Chapter 81: You Expect Me to Still Like and Worry About You?
“Was that the Supreme Leader?” At the dining table, Grandma asked Ye Zhile.
Ye Zhile nodded. “Mm.”
Grandma and Grandpa exchanged a look and sighed without speaking.
Ye Zhile returned to his room. Just as he was about to draw the curtains, he caught sight of a tall figure under the streetlight. As if feeling his gaze, the man looked back. Ye Zhile suddenly snapped the curtains shut.
His heart felt a dense, aching sourness. Ye Zhile took several deep breaths, turned off the light in his room, and lay down.
In the middle of the night, he climbed out of bed to see if the person had left, then felt he was being fanciful. It was the middle of the night; surely that person wouldn’t stay down there the whole time…
As it turned out, when Ye Zhile looked, the man was indeed still standing under the streetlight, and he once again looked up and returned the gaze when Ye Zhile opened the curtain.
“…” Ye Zhile pulled the curtain shut again, but this time he didn’t lie back down. He went downstairs.
Grandma, Grandpa, and Dudu were all asleep. Ye Zhile tiptoed downstairs, crossed the front yard, and opened the gate.
He walked over, and Ji Shuohan also walked toward him.
“What are you doing?” Ye Zhile looked up, his tone unfriendly. It was then that he saw Ji Shuohan had a bruise on his cheekbone. He said, “Did you come here to play the victim?”
“No,” Ji Shuohan said softly.
“Then why did you come here?” Ye Zhile spoke quite sharply, but he couldn’t manage to speak calmly to Ji Shuohan.
“I don’t know,” Ji Shuohan said. Since Ye Zhile left, the Leader’s Estate had been too quiet—so quiet it was terrifying. Ji Shuohan didn’t know what was wrong with him; everything at home made him uneasy. He only thought of escaping and had spent the last few days working at the Leader’s Department.
Consequently, he kept spacing out during meetings, his head filled with thoughts of Ye Zhile. He felt like he was possessed, and thus he had ended up finding his way here in a muddle.
Looking at him now, it seemed seeing Ye Zhile made things a bit better. Ji Shuohan breathed a sigh of relief. “Ye Zhile…”
“Ji Shuohan,” Ye Zhile called his name. “We’re already divorced. I don’t think we have any other disputes, do we?”
Ye Zhile finished speaking and turned to leave. “Don’t come here again in the future.”
Ji Shuohan stood in place, watching Ye Zhile go inside and close the door. He didn’t even turn on the light in his room…
The next day, Ye Zhile put Dudu in the stroller and took him and Lu Xiaoyu to the beach to play.
The weather in the town was very good, and the sea was calm. Dudu was gesturing wildly, very excited by everything. Ye Zhile held him while watching Lu Xiaoyu pick up shells.
“Dudu, come, let Uncle Xiao Yu hold you,” Lu Xiaoyu said. Ye Zhile gave Dudu to him, smiling, “An eighteen-year-old uncle.”
“Well, he can’t call me ‘brother,'” Lu Xiaoyu bounced Dudu slightly and laughed. “You’re only a year older than me.”
“True,” Ye Zhile said.
The sun set over the horizon. Ye Zhile held Dudu, standing on the slope of the asphalt road to watch the sunset. Dudu leaned against his daddy’s neck, his small mouth going ‘a-ba a-ba.’
Ye Zhile couldn’t help but laugh as he heard it and tried to teach him, “Call me Daddy. Da-ddy.”
Dudu raised his small head, his little hands cupping Ye Zhile’s face as he mimicked Ye Zhile’s mouth movements, “A-ba a-ba…”
Ye Zhile was delighted. He wiped the drool from the corner of Dudu’s mouth, then put him back in the stroller and pushed him home slowly.
Night fell. In the bedroom of the Leader’s Estate, the Cedar pheromones lost control once again. Ji Shuohan had been plagued by nightmares for several days; the people and events in the dreams were always strange yet familiar. He tried to see the person and hear the words in the nightmares clearly.
‘I’ll miss My Lord today!’ The youth flew down from upstairs and threw himself into his arms, smiling sweetly.
‘Remember to miss me, My Lord.’ The youth smiled radiantly.
‘So, My Lord likes me now, right…?’ In the nightmare, the youth was crying pitifully, his skin thin and flushed, his hands resting helplessly on his shoulders.
He heard his own answer, his tone tender and affectionate: ‘I will always like you, Baby.’
‘My Lord must stay safe…’
‘My Lord…’
The nightmare suddenly shifted. The warm and romantic scene from before suddenly turned into a fierce argument. The youth was threatening his own life, and the blood on his neck was especially startling. He heard the youth’s desperate crying——
‘But you’re forcing me, Ji Shuohan! You don’t even know where you went wrong! I beg you… just sign it. I’m really going crazy!’
Ji Shuohan woke with a start, drenched in sweat. His heart was racing in panic, and a massive sense of dread washed over his whole body. He had seen the youth’s cuteness and liveliness, and finally, how he had been forced into hysterical madness by him…
“I’m sorry…” Ji Shuohan felt a wave of terror. He got up hurriedly, grabbed his jacket, and went out.
Ye Zhile had thought Ji Shuohan wouldn’t come back, as he wasn’t the type to be thick-skinned. But three days after he left, he appeared at Grandma’s door again.
At that time, Ye Zhile had just returned from a walk with Dudu. Dudu sat in the stroller gesturing with his hands. The sunset bathed them both in a warm, golden sea, appearing very soft. Ji Shuohan truly couldn’t imagine just how far he had pushed this person, who was so beautiful in every way, to make him go so mad.
Ye Zhile’s footsteps paused as he looked at Ji Shuohan. Ji Shuohan stepped forward and picked Dudu up from the stroller. He touched the child’s cheek. “Dudu, I am Father.”
“What right do you have to be his father?” Ye Zhile questioned him calmly. Since Ji Shuohan returned, the number of times he had held Dudu could be counted on one hand, let alone any other concern.
Ji Shuohan said nothing, just looked at Dudu. Dudu also opened his eyes wide, his small mouth saying, “A-ba…”
Ji Shuohan put Dudu back into the stroller. He looked at Ye Zhile. “I’m sorry… Zhile.”
Ye Zhile was stunned, and his eyes instantly brimmed with tears. “You… you remembered?”
Only the Ji Shuohan from before his memory loss would call him Zhile.
“I remembered some,” Ji Shuohan said. He took a step forward, and Ye Zhile took a step back. He blinked, fighting back tears. “So? You came here just to say sorry?”
“I know it’s not enough, but I still want to say I’m sorry,” Ji Shuohan said. “I was a scoundrel. I let you down.”
Ye Zhile lowered his head, his tears breaking through. He sobbed, “I don’t accept your apology, and I won’t forgive you.”
“Zhile…” Ji Shuohan wanted to hug Ye Zhile. Seeing his tears made his heart ache with bitterness. He knew the scoundrelly things he had done recently and that he had hurt the person before him to the core; seeking forgiveness was far from enough.
Ye Zhile dodged his hand. “We’re already divorced. Since you’ve remembered, that’s fine. Let’s just leave it at that.”
“Zhile.” Seeing Ye Zhile about to leave, Ji Shuohan grabbed his hand. He said, “Besides apologizing, I came because I wanted to see you one last time. I’m going to the frontier tomorrow.”
Ye Zhile looked up, staring at him in disbelief. He pushed Ji Shuohan away and said, “Ji Shuohan, why are you telling me this? What, do you expect me to still like you and worry about you? Am I that pathetic? I’m telling you, even if you die there… it won’t matter to me!”
“Zhile, I didn’t mean that…” Ji Shuohan wanted to explain, but Ye Zhile picked up Dudu and went inside.
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