Chapter 53: Leaving Luoyang part 1
Under the dawn light, her eyes held a soft, warm smile.
Even the pear-blossom dimples on her cheeks were infinitely gentle, enough to spawn endless romantic thoughts in anyone who caught a glimpse.
She seemed no different from before.
Yet, Gu Zhen could see a firm determination on her face, beautiful as the moonlight.
He understood in his heart that Yiyi was set on going; there would be no turning back.
“Then go,” Gu Zhen forced the corners of his lips upward, squeezing out a faint smile. “Come back early. When you return, We will take you to Yuqing Temple to admire the ginkgo trees, to Longmen to gaze at the autumn scenery of the mountains and rivers. Last time at the Silkworm Altar, We said We would take you back by boat along the Luo River, but that wish remains unfulfilled. This year, on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival, We will take you boating on the Luo River.”
Zhao Yiyi was stunned.
These were all things she had once mentioned to him.
The light and shadows before her eyes shifted, and her mind felt dazed and groggy. She stared at him blankly, falling silent for a time.
“Yiyi.”
When she didn’t answer, Gu Zhen panic grew. His voice trembled slightly as he called her name. He even tried to lower his posture to coax her.
“In the two years since our marriage, there have been so many matters to attend to. We have never taken you out for an excursion like an ordinary couple,” Gu Zhen smiled, though it was a bitter smile. Raising his eyes to look at Zhao Yiyi, he softened his tone, trying to learn how to coax someone. “In the future, wherever you want to go, whatever places you like, We will take you there, alright?”
Zhao Yiyi’s gaze was soft and graceful. Withdrawing her gaze from the treetops outside the window, it landed lightly on him.
After a long while, she suddenly let out a laugh.
There was a hint of coolness in that laugh, her voice light and soft. “Actually, this concubine has already enjoyed these places long ago. The autumn scenery of Longmen, the willows along the Luo River… this concubine has been in Luoyang for several years; how could I not have seen them? How could I not have gone?”
“That year, the lights of the Shangyuan Festival were brilliant. The palace was filled with lanterns, hanging high one by one, making the night seem like day.” Zhao Yiyi tilted her head slightly, as if piercing through the clouds to see the Shangyuan Festival of that year, watching the countless Kongming lanterns released by the palace servants above the Ziwei Palace. “On the night of the Shangyuan Lantern Festival, whether in the court or among the common folk, couples always go out together. When this concubine was young and yearning for love, I also wondered what it would be like to roam the festival with my beloved. That evening, watching the lights starting to kindle outside, when I eagerly asked Bixia, I was hoping to tour the Shangyuan festivities with Bixia like an ordinary couple.”
“That night, the lights were woven like a tapestry. This concubine sat in the Qingyue Tower, with its brocade-covered floors and beams adorned with gold and jade. Watching the people around me exchanging cups and toasts, listening to the silky sounds of wind and string instruments, my heart held not a shred of joy. That hall was so tall and wide, the surroundings so lively, yet this concubine felt only loneliness.”
Waves of warm breeze passed through the courtyard. Gu Zhen’s phoenix eyes were fixed on her, as if breaking through the long years to see that night in Chongren Hall. She had harbored so much longing, so much hope, her eyes twinkling with starlight as she asked in a low voice: “Today is Shangyuan; many people will go into the city to admire the lanterns. Would Your Highness go with this concubine?”
The scent of chenyu incense curled in the air, the lights flickering dimly. Gu Zhen’s mind moved slightly, and he unconsciously wanted to answer “Yes.”
In a flash, he was pulled back to reality.
Meeting her apricot eyes, soft as spring water, his hand dropped powerlessly. All strength instantly drained from his body, and at a glance, he seemed vaguely decadent.
“It was Us who were not good…” After a long time, he responded in a low voice. “It is all Our fault.”
“Bixia,” Zhao Yiyi’s eyes smiled. She discovered with surprise that speaking of these things now, listening to these words, her heart only rippled slightly; the surging waves of the past were gone. “Those are all things of the past.”
“The reason this concubine speaks of these things today is only to tell Bixia that the past has passed. This concubine has let it go. In all matters, one should look forward.”
A boom exploded in his mind. Gu Zhen dug his nails into his palms, his handsome face tense. He wanted to tell her that now, he was already deeply ensnared. He had fallen deeper and deeper without realizing it, and he could no longer walk out.
How did it come to this?
He discovered he had fallen in love with Yiyi only when she had decided to let go, when she no longer liked him.
Gu Zhen had always thought the conflict between them was because he had dismissed both Zhao Weimin and Zhao Yuan from office. That night she pleaded for them, he had sternly reprimanded her, and from then on, her heart had died.
For the first time in over twenty years, he regretted his past decision. He, who had always been calm and self-possessed, never changing himself for external things, actually began to consider whether to restore Zhao Weimin and the others to their original posts to put her at ease.
He thought that way, his Yiyi could return.
A pure white petal drifted by Gu Zhen’s hand. He lowered his head to look at it and couldn’t help but laugh mockingly at himself.
How arrogant he was to think it was only because of those things.
Only today did he know that the cause of their current state had been planted at the very beginning. It had been slowly pruned and watered, growing into lush branches and leaves.
It wasn’t a sudden event, but the accumulation of countless small matters over the years, forming a vast ocean that eventually turned back to drown him.
So, there were so many things.
The stinging pain from his palm sobered Gu Zhen slightly. He had foolishly thought to settle the past accounts one by one, to compensate bit by bit—but could he even calculate them clearly?
I fear he couldn’t even remember what those matters were.
He simply didn’t know which inadvertent actions, due to his subconscious neglect and indifference, had left another scar on her heart.
“Look how fine the spring light is, Bixia,” Zhao Yiyi’s voice, blown by the wind, carried an ethereal quality. “Why dwell on these things?”
Gu Zhen didn’t know how he walked out of Jiao Fang Palace.
After coming out, as the imperial carriage traveled along the Cross Street, he felt only coldness in his fingertips, unable to even feel the beating of his heart.
The chirping of birds outside, the rustling of wind through the bamboo forest—none of it had anything to do with him anymore.
After a long while, he covered his face and laughed slowly, a laugh filled with unspeakable sorrow.
He had thought wrong.
In this world, how could there be sadness without cause, or resolve without reason?
How could one matter be enough?
It was just piece after piece piling up until she could finally bear it no more and was thoroughly hurt. If he had treated her better back then, just a little better, perhaps the matter of Zhao Weimin and the others would have only left a slight mark, not causing a complete estrangement that led to such distance.
“Wu Mao.”
“Bixia, this servant is here.” Wu Mao hurriedly responded.
Gu Zhen rubbed his temples and said indifferently, “Send some people to the Western Capital. Clean up Shangyang Palace first; no one has lived there for a long time, so it is inevitably messy.” He tried hard to recall, then whispered, “The Empress does not like the heat in summer. Xiangsi Hall is by the Dragon Pool, cool and suitable. Clean up the surrounding halls as well, in case she decides on a whim to change places.”
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