Chapter 105: Repaying for a Lifetime
Under the flickering candlelight, Gu Zhen had been looking down at a book. Hearing the sound of approaching footsteps, he set the book down, a smile instinctively touching his face. Just as he was about to rise and welcome her, the footsteps arrived with an aggressive momentum, and a lotus-colored figure appeared before him.
Caught off guard by her forceful push, Gu Zhen was pressed back against the chair. He couldn’t help but look up, laughing in amusement. “Who offended you now to make you this angry? How is Duanduan?”
Zhao Yiyi had been on a roll—from barging into the hall to pushing him and then questioning him. Now that she had stopped, the fatigue from her hurried walk caught up with her.
“She’s fine. She just needs a few more doses of ginger soup,” she panted slightly, her brows still knit. “I’m asking you—when did you have a fracture? Specifically, your ribs?”
The smile on Gu Zhen’s face faded slightly. He asked softly, “Did someone say something to you? It was sometime last year; I rested for a while, and it’s long since healed.”
He said he didn’t remember. But it had only been a year, and a major injury like a broken rib was not something someone would simply forget. Thinking of the entry in the pulse record and the physician’s words, Zhao Yiyi stared at him with displeasure, her voice heavy: “Was it April of last year?”
After a long silence, Gu Zhen finally nodded and replied, “Yes.”
Zhao Yiyi tried desperately to recall the events of April, but she couldn’t find any sign of him having a fracture. But then she thought of a rib injury—it was different from an arm or a leg. The two of them hadn’t had any intimacy for a long time back then, and she had never seen him without his clothes; it was indeed impossible to tell.
April… besides the earthquake and the solar eclipse, she couldn’t think of anything else.
A thought flashed through her mind. After a moment of hesitation, she looked down at Gu Zhen, only to catch him catching his eyes away. With his temperament, when had he ever acted like this?
Her heart trembled. Zhao Yiyi asked, “Was it during the earthquake?”
The hall suddenly grew quiet. With a slight breeze, the candles in the room flickered. In the intermittent light, his refined and handsome face was sometimes hidden in shadow and sometimes bathed in light.
The two remained in a standoff for a moment before Zhao Yiyi suddenly threw her hand out and turned to walk away. “If you won’t say it, fine. I’ll go ask someone else. The physician? Or Gu Qi? There’s bound to be someone who knows.”
She had only taken two steps when she was caught around the waist.
Gu Zhen had panicked for a moment, not even taking the time to think. He simply held her waist in a frantic embrace, as if wanting to embed her into his chest. “Yiyi, don’t go.”
Her forward steps paused. Zhao Yiyi didn’t look back; she simply said softly, “Then tell me yourself.”
Gu Zhen held her like that for a long time in silence before saying, “It was during the earthquake.” His voice was thick with a tremor, lowered slightly. “During the earthquake in the pagoda, I was hit by a falling candlestick from the staircase and broke a rib.”
Everything clicked into place. During the earthquake, she had been held firmly beneath him. The pagoda was already dim, and because of the eclipse, everything was pitch black. Precisely because she couldn’t see, her hearing had been exceptionally sharp. She had clearly heard something hit him. Immediately after came his suppressed groan.
By the end of that day, she didn’t even remember how she had returned. She only vaguely recalled the cries and shouts around her. When she regained her senses, she was already lying on the bed in Xiangsi Hall. Gu Zhen hadn’t come to see her, and for several days afterward, she hadn’t seen him at all.
Later, his face would look unpleasant from time to time, with large beads of sweat on his forehead, yet he only said it was nothing.
Zhao Yiyi felt a surge of anger rise in her heart. She suppressed her irritation and asked him, “Then why didn’t you say anything?”
“If you had said something…”
What if he had said something?
Zhao Yiyi’s voice came to a sudden halt. She blinked blankly, unable to imagine how the path between them would have gone if he had told her from the start.
“Yiyi.” Gu Zhen’s voice was raspy. He turned her around by her shoulders and said in a hoarse voice, “Zhen just didn’t want you to think I was using a debt of gratitude to get what I wanted.”
He spoke in a hushed tone, filled with caution and a posture that was humbled to the dust. Zhao Yiyi stood there dazed, her mouth open, but no sound came out. It was impossible to say how much time passed before she turned her face away and said softly, “If you don’t speak, how would you know what I would think?”
Gu Zhen said, “But Zhen didn’t dare to gamble.”
Zhao Yiyi suddenly couldn’t hold it back. Tears burst from her eyes, her eyes and nose turning red as she looked at him through misty eyes. Through that layer of tears, nothing was clear. The light was blurred, and his face was hazy.
She had once thought he had only risked his life for her once—when he rushed into the fire at Jiao Fang Palace. But today she learned that he had already risked his life to protect her so much earlier. He just hadn’t told her. He said he was afraid she would think he was calling in a favor.
How ridiculous.
A person who used to ignore her, cold-shoulder her, and even despise her, later risked his life for her. Even after nearly losing his life, he didn’t dare tell her.
“Don’t cry.” Gu Zhen used his raspy voice to wipe the tears from her cheeks, coaxing her softly. “It’s Zhen‘s fault. I failed to protect you well back then and let you suffer so much grievance. No matter how I try to make up for it now, it always feels like it’s not enough.”
No matter how much he did, he only felt he owed her; he only felt heartache. Yiyi was so good; it was he who had failed her first. He lowered his voice to coax her a few more times with extreme tenderness.
Being coaxed like this, Zhao Yiyi seemed to find a vent for her emotions. Her tears flowed even more fiercely. She wiped her eyes with her hand while sobbing out a few words. She spoke unclearly, and Gu Zhen couldn’t hear.
After letting her cry for a while, he asked softly, “What did Yiyi just say?”
With dazed, teary eyes, Zhao Yiyi sobbed, “I said it’s already enough.”
For a moment, Gu Zhen was stunned. He watched her tears flow more and more, yet he didn’t continue to wipe them. It wasn’t until the tears fell and rolled onto his fingertips that the burning sensation snapped him back to his senses, a trace of daze crossing his face.
“It’s already enough. What you’ve done… it was already…” Zhao Yiyi’s body was trembling, her voice intermittent, almost unable to speak a complete sentence. “What you owe me… is not that much.”
In the past, though her life was difficult, she was never in danger of losing her life. Her heartache then was because her efforts never received a response—her husband not only didn’t like her but even held hidden contempt.
But later, Gu Zhen almost gave up two lives for her. All those who had insulted or disrespected her had not escaped unscathed. Though he didn’t speak of the Xu family matter, she could guess he was behind it. The already thin relationship between him and the Empress Dowager was now on the verge of collapse. Even he himself had worn himself down into this state.
Zhao Yiyi knit her brows and pushed him hard, suppressing her sobs as she said, “Don’t be like this anymore. I don’t want to get used to these things, and I certainly don’t want the day to come where you get tired of it after I’ve grown accustomed.”
She had once felt tired and chose to escape and retreat when she saw no hope. Judging others by herself, she believed he would be the same.
Gu Zhen didn’t feel good. He could tell that on this matter, she had no sense of security. She was afraid. A bitter smile touched his lips as he pulled her gently into his arms and said in a low voice, “Zhen said I would spend a lifetime repaying you. Yiyi, when has Zhen ever spoken falsely?”
Zhao Yiyi blinked, her eyes feeling dry and stinging. she lowered her head and remained silent, her hands tightly clutching her skirt. The high-quality silk fabric was covered in dense wrinkles.
Gu Zhen sighed and lightly wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. He teased, “How can there be so many tears? It’s like they never stop.”
“What does my crying have to do with you?” Zhao Yiyi rubbed her eyes, trying to give him a fierce glare, but it lacked the intended effect. “I will cry.”
Her sobs were muffled, making one’s heart wrench, yet also feeling a bit amusing. He said in a low voice, “If you keep crying, your eyes will be swollen. Didn’t you want to go to the Sea Pond tomorrow? How can you see anyone like this? Don’t be angry with Zhen, hmm?”
Zhao Yiyi sobbed quietly, unable to stop. Gu Zhen felt a bit helpless and leaned down, picking her up in his arms. After walking into the bedchamber, he placed her on the bed and coaxed her for quite a while.
Zhao Yiyi held the headboard, her forehead resting against the back of her hand, biting her lip to keep from making a sound. In the end, she didn’t want her crying to be heard by others—even if that person was now willing to listen to her sobs and coax her.
After crying for a while, she went to the washroom to wash up. When she came out, her tears had stopped, but the corners of her eyes were still rimmed with red. It made one’s heart tighten at the sight.
Their eyes met, and Zhao Yiyi uncomfortably looked away, her voice clear and light: “Why are you still here?”
Gu Zhen was so annoyed by her that his liver ached. He couldn’t help but reach out and pinch her earlobe, saying through gritted teeth, “If Zhen leaves, who knows who will be sulking in secret later.”
She clearly had so many things on her mind, yet she put on a calm front. If they hadn’t been husband and wife for so long, he might have been fooled. He didn’t know someone could love sulking so much while pretending to be magnanimous.
Zhao Yiyi turned to avoid him and whispered, “What nonsense are you saying?”
“Zhen is saying nonsense?” Gu Zhen looked at her through gritted teeth but finally lost his steam and turned to walk out.
Seeing him leave, Zhao Yiyi sat down on the bed. Her damp black hair was spread over her shoulders. She wiped it casually with a towel and closed her eyes as sleepiness washed over her.
When Gu Zhen came out after bathing, he saw she was already fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he approached silently. Touching the damp ends of her hair, he frowned and took a towel to dry them for her.
There was movement beside her, and since she had just fallen asleep and wasn’t in a deep sleep yet, Zhao Yiyi happened to wake up then. She rubbed her eyes, a bit surprised. “You…”
Gu Zhen simply patted her back gently and said warmly, “Go to sleep.”
Waking up was only for a moment; her eyelids were drooping, and she couldn’t keep them open or say anything more. She fell back asleep, her cheeks flushed with a beautiful glow. Only when she was asleep could she be this obedient.
Gu Zhen wiped her damp hair while looking down at her, only to hear her murmur a few words. He couldn’t hear clearly from far away, so he leaned in closer. He heard her say: “You said yourself you would repay me.”
He smiled and said, “Yes, Zhen will repay you.”
Unconsciously, the corners of his mouth turned up.
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