Chapter 49: You’re Yelling at Me
“A-Ling, am I going to die?”
At that time, Wen Ling was too young. He didn’t understand what “die” meant, but seeing his brother so afraid and sad, he knew “die” must be a bad word.
“No, Brother, you won’t die.”
“Hehe, I think so too. I feel much better today, like nothing is wrong. Maybe I can be discharged tomorrow.”
“Sigh, I’m never getting an injection again. I thought getting shots would make me get better faster, but it’s all lies. Don’t you ever get injections either, otherwise you’ll be like me. It’s so uncomfortable. Don’t come to the hospital either; the disinfectant smells terrible.”
“Mn, I know.” Little Wen Ling listened quietly to his brother, only replying occasionally. He thought his brother seemed much better than before, and he was very happy.
Since coming to the hospital, his brother had gotten thinner and thinner, looking more and more fragile. He had been worried for a long time, but now he was finally getting better.
He was happy for one night, but the next day brought news of his brother’s death and a cold corpse.
There were many things he didn’t understand back then, but he knew clearly that he hated hospitals, hated injections, and hated the smell of disinfectant.
So when Wen Ling woke up with his nose full of the smell of disinfectant, a needle stuck in the back of his hand, and realized he was in a hospital ward, the string of reason snapped completely. Only one thought remained in his mind—run.
Of course, before he could act, he was pinned down by Cheng Ge. Wen Ling was already thin, and coupled with the weakness from his illness, he was naturally no match for Cheng Ge.
“What are you doing?” Cheng Ge was afraid Wen Ling moving around would break the needle, so his tone was a bit urgent.
“I don’t want to be here! I won’t get an injection!” Wen Ling didn’t give up struggling and even bit Cheng Ge’s shoulder.
Cheng Ge winced in pain but couldn’t bear to do anything to Wen Ling, so he could only pretend to be fierce: “What kind of tantrum are you throwing?! You’re burning up so bad you could die. Do you want to die?!”
The result didn’t achieve the intended deterrent effect; instead, it scared the person to tears.
Hearing Cheng Ge say he wanted to die, Wen Ling’s tears fell like pearls from a broken string, plip-plop. Because the person in front of him was Cheng Ge, and such a fierce Cheng Ge at that, he cried even more unrestrainedly.
With red eyes, he pursed his lips and didn’t speak, staring straight at Cheng Ge as tears endlessly fell from his eyes.
Then, because the smell of disinfectant was too awful, Wen Ling grabbed Cheng Ge’s clothes to cover his nose and mouth, his tears dripping all over Cheng Ge’s shirt.
Cheng Ge was very confused and panicked. He didn’t dare use force with the hands holding the person down. He hadn’t expected Wen Ling to suddenly start crying again and was completely at a loss.
Moreover, Cheng Ge didn’t know if Wen Ling was actually angry, and whether this guy clutching his clothes wanted to wipe away tears or snot?
“You’re yelling at me.” Wen Ling stared at Cheng Ge without blinking.
“I… I wasn’t,” Cheng Ge wasn’t really venting his temper on Wen Ling; he just wanted to scare him a little. “I was afraid you’d move and snap the needle. I didn’t really mean to yell at you. I care about you.”
“Really.” Cheng Ge added these two words to increase the persuasiveness of his statement.
“You’re lying. You don’t care about me at all, not one bit.”
Cheng Ge felt unjustly accused. Fairly speaking, he didn’t treat Wen Ling badly, right? He hadn’t ignored him.
“I didn’t, don’t talk nonsense.”
“When I got out of bed today, I was too dizzy and accidentally fell. My butt hit the floor directly. My butt doesn’t have much meat, so the fall hurt a lot.”
Wen Ling gradually stopped crying. He spoke very seriously, but Cheng Ge didn’t realize what Wen Ling was trying to express—was he voicing a grievance or complaining about Cheng Ge’s ignorance of his situation?
Wen Ling continued. Because he rarely spoke such long sentences, he spoke very slowly: “Last week, I told you I had a bump in my mouth. You told me it was normal and that your mouth gets bumps easily too. Then I looked it up online; it was a mouth ulcer. But that night, you still ordered fried chicken for me. Then I grew two more bumps.”
“Although the fried chicken was kind of tasty.”
Cheng Ge didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He was truly innocent! When Wen Ling said he had a bump, he thought it was a small pimple caused by allergies that would heal naturally in a few days. Wen Ling didn’t say it was a blister, so how was he supposed to know it was a mouth ulcer!
“You always smile at me and kiss me, but you don’t look into my eyes. Those smiles and kisses are fake. You think I don’t know.”
Cheng Ge couldn’t help but freeze. So Wen Ling really could see those subtle differences.
“Every day, you just tell me to sleep early and remember to eat breakfast, but you never check if I actually fall asleep or if I eat.”
“You’re different from before,” Wen Ling looked at Cheng Ge, as if looking straight through this shell to his soul. “You’re like a robot, but your programming is almost perfect, so when I notice it, I don’t know where to start. It seems like it’s all my fault.”
“I hate this version of Cheng Ge. Before, I wanted to tell you everything, but now I don’t want to say anything because you aren’t really paying attention to me.”
“I…” Cheng Ge wanted to explain a sentence or two, but he found that Wen Ling’s words struck straight at the vital points. They were clear, logical, and most importantly, they were facts. He had been intentionally avoiding and distancing himself from Wen Ling, keeping himself detached.
He had no way to refute it.
“I have nightmares every night. I always have nightmares,” Wen Ling’s voice became tinged with crying again at this point. “You are always gently saying goodbye to me. You tell me to take care of myself, then walk away without looking back. I keep chasing, but I can never catch up. I fall down, wake up, and end up staring at the dark ceiling in a daze.”
“It’s like that every time, but every time I can’t distinguish it from reality.”
“Because I am very afraid…” His voice trembled uncontrollably.
Wen Ling’s eyes could finally no longer hold back the tears. They surged out at once, sliding down his flushed cheeks and dripping onto the hem of his clothes.
Cheng Ge’s heart felt heavy and painful. He hugged Wen Ling tightly, constantly stroking Wen Ling’s back.
“Clearly, you were the one who taught me these differences… I hate you for making me like this.” Wen Ling paused for a moment, then immediately said, “But I still like you very much.”
Wen Ling often said he liked him, excessively straightforward. Cheng Ge used to think it was just a child’s nature, that he didn’t understand anything. But it seemed Wen Ling understood everything.
This made the guilt Cheng Ge had accumulated in his heart multiply. For the first time, Cheng Ge seriously apologized to Wen Ling: “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”
Perhaps Cheng Ge finally understood that Wen Ling was someone who was extremely slow yet extremely sensitive.
Wen Ling often didn’t know how blunt or offensive his bold, suggestive remarks and extreme demands were to others. He simply needed straightforward, intimate hugs and light kisses. He needed to concretely hear “I like you.” He needed the nourishment of abundant, thick concern and care, and lots and lots of companionship, just to sluggishly feel a fraction of love, just to sprout fresh, tender branches.
But for a sapling that had been treated with serious care, if the concern and love nourishing it had even a fraction of flaw or falseness—Wen Ling would sensitively detect it, and those new branches would rapidly wither and fall.
“Can you kiss me… my heart hurts a little,” Wen Ling asked in a small voice.
Cheng Ge’s eyes reflected Wen Ling’s face. He saw Wen Ling’s clear eyes and felt that Wen Ling seemed to be giving him a chance to redeem himself. Or perhaps Wen Ling was just really suffering and urgently needed that thick, direct comfort.
Cheng Ge cupped Wen Ling’s face, tilted his head, and kissed Wen Ling’s lips. He didn’t beat around the bush by kissing other places to fool him; he went straight for Wen Ling’s lips. In that moment, Cheng Ge didn’t care about other worries. All he considered was Wen Ling’s emotions.
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