Chapter 168: Frequency of Intercourse
T/n: The title 😱 hahahaha. Anyway, we’re so close to the end!!! I will definitely miss Little Wanwan~
“Boss…”
“Shut up.”
Tang Tuan hurriedly turned his back.
The other Jinwu Guards in Zichen Palace also followed suit and turned their backs.
Smirks appeared on all their faces. But one couldn’t blame the Jinwu Guards for eavesdropping; everyone simply hadn’t had time to withdraw yet. Old Physician Fang didn’t know martial arts and didn’t know there were so many people outside. He directly dropped the line:
“This old subject deserves death for asking, but what is the frequency of intercourse?”
Well then. The Jinwu Guards who wanted to withdraw all glued their ears to the wall. This is listenable. Sounds good. We can listen. It was refreshing to hear.
After the old physician finished his advice, everyone remembered this sentence: “Abstain from intercourse for two months; you must not deplete His Majesty’s Qi and blood too frequently.”
Very… unjust.
Su Jingzhi furrowed his brows.
Since knowing Little Wan wasn’t in good health back in the Turkic lands, he had already been restrained in everything. If the physician meant Little Wan was physically weak, he had known that long ago. Why did he have to whisper this reminder behind people’s backs?
Did he really take him for a beast?
Or was this sentence so important that the physician had to say it?
Only a very vague notion flashed through the Regent King’s mind, but since Su Jingzhi was unmarried and had absolutely no relevant experience to reference, he could only listen to the medical advice with a dark face throughout, then go out to face a group of Jinwu Guards struggling to control their expressions.
Tang Tuan: “Subordinate thinks, actually once every two days doesn’t count as…”
“Where is His Majesty?”
Interrupting Tang Tuan again, he asked about Little Wan’s situation.
“Eunuch An took him back to the bedchamber. His Majesty feels he’s fine this time and is very happy. He is currently ordering a meal. Subordinate just saw it.”
The Bedchamber.
“His Majesty decrees, the flower buns are well made. Reward the female chef of the Imperial Kitchen ten taels of silver.”
“His Majesty decrees, serve another plate of osmanthus cheese!”
“His Majesty, with golden mouth and jade words, praised, saying ‘Nice,’ and ‘The sliced fruit must be chilled to be tasty, it’s simply juejuezi [stunning]’…”
The voices of the eunuchs serving the meal drifted thinly out of the hall.
The Regent King stood at the palace entrance, thinking, what nonsense is this. Taking three steps in two, he entered the bedchamber, a bit anxious.
Some Little Emperor dares to eat chilled fruit just as he’s recovering a bit?
Wei Wanlan, This King thinks you want to be “dealt with severely” again.
Intending to catch him in the act, Su Jingzhi pushed open the door to the bedchamber. Inside was a dining table with a dozen people—eunuchs and maids holding bowls and plates, enjoying sliced fruit with toothpicks.
And a Wei Wanlan, chewing on a small steamed bun (xiaolongbao), was watching happily as everyone ate on his behalf. But because Su Jingzhi barged in suddenly, catching him off guard, he habitually felt guilty like a thief and abruptly swallowed the bun whole.
Then he—
Choked.
“Mm, mmm mmm mmm mmm, wuu wuu QAQ!!!”
So uncomfortable.
Something was stuck in his esophagus, neither going up nor down.
Chest tight, couldn’t breathe. What to do, Zhen is done for. Is Zhen about to be done for? Right?
While the imperial physician hasn’t gone far.
Summon the imperial physician!!! Save the Emperor!!!
…
Night.
The Little Emperor Wei Wanlan, who had nearly lost his dragon life to a mouthful of xiaolongbao, finally spat it out after being picked up by the Regent King and given a smack on the back.
Wei Wanlan was very angry because Su Jingzhi scared people.
Wei Wanlan was also very aggrieved this time because the Regent King was making a fuss over nothing. It was the Regent King’s fault, not his.
Wei Wanlan was still having lingering fears.
…This was the umpteenth time he had nearly choked to death.
Back in the Turkic lands, he would get very hungry after vomiting and eat very fast, occasionally choking.
Then back in Chang’an, choking so severely this time couldn’t help but make him vigilant.
At that time, Wei Wanlan didn’t realize this was called psychological suggestion—the more he thought about it, the more he choked. Then his mind was full of tracing the cause of choking, blaming the annoying Sage Emperor Cultivation System. It wanted to punish him!
Kill the powerful minister, quell internal strife, destroy the enemy nation.
Of the three main missions, he had only completed two.
As for the powerful minister, umm… Wei Wanlan rolled his eyes. The powerful minister was currently massaging his shoulders and rubbing his tummy. Although the powerful minister did something wrong today, he definitely wouldn’t kill him.
Zhen likes the Regent King.
Hehe.
His cheek was pinched. Wei Wanlan puffed up his cheeks.
Su Jingzhi scooped him up into his arms, encircling him from behind to ask about his illness: “Still feeling unwell tonight?”
Everything is fine except the fear of choking to death.
“Wanwan, what are you thinking about?”
Thinking if I will really choke to death. The one-year deadline, there’s not much time left. If I die, will it take you away too, since we share life and death?
“Wanwan?”
“Wuwuwuwu Regent King QAQ…”
Here it comes again.
The absolutely familiar opening, but it worked every time, no matter how many times.
Su Jingzhi naturally pulled him close, gently stroking Wei Wanlan’s thin back:
“What is it now?”
“If there is a person—yes, Zhen is talking about Zhen’s friend—Zhen’s friend was supposed to complete three exam questions, but he missed one. In the end, he only completed two. Do you think he will pass? Will he be scolded by the teacher?”
Wei Wanlan thought it was a very appropriate analogy.
Su Jingzhi didn’t know his little secret, so naturally, he could only analyze the matter as it stood. He said, “That depends on the reason for missing it.”
“If it was just carelessness…”
“Then he deserves a beating.”
Wei Wanlan’s ears twitched. A dignified Sage Emperor Cultivation System manifesting to beat someone up wouldn’t be good, right?
“Then what if he couldn’t write it? What if the person who set the question made it violate moral principles, causing the examinee to refuse to write?”
“Then don’t write it,” Su Jingzhi said. “However, if this person disobeys the examiner and refuses to write, not passing and receiving punishment are certainties.”
This made Wei Wanlan even more scared. It was as if, after the Regent King’s pointing out, choking to death was inevitable. Wei Wanlan instantly panicked, his little face falling. If I die, I won’t see the Regent King.
His depression prompted Su Jingzhi to ask, “Which of Your Majesty’s friends didn’t pass the Imperial College exam? Although This King cannot help him cheat, arranging for a famous teacher to give him some pointers is possible.” The Regent King’s maternal family were all cultured people.
But Wei Wanlan was in no mood to fabricate a friend anymore. Dropping the friend subject, his heart was full of the system punishment. Because he was too cowardly and needed some energy, he hung onto Su Jingzhi, hugging his neck:
“Kiss kiss.”
A little dummy who actively asked for kisses would be kissed until he couldn’t breathe.
Su Jingzhi had received medical orders and couldn’t go all the way to the last step, so he took full advantage of the foreplay, only stopping when he was about to lose control.
At this moment, Wei Wanlan was flushed and hot all over, his lips numb. While fanning himself with his hand, he carefully hid his true feelings, tears constantly brewing in his eyes.
Don’t want to die, want to protect the Regent King.
Even if I really have to die, I can’t hurt the Regent King. I won’t kill the Regent King, and I absolutely can’t take the Regent King with me.
Because Zhen likes you the mostest.
“Your Majesty should also personally handle court affairs recently. Should this slave put away this fake dummy for you first?”
Eunuch An probed cautiously.
The Little Emperor’s health had improved a bit, yet he was still using the dummy to cover his shifts. This wasn’t dignified.
As a result, Wei Wanlan, who was deep in thought and worried, was startled by the voice again. A grape choked him.
It scared An Ruyi into hurriedly pleading for forgiveness: “This slave deserves death! This slave deserves death!”
Wei Wanlan: “…” This is purely an overreaction caused by psychological effects.
Unfortunately, he was still paranoid and couldn’t realize the crux of the problem at all. Seeing Eunuch An prostrate on the ground, not daring to rise, he quickly pardoned Eunuch An first. Don’t blame him.
Wei Wanlan smoothed his chest: “Let Zhen keep the dummy. In case it’s useful someday, Zhen will take it out again.”
An Ruyi actively ignored the implication that a certain Little Emperor might continue to skip work in the future.
Wei Wanlan added, “Eunuch An, I want to ask you something.”
“Your Majesty may speak freely.”
“What if Zhen dies?”
“Your Majesty must not say such things!!!”
What terrifying speech. It made An Ruyi kneel again.
This was the downside of ancient feudal dynasties; people knelt at the drop of a hat. Consulting on a matter was very strenuous.
Wei Wanlan had to continue his hypothesis: “Zhen means, what if? There has to be a time after a hundred years, right?”
“Your Majesty is so wise; you will surely leave a good name in history and be praised by ten thousand people.”
Wei Wanlan: “Then what about the Regent King? Will he miss Zhen?”
Theoretically speaking, even if dying of old age, the Regent King should die first, but nine years wasn’t that exaggerated.
An Ruyi felt he was practically holding his head in his hands discussing such dangerous topics with the Emperor: “The Prince would be overcome with grief.”
Eunuch An was a die-hard loyalist of the Regent King. Having followed him for many years, he knew the Regent King’s temperament well: “The Prince seems cold, but he is actually a person who values affection deeply. He has always cared about you incomparably.”
Wei Wanlan’s face was hot. He pressed the back of his fingers against his cheek, his nose stinging.
—But Zhen…
This time I might really die QAQ.
Since the topic had already led here, and An Ruyi was only going to be scared this once anyway, Wei Wanlan decided to go a step further and ask, “If the Regent King saw Zhen with his own eyes, Jia…”
Jiabeng (pass away)?
Su Jingzhi personally watching the one-year term arrive, seeing Zhen choke to death before his eyes.
Wei Wanlan didn’t dare to think about it.
His heart ached as if countless pots of vinegar were poured into his stomach through his nose. Wei Wanlan wanted to cry even more.
Because he had too strong an ability to empathize, he could even seemingly feel how broken Su Jingzhi would be at that time. Even if the roles were reversed and he saw Su Jingzhi leave this world, Wei Wanlan would want to leave with him.
Liking someone is a very unreasonable thing.
The answer to his unfinished hypothesis was already very clear, so there was no need to say it out loud and worry Eunuch An.
Even though Eunuch An was really still waiting respectfully, waiting for what words would pop out after Wei Wanlan’s “Jia.”
Wei Wanlan: “What if the Regent King saw Zhen Jia (driving) his warhorse and able to run two whole laps around the drill ground?”
An Ruyi breathed a sigh of relief: “At that time, the Prince would surely be endlessly gratified.”
…
Sigh. Separation in life and parting in death—which is more painful?
Wei Wanlan wasn’t old, but he had begun to study grand topics like life and death, which wasn’t very happy.
Another layer of snow fell outside Zichen Palace.
Through the window, the outside was framed by the window frame, like a painting. How beautiful.
But he would soon be unable to see it because refusing to do Mission One meant the bad system definitely wouldn’t let him off. It wouldn’t even give him a passing grade or let him half-choke; it wanted his life QAQ…
Just as Wei Wanlan was thinking this, soldiers came to deliver something outside the Zichen Palace study:
“Your Majesty, may we come in?”
“Enter.”
It was a large redwood chest, big enough to fit a person.
Wei Wanlan suddenly remembered—this was the silicone dummy. Eunuch An had just asked him about it, and he had said he would put it away himself.
“Put the chest down. Eunuch An, you all withdraw first. Zhen wants to be alone for a while.”
The silicone dummy did not belong to the system items.
It should be considered compensation given to him by the system, but up to now, the bad system hadn’t said anything about recalling it, nor had the bad system shown any presence. How should the silicone dummy be handled?
Thinking this, Wei Wanlan tried to summon the system.
No response.
No movement.
Let alone the dialogue customer service, he couldn’t even find that selection interface. In the empty Zichen Palace, only he was staring wide-eyed at the air, like a little fool.
W-What is going on!?
It really abandoned Zhen. It’s just waiting to harvest Zhen’s little life. Wuwuwuwu wah wah wah QAQ…
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