Chapter 100
That voice was pressed low, a hoarse timbre wrapped in deep affection.
When her hand was caught by that large, rough, warm palm, Zhao Yiyi first shrank back instinctively, then froze in place.
Actually, his grip was very loose, merely covering her hand lightly without using much force. But at the gentle touch of those scorching fingertips, the tip of Zhao Yiyi’s heart trembled.
She furrowed her brows tightly, looked at the distinct muscles on his chest, and reached her hand out again.
But she was caught by him once more.
“Be good, don’t move around.” Gu Zhen paused in his movements, softening his voice to coax her gently.
His expression revealed a nervousness that was hard to detect. This time, he held her a bit more firmly, not daring to let go even a little. He looked at Zhao Yiyi with his heart in his throat, terrified of provoking her displeasure. “You climbed a mountain today; are you tired?”
Zhao Yiyi said she was tired.
Gu Zhen then leaned down, holding her ankle, and began to gently massage her calf. His technique had improved greatly this time; before long, it became increasingly pleasant, greatly relieving the soreness and fatigue.
Zhao Yiyi lowered her head slightly to look at him, pursed her lips, and leaned back gently. His technique for changing the subject was so clumsy; naturally, she heard it.
The man’s phoenix eyes were half-lowered. Even though his deep brows and eyes were not raised, it was enough to make one’s heart skip a beat.
Although immersed in the undulating sea, her mind slightly dazed for a moment, she had clearly seen the fleeting panic in Gu Zhen’s eyes just now.
“And here.” Zhao Yiyi pointed to a spot casually, frowning. “You certainly had it comfortable, just staying in the carriage.”
Gu Zhen laughed. “Zhen wanted to accompany you up the mountain, but you refused. Now you come to blame Zhen?”
The new place she pointed to was closer to the back of the knee.
Thus, the two of them were even closer. Close enough to clearly see the dividing lines between each muscle, and the texture of the sleeping robe seemed to be fully displayed before her eyes.
Looking at the edge of the sleeping robe that was within reach, Zhao Yiyi’s heartbeat accelerated.
But as if sensing her intention, Gu Zhen suddenly looked up, lowered his voice, and said, “Yiyi, don’t touch this.”
Zhao Yiyi didn’t answer. She just looked down at him, one hand tightly clutching the half-undone silk skirt. Her knuckles protruded with force, turning white.
A perfectly good, newly made skirt—first abused by Gu Zhen, and now tortured like this by her.
Obviously, it couldn’t be worn anymore.
Their gazes met. Zhao Yiyi refused to retreat even half a step. Just staring like that was enough to make Gu Zhen’s fingertips tremble slightly. After a long while, he finally glanced away, admitting defeat.
“It’s not good to look at.” His voice was slightly heavy; though it retained its usual mellowness, it carried a bit of dejection.
Raising his eyes to look at her, Gu Zhen said again, “Don’t look at it, okay?”
In that instant, Zhao Yiyi vaguely recalled him lying inside the bed curtains. Just as she was about to lift the curtains, he had pressed them down tightly, his voice trembling as he told her not to open them, saying his appearance right now wasn’t good to look at.
She vaguely guessed the reason.
After pondering for a long while, she asked, “Then when can I look?”
Gu Zhen’s eyelashes fluttered. His whole body stiffened, and he didn’t even dare to answer her.
Zhao Yiyi realized the truth. She reached out, pinched the edge of the sleeping robe, and gently pulled it outward. The intricate skin on his left arm came into view. Scars and welts intertwined without pattern, causing one’s pupils to shrink subconsciously.
Actually, one could still see signs that the various marks had faded. The faint scent wafting from them was also extremely similar to scar-removal ointment.
The question of why the Chenyu incense on his body had been mixed with other scents in recent months was answered.
Zhao Yiyi had thought he changed incense or switched to a blended fragrance.
Catching the shock and astonishment in her eyes, Gu Zhen’s heart instantly constricted. Anxious, he tried to pull her hand away, completely flustered. “Yiyi, Zhen knows it’s ugly. Zhen will later…”
“Why haven’t I heard you mention it before?” Zhao Yiyi forcibly suppressed the shock in her heart, gathered her brows, and asked him in a concentrated voice.
Gu Zhen looked hesitant, then whispered, “Zhen was afraid you would be disgusted.”
Before, she thought what she saw was everything—at most, extending from the wrist up to that patch he wouldn’t let her see.
She had never imagined the injury would be this severe.
The upper half of his left arm had almost no intact skin.
Come to think of it, the fire had been so fierce. He had rushed in and searched for so long; how could he have only suffered minor injuries?
Clearly, the charcoal fire in the room was just right, not hot at all, and his body temperature was only lukewarm, yet her eyes burned with pain. She turned her head away and said, “Why did you rush inside risking your life? You don’t know anything, and I wasn’t even in there. Who are you showing this appearance to?”
As she spoke, the rims of her eyes turned red, and her voice carried a few sobs.
Zhao Yiyi reached out to push him, using quite a bit of force. “Who asked you to save me? Who do you think you are? Do you think that by getting hurt like this, you can wipe out the past?”
“No.” Gu Zhen clenched his fist, took a deep breath, and said, “Zhen didn’t think that. At that time, Zhen just thought you were still inside.”
Zhao Yiyi looked at him with a cold face, annoyed. “Duanduan had already come out. We were just one in the outer hall and one in the bedchamber; how could it be possible…”
Gu Zhen said, “Zhen didn’t dare to gamble.”
“No one saw you, and no one knew where you went.” His voice was tinged with hoarseness. When he spoke, it was as if he used all his strength, incredibly difficult. “Yiyi, Zhen didn’t dare to gamble on whether you were inside or not. If you really were trapped in the bedchamber, Zhen couldn’t bear it.”
Usually such an arrogant and cold man, yet in this moment, he was utterly defeated.
He couldn’t imagine it—if Yiyi really was still inside and he hadn’t gone in to find her, how despairing she would have been. The fire was so big, so hot; just a spark could burn a hole through clothes. If she were still there, how painful it would be.
Zhao Yiyi pursed her lips tightly, looking at him with red apricot eyes. She was still clutching that part of her skirt, her breathing erratic, forced into rapidity.
“Don’t be like this.” She suddenly felt terrible, the tip of her heart trembling along with her emotions, not daring to look at him. “Don’t be like this. You know clearly that I don’t love you anymore, so why do you make yourself like this?”
Gu Zhen opened his mouth. “But Zhen loves you.”
She choked with sobs. “Do you think that just because you became like this, I will love you?”
“But Zhen loves you; what does that have to do with whether you love Zhen or not?” A bitter smile hung on the corner of his lips. He reached out and gently wiped away the crystal tears spilling from the corners of her eyes. “Don’t cry. If you keep crying, Zhen’s heart will break along with you.”
His Yiyi was so good; she deserved everything in this world. He just wanted to treat her better.
“At that time, the smoke was thick, it was late at night, and everything was chaotic. Zhen couldn’t find you and could only go in on a desperate gamble.” Gu Zhen suddenly pulled her into his embrace, his voice hoarse. “Yiyi, even if we did it again, Zhen would still go in. Don’t cry, don’t cry.”
Feeling the tremors in his chest, Zhao Yiyi’s expression froze slightly, but she grabbed his arm firmly and asked, “Then why didn’t you say anything before? Even when I went to the Zichen Hall to see you, I never heard you mention it.” She paused, then added, “You clearly could have said it.”
Gu Zhen’s expression stiffened.
Yes, he clearly could have said it.
As long as he said it, given Yiyi’s gentleness and thoughtfulness, even if she didn’t love him, even if she didn’t forgive him immediately or walk out of the past grievances, her heart would inevitably soften.
She had always been like that.
Perhaps the two of them could have reconciled long ago, just like before.
Or perhaps Yiyi would at least be gentler to him, maybe even feel some guilt.
Gu Zhen paused for a moment, buried his head in the crook of her neck, smelling the faint fragrance on her body, and whispered, “But you wouldn’t love Zhen because of that. And Zhen doesn’t want you to choose to reconcile with Zhen out of guilt.”
Warm breath wound around her neck, some spilling onto the tips of her ears; the already sensitive area instantly turned red. A scorching sensation transmitted, making her shrink inward uncontrollably.
But she shrank right into his embrace.
“But we aren’t suitable to begin with.” Zhao Yiyi bit her lip, blinking her somewhat sore eyes. “Don’t treat me this well anymore. During the earthquake, you protected me at the pagoda, and you saved me from the fire. I can’t bear these things, and I have nothing to repay you with.”
Under the heavens, is there anything that is not the King’s land? Her family background wasn’t the best, showing signs of decline, and the power the Empress possessed all came from him.
Compared to Gu Zhen, she could be said to have nothing.
She couldn’t give him anything.
Stroking her silky raven hair, Gu Zhen smiled and whispered, “If we haven’t tried, how do we know if we’re suitable?”
Zhao Yiyi’s eyelashes drooped slightly, her hand unconsciously tightening on his clothes again. “It’s been three years. Whether we are suitable or not—isn’t it obvious?”
Married for three years, yet they ended up like this. The facts were right there; they couldn’t just ignore the past.
It had absolutely nothing to do with the word “suitable.”
A wave of sourness hit Gu Zhen’s heart. He held her with such force, as if trying to rub her into his very marrow. “That doesn’t count. Zhen did many things poorly in the past and never truly thought about how to live life together. That doesn’t count.”
“Yiyi, let’s start over. Let’s try one more time.” He uttered this sentence carefully, harboring incredibly anxious thoughts, not even daring to look at her expression. “We have been husband and wife for many years. We already have more familiarity and understanding than others. Could we really be as unsuitable as you say?”
Zhao Yiyi just sat there in a daze, silent for a long time.
It was already dusk. The sliver of setting sun gradually fell, and the room, which had been reasonably lit, suddenly darkened.
Layers of cold wrapped around her. Sensing a hand placed on the top of her head, she turned her head to avoid it and said stubbornly, “Don’t say these words to trick me.”
Gu Zhen was stunned, then laughed involuntarily. “When has Zhen ever tricked you?”
“Didn’t you trick me today? You clearly agreed not to go, but you went yourself, and you even brought so many people to Beimang.”
When holding a grudge, her memory was incredibly good.
Gu Zhen could be said to be out of options. He could only let her complain. As for Lu Xianshan, he dared not mention him even more.
Her pair of clear apricot eyes looked as if they had condensed water mist, her voice close to sobbing. “Don’t lie to me; I will really believe it.”
A smile floated in Gu Zhen’s eyes. He retreated slightly, gently pinched her earlobe, and said, “Then believe it.”
No matter what, how could he bear to lie to her?
The sun dipped to the west. At some point, several candles were lit in the room.
The scattered candlelight presented a warm, soft glow in the quiet night, flowing out from the gaps in the latticed window, flickering on and off, mingling with the moonlight pouring down from mid-air.
From the window’s shadow, one could vaguely see two figures close together, heads bowed, whispering incessantly, as if there were many words left unspoken.
Zhao Yiyi’s eye rims were red, and she was sobbing so much she was in a state. Gu Zhen had no way to continue what they were doing before. He took a handkerchief to wipe her tears, then carried her to the couch.
The quilt was warm and cozy. Zhao Yiyi was wrapped in this layer of warmth, yet she showed no sign of improvement. “We aren’t suitable to begin with; why do you say these things?”
Gu Zhen’s heart tightened. Unconsciously, he clasped her tightly in his arms and lowered his voice. “Isn’t it nice just like this, right now?”
Zhao Yiyi didn’t answer.
Outside, the wind gusted, growing louder at times; the violent crashing sounds almost seemed to lift the roof. That wind, blow after blow, struck right at the heart.
Gu Zhen gently stroked her hair, his gaze fixed on her apricot eyes, which were dewy and misty. His voice deepened. “Yiyi, try with Zhen, hmm?”
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