn’t turn directly into “ashes,” right?
Shou Jiaxun stared with eyes full of terror at the strange young man kissing and groping him, screaming for help in his collapsing heart: “Xiao Meng! Xiao Meng, did you make a mistake?! WTF, you definitely made a mistake!”
“I didn’t make a mistake, dear. Dear, please calm down…”
A sweet, girlish voice immediately responded softly in Shou Jiaxun’s ear.
At this moment, the strange young man had already lifted the hem of his clothes, stroking upward along his waistline.
That—big! Two wandering hands touching and pinching made it impossible for Shou Jiaxun to calm down.
The confused straight man cursed and rebuked: “Calm down my ass! If you didn’t make a mistake, who is this guy on top of me? My twin brother? Why is he wearing clothes inside the placenta?!”
“Dear, don’t worry, he’ll be naked soon.”
Before the Underworld customer service rep finished speaking, the stranger straddling Shou Jiaxun’s waist suddenly leaned down, bit his earlobe, and exhaled hot breath into his ear, teasing ambiguously: “Nervous? You dare to hang out in a place like this with zero experience? Let Big Brother teach you a lesson today, okay?”
“Okay your grandpa!” Shou Jiaxun shouted abuse, but the sound didn’t reach his throat. He could only focus his mind again to question his personal customer service: “Why can’t I speak or move? Am I vegetative or brain-damaged? I remember checking the health insurance guarantee. What is going on?”
“Dear, it’s the three-minute cooling period. To prevent users from having extreme reactions due to the inability to immediately adapt to their new life, everyone has a three-minute silent period after reincarnation. Even newborns have it. It’s mainly to help users adapt to their new life. Dear, just one minute and seventeen seconds left, and you will have complete control over your new body.”
While the female customer service rep chattered on, the strange young man was smilingly kissing Shou Jiaxun’s lips. The heavy smell of alcohol rushed into Shou Jiaxun’s nose, forcing a tear of chilling despair from the corner of each eye: “You surnamed Meng, I’m going to file a complaint against you, you big idiot. Mmph…”
The alcohol-reeking young man above heard Shou Jiaxun let out a weak moan. He propped himself up slightly and smiled at him, his lips still stained with both their saliva, full, moist, and slightly alluring.
This not-too-far, not-too-close distance finally allowed Shou Jiaxun to take in the other person’s full appearance.
—Damn, so young. A brat. Is he twenty yet? Has his hair even grown in? Hanging out in bars at such a young age, don’t your parents care?
He was handsome, though. Thick eyebrows, clear and correct brow shape, deep phoenix eyes with upward-slanting tails; the dashing brows and eyes added a bit of sharp intensity to his tender face.
He was a beauty in the making. Once the baby fat on his cheeks faded in a few years, he would definitely be even more handsome.
However, the core issue right now had nothing to do with what he looked like, and everything to do with what he was doing.
Shou Jiaxun, who hadn’t yet exited the “cooling period,” felt a wave of nausea ripple through his body. Not only was his shirt wide open, but the brother on top shamefully freed a hand to pick at his pants button.
Half of Shou Jiaxun’s chest was being repeatedly rubbed and played with under the young man’s warm palm.
Judging by this moment, out of the entire “Reincarnate at Will” reincarnation package Shou Jiaxun had bought with all his past life’s blessings, only the item “Gender: Male” matched the description.
The Underworld customer service Idiot Meng seemed to have switched to airplane mode after being threatened and insulted by Shou Jiaxun, ignoring the client’s plight.
Shou Jiaxun had no way to go to heaven or earth. He could only soften his tone and beg the Underworld civil servant: “Comrade Xiao Meng, can you make him go limp for a bit? That thing is poking me… I’m straight, I’m going to vomit, really…”
“Sorry, Mr. Total Shou, Xiao Meng’s cross-dimensional service cannot affect other people. I can only connect with you on a single line.”
The Underworld customer service finally restored communication: “Also, a reminder, your cooling period has five seconds left. Four, three, two…”
“Then I’ll do it myself!”
Upon finally gaining complete control over his brand-new body, Shou Jiaxun made a big move—an explosive knee-raise and kick.
The young man lying on top of him suddenly let out a miserable shriek: “Holy… crap!”
Shou Jiaxun struggled to push the obstacle away, rolled off the bed, and as he bolted out the door, he didn’t forget to look back and curse: “You cool down for three minutes too!”
Customer Service Xiao Meng’s anxious cry suddenly resonated in Shou Jiaxun’s mind: “Hey! That’s your fated husband! You, you, you… you acted on impulse and messed up, now your luck and destiny are completely off the rails!”
Shou Jiaxun slammed the door shut with a bang, full of resentment as he accused the Underworld customer service Xiao Meng: “You’re the one off the rails! Your whole head is off the rails. I placed a high-priced order for ‘Reincarnate at Will’—I wanted to reincarnate! Do you understand reincarnation? Now you’ve made it look like ghost possession, making me a ghost possessing someone else’s body! And that’s not all, you threw me a man… I think you didn’t send me to reincarnate, you wanted to watch me—”
Die suddenly again.
The last few words in President Shou’s mouth were interrupted by a loud slap—PA!—across his face.
The impact of the five-finger mountain on his face was quite loud; half his face immediately burned with pain.
Shou Jiaxun had concentrated all his energy on arguing with the Underworld customer service, so he hadn’t noticed his surroundings, nor had he realized in time that a kid with a hateful expression was walking toward him as fast as the wind.
Compared to Shou Jiaxun’s “age at death” in his previous life, humans in their twenties were all “kids.”
But when President Shou subconsciously touched his burning, painful cheek, he realized that he and the “kid” seemed to be…
About the same size?
Shou Jiaxun’s vacant, ignorant eyes revealed his currently equally vacant and ignorant brainstem. He really didn’t know anything…
The “kid” slapped him and immediately followed up with a vicious scolding: “Shou Jiaxun, you slut! I introduced you to work at ‘Huiye’ because I pitied your family’s debt and inability to pay tuition, not for you to snatch men from me. You’d better disappear right now, or you definitely won’t have a good ending!”
Shou Jiaxun’s expression remained ignorant, but his eyes were no longer as “vacant” as before.
He thought: Why the hell am I still named Shou Jiaxun? Don’t you change names when you reincarnate? Is this rebirth? …But I didn’t go through this in my past life! Parallel universe? …Sci-fi?
And also: So this place is called “Huiye” (Splendid Night). What an earthy name, low to the point of exploding.
Seeing Shou Jiaxun’s expressionless lack of reaction, the boy thought he wasn’t taking his words seriously. Emboldened, he took a step forward and shoved him: “Slut, do you not understand human language?”
Shou Jiaxun didn’t know him, so naturally, there was no reason to tolerate him repeatedly.
So when the boy lunged a second time, Shou Jiaxun had already tensed his right quadriceps, ready to give this one a friendly “curtsey” as well.
But this time, as the other party grabbed him, a memory appeared out of thin air in his brain.
—Just said he didn’t know him, but in the blink of an eye, he “remembered”?
The boy’s name is Yin Xi, Shou Jiaxun’s classmate.
Li Mai International High School, Year 3, Class 1.
The one laid out by his “Golden Right Foot” in the room behind him… that guy is called Xiao Yu. He’s their class… monitor.
Not studying properly for exams in the third year of high school, messing around in bars… truly impressive.
Because Shou Jiaxun suddenly “remembered” some things, he was caught off guard and distracted. As a result, the right kick he had ready on the string failed to launch in time.
Yin Xi’s second attack was fierce. Shou Jiaxun couldn’t stabilize his body and stumbled back two steps, the back of his head hitting the door panel he had just slammed shut a few seconds ago with a thud.
The thick, heavy box door was knocked open a crack. Shou Jiaxun instinctively looked back, and coincidentally locked eyes with Class Monitor Xiao, who was curled up on the sofa inside, licking his internal injuries.
The one inside was even fiercer than the one outside, roaring with eyes splitting in anger: “Shou Jiaxun, just you wait! You’re dead!”
Shou Jiaxun withdrew his gaze expressionlessly. He didn’t have the patience to deal with brats right now.
He had to free up energy to negotiate with the Underworld customer service, Idiot Meng.
He might even have to commit “suicide” to go back and file a complaint.
Truly motherf*cking · ghost-seeing · “Reincarnate at Will” Big Male Lead · Package!
…Packages never contain good things.
[Author’s Note]: Little Shou Shou reincarnated with a buff~ Mm-hmm, definitely reincarnated (*≧ω≦)
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