Chapter 68: Pleading — Don’t leave me, don’t find someone else, I will go crazy
Jiang Yunian panicked under his suddenly changed mask. He subconsciously retreated half a step. His injured foot couldn’t react in time; his body tilted, nearly falling.
Immediately, his waist tightened.
A long, powerful arm steadily supported him, pulling him into an embrace, but didn’t release him immediately. Jiang Yunian faced a solid chest, trapped in his arms, forced to maintain this awkward posture. Jiang Yan lowered his head, his breath almost brushing Jiang Yunian’s forehead hair, quietly looking down at him. Jiang Yunian lowered his eyelashes, staring at by that burning gaze, daring not look up, his body trembling slightly.
Silence spread between the two, hiding a premonition of something about to erupt.
Suddenly, Jiang Yan’s hand on his waist exerted force, easily picking him up horizontally. Startled, Jiang Yunian grabbed his shoulder. Holding him, Jiang Yan walked steadily into the bedroom and carefully placed him on the edge of the bed.
Then, Jiang Yan bent his knee and squatted down, reaching out to hold the injured foot.
Jiang Yunian shrank his leg, a trace of resistance flashing across his face.
Jiang Yan’s hand, grasping empty air, paused. He lifted his eyelids, glancing at him.
That look was very faint, missing a few degrees of feigned gentleness. Jiang Yunian pursed his lips tightly, daring not move again.
Only then did Jiang Yan lower his head, carefully holding up his ankle. The bandage was loose, the edges stained with medicine, looking somewhat sloppy.
“Time to change the dressing.” He gently put down his foot, turned and walked out of the bedroom. Not long after, he brought the plastic bag containing medicine from the living room.
Watching his familiar manner, suspicion rose in Jiang Yunian’s heart—how did he know where the medicine was?
For no reason, he thought of those blurry yet real kisses again, feeling his previous judgment might be wrong…
Perhaps it wasn’t a dream, and the person kissing him wasn’t the Senior, but…
It was indeed something he could do.
Jiang Yan squatted down again, skillfully removing the old bandage. Dipping a cotton swab in medicine, he wiped the red and swollen skin bit by bit. His movements were very light, possessing a meticulousness completely inconsistent with the solemnity on his face at this moment. After changing the dressing and re-bandaging properly, he stood up to pour a glass of warm water, took out the anti-inflammatory pills prescribed by the doctor, and handed them to Jiang Yunian’s lips, wanting to feed him.
Jiang Yunian turned his head to avoid it again. This time he was smarter, trying not to look at Jiang Yan’s face, his voice carrying deliberate alienation: “I can do it myself… You leave.”
Jiang Yan’s hand holding the water cup and pills stopped in mid-air. He looked at him for a while, not moving.
The two remained in a silent stalemate.
Perhaps Lu Yuanbai’s appearance had rung an alarm bell; Jiang Yan’s attitude was unusually tough. He spoke: “Before Ge’s injury heals, I won’t leave.”
Jiang Yunian frowned, his look accusing his shamelessness, yet helpless.
Seeing him about to get angry, the cold lines on Jiang Yan’s face softened slightly, even revealing a rare humbleness. He tried to take the other’s hand, his voice lowering: “Didn’t Ge say just now, no matter what… I am your brother? Brother taking care of brother, isn’t it only right?”
“You…” Jiang Yunian was choked by his words, somewhat angry from embarrassment. After hurting him like that, how could he step into his life so naturally?
“I don’t need it.” He struggled to pull his hand away, trembling with anger. “Get out…”
“Ge…” Jiang Yan gripped his hand tight, refusing to let go. His tone softened, revealing a bit of pitifulness. “Except for here, I have nowhere to go… Do you really have the heart to drive me out?”
How could Jiang Yunian be deceived by him so easily? When he locked him up at Heaven on Earth, he never considered this issue.
Jiang Yan evidently thought of that unbearable past too. His eyes darkened, and he explained in a low voice: “Zhou Shu’s place… he isn’t my brother. How can I keep mooching off him?”
So he was set on mooching off him?
Jiang Yunian never thought in his life that the person he saved out of momentary soft-heartedness would have the face to pester him after returning kindness with enmity. He really wanted to grab Jiang Yan’s collar and ask if he had a heart? Why did he think that after doing those things, he would accept him without any grudge? He admitted he couldn’t be that magnanimous.
The silent resistance caused cracks in Jiang Yan’s maintained mask. Especially with Lu Yuanbai eyeing his Ge covetously, that blatant snatching posture, and the trust his Ge showed Lu Yuanbai—it all made him feel unprecedented panic. He absolutely would not allow his things to be snatched away, absolutely impossible!
He looked up, his posture very low. “It was my fault before, I was a bastard, too selfish… But it was all because I loved Ge too much.”
“Ge told me you liked girls, I endured it. But even men are coming to snatch you from me… How could I give Ge to someone else?”
He held his hand tightly, almost begging: “I already know I was wrong. Give me another chance, okay? I will learn, learn to love Ge properly in a normal way. Don’t dump me, don’t find someone else… I will go crazy.”
Jiang Yunian listened quietly, feeling the trembling in his words and the sincerity in his eyes. To say his heart wasn’t touched would be a lie. Those shared memories, the warmth once truly felt, weren’t fake. But… he couldn’t. He couldn’t retrieve the initial purity of love from a past filled with deception and illusions. He couldn’t even be sure if Jiang Yan’s repentance at this moment was another carefully choreographed act, betting on his soft-heartedness.
He sorrowfully discovered that the trust between two once-intimate people could be so fragile as to withstand a single blow. Even if he believed Jiang Yan’s repentance was real, that he really loved him and would really change, so what? Should he pretend nothing happened and magnanimously forgive everything?
What kind of person would he be then?
Even now, he would often wake from nightmares. In the dream was himself imprisoned in a golden cage, waiting day after day, like a puppet without a soul, and that night he waited until breakdown yet Jiang Yan never appeared. He told himself he couldn’t repeat the same mistake; he would lose everything, and he couldn’t afford to lose.
Jiang Yunian sniffled his slightly sore nose, hardened his heart, and forcefully pulled his hand back, trying his best to keep his voice steady: “I said… get out.”
Jiang Yan’s heart seemed ruthlessly pierced by this sentence. A sense of powerlessness that couldn’t be retrieved no matter how hard he tried swept over him.
“What do I have to do?” He asked stubbornly, low into the dust. “Ge, what do you want me to do? As long as you say it, I agree to everything, just don’t drive me away…”
Jiang Yunian closed his eyes, not wanting to look at his face written with pain, afraid he would soften. “Do you want me to say it again?”
Jiang Yan’s fingers tightened abruptly. He stared at Jiang Yunian, his dark eyes revealing paranoia, seeming to say: What if I don’t leave?
Jiang Yunian looked at his implicitly threatening expression, his heart trembling, then strangely calming down. He lifted his eyes, his gaze landing clearly on his face. “Or do you want to lock me up again?”
Jiang Yan’s face turned unsightly instantly. That incident had become a stain on their love, neither willing to mention it easily, yet it was a bloody fact. His Ge shattered his forced toughness with one sentence.
“I won’t hurt Ge again.” He spoke with difficulty, looking into Jiang Yunian’s eyes with unusual firmness, promising word by word, “I mean what I say.”
“…”
Looking at his Ge’s face turned away, refusing to look at him, written with resistance, his heart felt like it was grabbed, painful and itchy, with no solution.
After a long stalemate, he finally released his clenched fist, accepting defeat. “Okay… I’ll go.”
He stood up, but his gaze remained firmly locked on Jiang Yunian. “But I won’t give up, and I certainly won’t give Ge… to anyone.”
“…” Jiang Yunian tried his best to maintain superficial indifference, his nails digging deep into his palm. Just as Jiang Yan turned around, preparing to leave the bedroom, he suddenly spoke.
“Wait.”
Jiang Yan’s steps paused. He looked back almost immediately, a weak light instantly igniting in his eyes, carrying careful expectation.
However, the other’s next sentence shattered the hope he had just raised.
“Leave the key.”
The light in Jiang Yan’s eyes extinguished instantly, replaced by heavy disappointment. He hadn’t expected his Ge to be so decisive. He slowly reached for the key in his pocket, struggled internally for a moment, then simply let go.
“No.” He refused flatly, pointedly saying: “If I give it to Ge, Ge will give it to someone else. Better keep it with me.”
Jiang Yunian looked up, blushing with anger at his twisted logic. “You… bastard.”
Jiang Yan seemed not to hear his curse. Instead, because he was willing to talk to him again, the loss in his heart lessened a few degrees. He took a deep look at Jiang Yunian, as if to carve his appearance into his heart, then turned and strode out of the bedroom.
With the soft sound of the front door closing, the world returned to tranquility.
Jiang Yunian sat alone on the edge of the bed, listening to the footsteps disappear in the stairwell. His body, tense all along, finally relaxed slowly. However, his heart couldn’t calm down for a long time because of Jiang Yan’s appearance. A deep sense of powerlessness drowned him; he just felt tired, very tired.
Despite this, this fatigue didn’t diminish his enthusiasm for life. He still got up early the next day, dragging his injured foot to class. He had fallen behind on too much schoolwork and couldn’t waste time.
Although Zhang Hao’s kick didn’t break bones, it was enough to make him limp for a while, but walking was manageable.
And Lu Yuanbai saying he would pursue him wasn’t just talk. He automatically took on the responsibility of caring for the patient, visiting him whenever he was free, eating with him at the cafeteria, helping him carry books and fetch food… sending messages no matter how busy, reminding him to take medicine on time and rest. He even specially bought him a lightweight cane to facilitate his movement around campus.
He always took care of people properly and thoroughly, maintaining a comfortable distance just right, making it hard for Jiang Yunian to find a suitable reason to refuse.
Jiang Yunian watched Lu Yuanbai busy himself for him, the guilt in his heart growing heavier. He couldn’t help thinking, the Senior helped him so much, when could he pay it off? Lu Yuanbai half-jokingly said just pay yourself to me, Jiang Yunian smiled awkwardly, lowered his head, and didn’t answer.
Lu Yuanbai watched his dodging appearance, his heart sinking slightly, but only for a moment. He knew very well that chasing someone wasn’t that easy and was prepared. He raised his hand to adjust the striped hat Jiang Yunian had given him before, then touched his own empty neck, naturally changing the subject: “How about this, I’m still missing a scarf.”
He looked at Jiang Yunian with smiling eyes. “Don’t know… if I have the honor?”
Just a scarf? Jiang Yunian thought, if the Senior wanted one, he could give as many as he wanted.
Lu Yuanbai looked at his innocent eyes, smiling somewhat subtly, which made Jiang Yunian intuitively feel it wasn’t that simple. Immediately after, he heard Lu Yuanbai say in a slightly nostalgic tone: “When I was young, my mother would also knit scarves for me. Later she got busier with work, rarely even meeting. Wanting a scarf knitted specially for me… is probably difficult now.”
Jiang Yunian heard the meaning in his words and hesitated for a while. Since he owed a favor, naturally he had to repay it with heart. Although somewhat embarrassed, he agreed.
“There will be.” He added, “Just… knitting might be a bit slow.”
A smile surfaced in Lu Yuanbai’s eyes, rippling like spring breeze over a lake. He looked at Jiang Yunian pointedly, his voice gentle and certain: “No rush. The heart in knitting it by hand—being slower makes it precious.”
“Coincidentally,” he paused slightly, his gaze deep, “what I’m best at is waiting.”
Author’s Note: National Day is coming soon, happy [Lop-eared Rabbit Head]
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