Chapter 61: Seeming Harmony, Actual Estrangement â Didn’t Ge say he wasn’t close to him? Why did he chase you here…
The clothes were delivered quickly. Jiang Yan untied his apron, washed his hands methodically, and walked to the bedside. He patted the lump under the quilt that was curled up tightly, facing away from him.
Jiang Yunian flinched as he approached but didn’t move, using clumsy acting to shut him out. Jiang Yan wasn’t in a rush; he gently pressed down on Jiang Yunianâs thin shoulder, then slowly but firmly fished the person out of the covers and settled him onto his lap.
Jiang Yunian naturally hadn’t been sleeping; with Jiang Yan there, he couldn’t sleep peacefully anyway. Having maintained one posture for too long, half of his cheek was pressed red, and a few stray strands of hair stuck messily to his temple, adding a touch of artless innocence to his look. Jiang Yan rubbed his cheek with pity, lingering for a moment, before picking up a soft, home-style sweatshirt. He rolled up the sleeves and put it on him, one arm at a time. Then, he leaned down, kneeling on one knee to hold Jiang Yunianâs pale, slender ankle, pulling the pant leg up bit by bit.
In the quiet space, neither spoke. They went through the motions in silence. Like leading a child, Jiang Yan took him to the dining table and settled him down. It was already noon; having had an empty stomach since last night, he needed to eat something bland to pad his stomach first.
Jiang Yan filled a bowl with warm porridge. He scooped up a spoonful, blew on it gently, and brought it to Jiang Yunianâs lips. Jiang Yunian turned his head to avoid it, his lips pursed into a straight line.
Jiang Yan lifted his eyelids and looked at him calmly.
There was clearly no obvious emotion in those eyes, yet they carried an invisible oppression that made the other person instinctively fearful. Since the very beginning, Jiang Yunian had always been afraid of this look; it was almost carved into his bones.
His eyelashes trembled. He lowered his eyes and finally admitted defeat, murmuring that he wasn’t hungry. The next second, his stomach let out a protestâGurgle.
“…”
Embarrassment spread through the silent standoff.
The corners of Jiang Yanâs mouth hooked up slightly, the spoon remaining steady in its original spot. Jiang Yunianâs face heated up, realizing this power struggle was quite childish. “I’ll do it myself.”
Jiang Yan handed him the spoon. He barely ate a few bites himself, staring at Jiang Yunian almost the entire time, supervising him like usual. The difference was that in the past, Jiang Yunian had the right to be willful; now, he was just following procedure. If he ate too slowly or too little, he would be reminded to eat more. After being prompted several times, Jiang Yunianâs stomach was stuffed full, yet Jiang Yan still told him to eat more. Finally, this human-shaped puppet awakened a human consciousness. Pressing his slightly bulging belly, he pushed the bowl directly to the center of the table.
This action, displaying his resentment, didn’t cause the other party any displeasure; rather, he had been waiting for this moment. Jiang Yan rubbed his stomach for him, then picked him up and settled him on the sofa. He placed a thin blanket over his legs and turned on the TV. Jiang Yan then turned to clear the table and wash the dishes, no different from countless ordinary days in the past.
Jiang Yunian nestled in the corner of the sofa, but his gaze involuntarily followed the busy figure in the kitchen. The lights softened his sharp edges; the lines of his profile appeared somewhat gentle, and he looked exceptionally focused with his eyes lowered, exuding a domestic aura.
No wonder he had been deceived by this appearance in the beginning.
No one could have distinguished the real from the fake.
Seeming to sense the gaze, Jiang Yan suddenly turned his head. Jiang Yunianâs heart skipped a beat, and he hurriedly looked away, pretending to watch TV, though the screen was currently playing a noisy commercial. Jiang Yan lingered on his stiff back for a moment, methodically dried his hands, and walked over. As soon as he approached, the surrounding air seemed to stagnate; the tensing of Jiang Yunianâs body had become a physiological reaction. But Jiang Yan simply pulled him onto his lap, encircled him with both arms, rested his chin lightly on his shoulder socket, and watched TV with him.
The channel was changed. It was an idol drama Jiang Yan occasionally watched. At that moment, a scene of intense confrontation between the male and female leads was playing, with the heroine tearfully questioning the hero why he lied. Jiang Yan remained expressionless. With a flick of his finger, he changed the channel directly to a science and education program narrating the living habits of Siberian tigers. He leaned against Jiang Yunianâs ear, explaining the tiger’s ferocity and drive as if sharing interesting trivia. His low voice was very pleasant to hear, but Jiang Yunian didn’t absorb a single word, feeling that the man beside him had no heart.
He even felt that the majestic tiger on TV understood what sincerity was better than the person beside him.
Now, even Animal World went to commercial break. Jiang Yan couldn’t find a new topic for a moment, and Jiang Yunian was stingy with his responses.
“Does Ge plan to ignore me forever?” The chin on his shoulder rubbed affectionately, and the arms tightened, revealing a trace of grievance. “Before, Ge wouldn’t ignore me for this long.”
Jiang Yunianâs heart twitched slightly. Yes, not only would I not ignore you, but I would also always worry if Jiang Yan was bored home alone. Every time I worked late at a part-time job, I would examine myself to see if I was neglecting Jiang Yan and want to spend more time with him. Would the self who cared so much about Jiang Yan back then ever have thought that one day they would have nothing to say to each other?
Jiang Yunian really didn’t want to admit that he had fallen into a failed romance. Once, he thought he was the happiest person in the worldâhe had a home, love, a few good friends, and a smooth path ahead. He thought this ordinary yet precious happiness could continue forever. But all of this was smashed to pieces by Jiang Yan’s own hands. How powerless.
Jiang Yunian pushed him away in silence, got up, and walked toward the bathroom. He needed a little space, a chance to breathe.
Jiang Yan was no less sensitive than him. He followed eagerly, like an abandoned puppy becoming abnormal and irrational. The moment Jiang Yunian tried to close the door, he blocked the gap, and the door panel slammed heavily onto his hand.
Jiang Yunian was terrified. Seeing a red mark quickly rising on the skin, he cupped the hand almost instinctively, his voice changing pitch. “You… you did that on purpose.”
“Yes, I did it on purpose,” Jiang Yan pulled at the corner of his mouth, his eyes dark. “Otherwise, how would Ge feel sorry for me?”
Jiang Yunian looked at him like he was a monster, unable to understand this self-harming logic. He let go of the hand, forcing himself to harden his heart and not fall into the trap. But Jiang Yan held onto him instead. Seeing the worry that uncontrollably leaked out on this face written with rejection, he didn’t feel the pain anymore.
“Ge is finally willing to talk to me.”
Jiang Yunian wanted to pull his hand back, but it was futile. Jiang Yan stepped closer, looking at him pleadingly. “Didn’t Ge say I was your most important person? Didn’t you say… you would forgive me?”
Jiang Yunian was forced to meet his gaze. Facing this face that was identical to the one in his memories, he realized only now that this was the real him. He would use unscrupulous means, play the victim, and use Jiang Yunian’s own soft spots to threaten him.
He had said those words, but they were said to “Ah Yan,” not this demon before him who would stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
“I know Ge is just angry with me.” Jiang Yan coaxed him, hugged him, and brought Jiang Yunian’s hand to his own face, his tone even carrying a trace of strange excitement. “If Ge isn’t relieved, hit me, okay? Come on, hit right here, hit harder…”
This was simply madness. Jiang Yunian couldn’t bear it anymore and pushed him away. “Enough! Besides this, is there anything else you know how to do?”
Jiang Yanâs eyes darkened. “I just want Ge to cool down.”
If he really didn’t want me angry, he wouldn’t have done those things.
Jiang Yunian only felt hypocrisy. “You just want to coax me. You simply don’t know… don’t know that what you did was wrong.”
Jiang Yan fell silent.
He wasn’t wrong.
Based on his understanding of Jiang Yunian, his Ge had soft ears and an even softer heart. As long as he acted coquettishly, played pitiful, and shed a few tears, he could easily coax him into agreeing to any request. Sometimes, when bullied too hard, his Ge couldn’t bear to say harsh words to him; he only dared to glare at him softly with red-rimmed, wet eyes. Not only did it fail to deter him, but it also aroused the malicious factors in his body, inviting even more excessive “bullying” until he couldn’t take it anymore and started crying and begging for mercy, begging to be let go. Afterward, the belated regret and sulking would come, but he never rejected Jiang Yan’s comfort, throwing the grievance to the back of his mind in the blink of an eye.
He loved this appearance of his Ge to deathâso obedient and soft, hooking his soul away. He just wanted to crush him and melt him completely into his own bones and blood, making him belong to him completely, body and soul, unable to live without him.
But he was also afraidâafraid that if he went too far, his Ge wouldn’t let him touch him anymore. He could only suppress those darker thoughts in his heart, slowly learning to restrain himself and show respect like a normal person. It was a pity that before he truly learned how, reality beat him back to his original form.
Truly ridiculous in the extreme.
In the past, what he hated most was that man who acted arbitrarily, forced his mother into marriage, and drove her mad by locking her up. But now, he had become that kind of person too. How ironic; indeed, the same blood flowed in his veins. But deep down, he rejected it, rejected being lumped together with him. He stubbornly believed he was different from that man. His mother had never loved that man, but his Ge was different. His Ge loved him so much and couldn’t leave him, so how could it be the same?
Jiang Yan was certain that his Ge was just acting out of spite, being awkward. He had lied to him, so it was natural he couldn’t accept it immediately. His heart was so soft; it wouldn’t take long for him to forgive him. And before that, he should let him make a fuss, let him vent the grievance and anger in his heart.
The final result remained unresolved. Jiang Yan stayed with him for a while before he had to leave to handle some matters. Before leaving, he brought Jiang Yunianâs backpack over. Inside were textbooks, and he had carefully prepared a brand-new game console. He instructed him: “When you’re bored, you can read books or play with this. I’ll come over tonight to accompany you.”
He hoped that when he wasn’t there, his Ge could look at these things, think of him, and have a little less resentment towards him.
Once Jiang Yan left, the world became quiet again. Jiang Yunian sat alone for a while. He had no mind to read, nor could he muster interest in the game console. He walked to the door, unwilling to give up, and studied the smart lock, trying every method he could think of, all failing. Finally, flustered and exasperated, he pounded on the door and shouted, “Is anyone there? Open the door!”
The only response was silence.
Tired of shouting, he rubbed his reddened wrist, feeling anxious, hoping it wouldn’t swell. If Jiang Yan found out, it would be even harder for him to leave.
Finally, he sat dejectedly back at the desk, forcing himself to open a textbook and read. He was someone with strong adaptability; he couldn’t let himself indulge in despair. Before that, he got up and turned off the air conditioning. First, he was afraid of wasting electricity money he couldn’t afford; second, he felt that being a bit colder might keep his chaotic mind clear.
Unknown how much time passed, the sky gradually darkened, and the city lights began to shine outside the window. Jiang Yunian ultimately couldn’t withstand the fatigue and fell asleep slumped over the table. The smart lock made a soft sound. Jiang Yan pushed the door open and felt the cold air, knowing immediately that his Ge must have turned off the heat for fear of wasting money.
Angry like this, yet still thinking of saving money for me. Truly a hard mouth but a soft heart. Facing this peaceful sleeping face, Jiang Yanâs expression softened. He touched his faceâit was a bit coldâthen gently carried him to the bed.
Half-dreaming, half-awake, Jiang Yunian vaguely heard Jiang Yanâs deliberately lowered voice, seemingly on a phone call.
“Mn, the flu, it’s a bit serious.”
“Needs to rest for a few more days.”
“Okay, I’ll pass it on.”
A girl’s voice came faintly from the other end. Jiang Yunian jolted and climbed up.
Jiang Yan hung up the phone and turned around. “Awake?”
“Was that Hao Meng? was she looking for me?”
Jiang Yan didn’t deny it, telling him to eat first. This evasive attitude made Jiang Yunianâs heart sink. After dinner, he didn’t want to watch TV, let alone face Jiang Yan, so he washed up early, climbed into bed, and turned his back to him.
The mattress behind him sank slightly. Jiang Yunianâs body tensed instantly, suddenly regretting going to bed so early, afraid of what he might do.
Sure enough, as soon as Jiang Yanâs hand touched his shoulder, Jiang Yunian shrunk into a ball in fright. Jiang Yan laughed involuntarily, fished him out, and pulled him into his arms. “Ge is unwilling, so I won’t do anything.”
Jiang Yunian was forced to press against his familiar chest, listening to that steady heartbeat, yet unable to resonate with it.
He wouldn’t believe a single word he said. He knew from deep experience how heavy Jiang Yanâs desires were and how insatiable he was when demanding. But right now, since Jiang Yan promised not to touch him for the time being, he could only stiffly let him hold him, curling up and pretending to sleep, listening to him whisper words of love in his ear, then forcing himself to keep his eyes tightly shut.
It was like this for several days in a row. Jiang Yunian slept and woke in his arms, listening to that “love” repeated countless times, as if saying it enough would whitewash the peace and make him accept all this with peace of mind.
Jiang Yan indeed did as he said and didn’t force him. But his patience was ultimately limited.
This afternoon, Jiang Yunian sat blankly in front of the huge floor-to-ceiling window, gazing emptily at the steel forest he had looked at countless times outside. Occasionally, he could see one or two birds skimming through the clouds, bringing a fleeting trace of life. But today, there was only a gloomy sky raining incessantly, shrouding the whole world in a gray, wet chill.
He stared in a trance, not even noticing someone approaching.
Jiang Yan stood behind him, his chest heaving slightly, his brow deep and heavy, as if suppressing something.
It took quite a while for Jiang Yunian to see him in the reflection of the glass window, then he looked away indifferently.
“I just went back home for a bit,” Jiang Yan spoke. “Do you know who I saw?”
“…”
Jiang Yan leaned close to him, scrutinizing that numb face through the glass window, his voice carrying a dangerous aura. “It was Lu Yuanbai.”
Jiang Yunianâs expression finally showed obvious loosening. Meeting the blurry vision before him, his lips moved.
Jiang Yanâs eyes went cold. “Auntie Wang said he came by several times, asking about your whereabouts.”
Not only that, but his Geâs phone received calls and disgusting text messages from Lu Yuanbai every day. naturally, he wouldn’t tell him these things. He could have turned a blind eye, but this time, Lu Yuanbai actually came directly to him. The provocation in his eyes and the undisguised coveting of his Ge thoroughly ignited his anger.
“Didn’t Ge say you weren’t close to him? Why did he chase you all the way home?”
Jiang Yanâs hand rested on Jiang Yunianâs shoulder, applying slight pressure. “Tell me, should I remind him… if it’s not his, he shouldn’t indulge in wishful thinking.”
Jiang Yunianâs shoulders trembled violently. Touching the displeasure on his face, he shamefully sprouted timidity again and turned around obediently.
Author’s Note: Tonight, Huajiasa is here, wild winds bombing chaotically, whew~
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