Chapter 2: Truly Asking for Trouble
Inside the private room, Xiao Yu couldn’t see their other classmate, Yin Xi, through the crack in the door. He could only see Shou Jiaxun looking disheveled, pulling his clothes together, bowing his head, and saying to the side: “Sorry.”
Then he hurriedly slipped away with flustered steps.
On the other side of the door, Yin Xi was fiercely glared at by Shou Jiaxun’s cold, sullen eyes.
What Shou Jiaxun actually said was: “Sorry, move aside.” His tone was contemptuous and impatient.
Yin Xi didn’t want Class Monitor Xiao inside the box to see him, so he didn’t move to continue lecturing Shou Jiaxun.
Shou Jiaxun walked quickly, deftly fastening his belt and shirt buttons while glancing left and right to assess the environment of “Huiye.”
There was a stage and a dance floor, but not many people. The booth area was equally sparse.
A DJ, bobbing his head to create atmosphere, stood in a suspended glass room spinning discs, outputting ambiguous, sexy slow-tempo melodies.
Judging by this vibe, they were either warming up or close to closing time.
Shou Jiaxun walked faster and faster, following the fluorescent green exit signs straight to the nightclub’s main entrance. After exiting, he ran a distance before judging the approximate time.
It was warm and slightly humid outside, likely a midsummer night.
There were neither pedestrians nor moving cars on the street. The streetlights were locked in energy-saving mode, lighting up at intervals, indicating it was definitely past two in the morning.
But looking into the distance, there was no sign of the night sky brightening yet, so it was still some time before dawn, probably two or three o’clock.
Shou Jiaxun had originally intended to find a secret, quiet place to confront the Underworld female customer service rep. Now, it saved him the trouble; everywhere between heaven and earth was quiet. It was private enough that even if he ran naked, no one would pay attention.
So he took a deep breath and sat down on the curb: “Comrade Xiao Meng, come out for a chat.”
His tone was exactly the same as when he was a boss deciding to fire an employee in his past life.
Of course, that was exactly what he was thinking right now.
This customer service agent called Eli-whatever-Idiot-Meng had to be replaced.
“Sorry, Mr. Total Shou, your problem is a bit tricky right now.”
The Underworld customer service rep probably also realized that the “Reincarnate at Will” big male lead destiny Shou Jiaxun ordered didn’t match the goods delivered. Her tone was cautious and carried a hint of apology.
Before starting the main topic, Shou Jiaxun patiently corrected her address: “It’s President Shou, not Total Shou.”
“Apologies, Mr. President Shou.”
Who puts “President” and “Mr.” together as a suffix? This customer service rep was clearly not just lacking consideration; her brain probably wasn’t quite sufficient either.
Shou Jiaxun sighed, lowered his head, and rubbed his forehead, secretly reminding himself, “Do not argue lengths with a fool.”
Then, he tried to ask as calmly as possible: “I definitely reincarnated wrong in this life. Can I go back and re-roll now?”
Idiot Meng’s voice hesitated: “In principle… yes, but I don’t recommend you do that.”
“State the reason.”
“Once you reset your new life, the moment you open your eyes, the work order for ‘Reincarnate at Will’ has already been verified and closed. You can certainly find a wall to bang your head against right now and go back to the Underworld to go through the reincarnation process again. But your past life blessings were all used to exchange for this ‘Reincarnate at Will’ Lying-Win Package. If you go back now, you can only choose ‘Random Reincarnation.’ At that point, whatever you get is what you get. You might not necessarily be human.”
Shou Jiaxun laughed out of anger: “I was an entrepreneurial Involution King for twenty years in my last life, and your Underworld bankrupts me in one move.”
However, at this moment, he had to fight for his rights: “But the mistake right now isn’t mine; it’s your work order. There is absolutely no reason for me, a victimized consumer, to bear the responsibility. …Do you guys have a ‘12315’ consumer hotline over there? I want to file a complaint.”
“We do have one…” Idiot Meng’s tone became increasingly awkward. “But there is no problem with your work order itself.”
Shou Jiaxun was torn between laughter and tears: “I’ve encountered customer service like you, who shift the blame whenever something happens, more than once in my past life. So tell me, where exactly is my problem?”
“You wanted to win by lying down, and you wanted to reap without sowing, correct?” The female customer service rep asked solemnly in Shou Jiaxun’s ear.
Shou Jiaxun raised a brow: “Correct. You told me ‘Reincarnate at Will’ means choosing whatever I want. Is there a problem with me choosing this?”
“I didn’t say you have a problem. The Book of Fate arranged a destiny for you where ‘you can become a winner in life just by lying down.’ As long as your husband loves you, he will naturally satisfy all your needs. That is ‘Reaping without Sowing’! So there is absolutely no problem with the Book of Fate either.”
Comrade Xiao Meng’s “clever” interpretation was completely irresponsible… but very self-righteous.
Shou Jiaxun retorted, flabbergasted: “What do you mean ‘as long as’?! Who ruled that I must have a husband? Besides, I’m a man. Why should I be gay, and why must he love me?”
The female customer service rep’s voice grew louder: “That’s exactly why it’s a must! Because you are the only big male lead in your Book of Fate, your husband must love you. If he doesn’t love you, the Book of Fate will kill him! And swap in a new one for you.”
President Shou nearly passed out from listening to this: “Is it difficult to just let me ‘reincarnate’ into the richest family?!”
“The son of the richest man has to inherit a hundred-billion-dollar family business; it’s very hard work! Learning literature at three, martial arts at four, ten languages as a base, studying astronomy, geography, finance, and economics. Twenty-four hours a day broken into a hundred pieces to spend! May I ask, how would you still lie down? How would you reap without sowing?”
—This was simply sophistry!
But thinking about it carefully, it seemed to make a little sense.
President Shou hissed and inhaled: “No, that’s still not right. Let’s rewind… I remember I also chose ‘Descendants Filling the Hall.’ But I am a man now; how can I have a hall full of descendants with another man?”
“Don’t worry, your secondary gender is Omega. You have a uterus. Not only can you give birth, and give birth freely, but you can also decide how many litters to have yourself.”
“Hooligan!” Shou Jiaxun was choked with anger but was helpless against this frenzied new worldview.
He could only rack his brains to pick faults: “Rewind again… Right! ‘Reincarnate at Will’ means reincarnating as a fetus. I am fundamentally not a ‘fetus’ right now.”
The female customer service rep argued strongly: “But you also chose ‘Retain Past Life Memories.’ If you retain memories as a ‘fetus,’ you cannot adapt and survive the ‘amniotic fluid period.’ You would be stillborn. Wouldn’t that be a waste of a ‘reincarnation’?”
“I can start from being a newborn! At least give me an adaptation process.”
“A zero-year-old body loaded with a thirty-six-year-old mind, relying on cheating to crush peers with half a lifetime of experience—do you have no shame?”
The female customer service rep spoke righteously: “To retain past life memories, one can only soul-transmigrate into an adult body. This is a basic rule. It’s useless to argue with me. Besides, with your current level of social experience compared to your peers, you’ve already won at the ‘starting line.’ What are you still dissatisfied with?”
The Underworld customer service’s words became sharper and sharper, as if she were the wronged one, not her client.
President Shou, who had been strong all his life, sat alone by the empty street, his figure desolate, holding back tears of frustration as he bit his lip.
“In short, the current established facts absolutely cannot be changed?”
“Not entirely. You can, of course, choose to abandon this life and return to the Underworld transit station to accept a ‘Random Reincarnation.’ However, random…”
Shou Jiaxun interrupted her: “However, it might randomly generate a pig, dog, sheep, chicken, duck, goose… ant, mouse, cockroach.”
“If you’re lucky, there’s also a probability of spawning as a panda, a holy elephant, or a bald eagle… though the chance of becoming a national treasure is definitely a bit smaller than becoming a human.”
Shou Jiaxun buried his head in the crook of his arm dejectedly. “Contract disputes” were a tricky matter no matter where they occurred.
After all, the existence of such things was to avoid “disputes,” so when drafting them, both parties must have exhausted their brains to ensure rigor.
So at this time, the key to the wrestling match was to see who could catch the loopholes in the other party’s clauses first.
“Trouble you to show me the ‘Reincarnate at Will’ agreement again,” President Shou proposed his final request weakly.
“Okay, please close your eyes, relax the muscles around your eyes, and concentrate.”
Shou Jiaxun did as told. Soon, with his eyes closed, he “saw” a tablet computer appear in front of him.
Since this was likely his last chance to turn the tables, Shou Jiaxun couldn’t help but hold his breath and concentrate, nitpicking every word, not even daring to let a punctuation mark slip by.
At this time, a royal blue pearl-paint low-slung Porsche drove out of the nightclub parking lot less than half a kilometer away from him. The exaggerated color combined with the exaggerated low profile created a peerless cyberpunk atmosphere.
It was a good car, but being purely electric, it lacked the domineering aggression of a gasoline turbo beast and lacked a bit of passion.
The high-end sports car silently accelerated on the empty, quiet street, but the speed dropped sharply just after picking up.
It was a bit like a convulsion.
Then it came to a complete stop on the opposite side of the road from Shou Jiaxun.
The rear window of the two-row coupe rolled down, revealing a handsome face filled with anger; it was none other than Student Xiao, who had been plotted against by Shou Jiaxun’s “Golden Right Foot” in the “Huiye” private room.
Student Xiao told the driver to stop, but after stopping, he didn’t say what the matter was.
The driver waited for two minutes in vain, unable to resist glancing at the back seat through the rearview mirror.
Student Xiao’s brows were slightly furrowed, his face full of resentment. He seemed to be sulking, but also looked like he was pondering a major event concerning the rise and fall of his life.
“Young Master?” the driver asked in a low voice. “Young Master, are you waiting for someone?”
Xiao Yu jerked his chin toward the opposite side of the road: “Go check on that person. See what the situation is.”
The middle-aged male driver opened the door and got out, trotting a few steps to Shou Jiaxun: “Hey, are you okay?”
Seeing no reaction from the other party, he asked again a few seconds later: “Hey, are you alright? Can you hear me?”
Seeing that the other party still had absolutely no reaction, Xiao Yu’s driver reached out and gently pushed the young man’s shoulder.
Shou Jiaxun’s body tilted to one side in response to the hand, silently collapsing onto the curb.
“Ah! …Hey hey! What’s going on?” Shou Jiaxun screamed in shock, but he didn’t actually make a sound.
In the eyes of Xiao Yu and his driver, Shou Jiaxun remained as calm as a corpse.
However, the real Shou Jiaxun himself was so scared he almost took flight on the spot. And not only was he screaming, but his exclusive customer service Xiao Meng was also shouting in panic: “Ahhh! Open your eyes quickly! Stop looking at the contract, stop looking! You’re concentrating too much! Relax! Relax a little, you’re about to have an ‘Out of Body Experience’!”
“‘Out of Body’ what the hell? …I’m relaxing! …Ah no, I can’t relax. I found the problem! Supplementary Clause Page 6, Item 121, I have the ‘Right to Know.’ You guys deprived me of my right to know during the specified reincarnation process!”
“Huh?” The Underworld female customer service rep seemed to only emit a confused syllable akin to a jam.
But the commercially astute President Shou keenly detected a “little panic” from the other party in this simple syllable.
…
In the night, the suspicious rich young master Xiao Yu slowly walked up to Shou Jiaxun, tilting his head and squinting to examine him for a few seconds.
Suddenly, he raised his leg and kicked Shou Jiaxun in the chest.
Shou Jiaxun was kicked over, turning from lying on his side to lying on his back.
The driver was startled by his Young Master. Seeing that he was about to kick again, he hurriedly reached out to stop him: “Young Master! …Young Master, wait a moment. He doesn’t seem right.”
Before he finished speaking, he had already crouched down to check Shou Jiaxun’s breathing. A moment later, he looked up with a prudent expression: “Young Master, he doesn’t look drunk. He seems to have stopped breathing… Should we send him to the hospital, Young Master?”
Class Monitor Xiao frowned and sneered: “Dead? F*ck, then find a place to bury him.”
[Author’s Note]: Dun dun dun, Grievance No. 1 Xiao Yu is now listed for trading.
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