Chapter 94: Cause and Effect
“Then… then I like it when you kiss me, and I like kissing you too. That makes me very happy.”
“Is there more?”
“I like it when you hold me. I like our hugs, us being stuck together.”
…F*ck.
Cheng Ge turned his face away, adjusting his breathing. Finally, he let out a raspy “Mm” and asked again: “Anything else?”
Wen Ling spoke with a slight nasal tone, sounding muffled: “I miss you every day. Iām even thinking of you right now.”
“You still think of me when Iām right beside you?”
“I do. Even that isn’t enough, but I…” Wen Ling shifted his body, moving closer to Cheng Ge until they were touching. He sniffed the faint mint scent on him, feeling a bit confused himself. “But I don’t know how much is enough. It feels like it’s never enough.”
That impulse and thought to merge the other person into his own bones and blood could never be satisfied.
Cheng Ge propped his elbows on either side of Wen Ling, his fingers pinching Wen Lingās small, rounded earlobes. The two were extremely close.
“Who am I?” Cheng Ge asked a seemingly baseless question.
“You are…” Wen Ling felt like he was a bit oxygen-deprived. He tilted his chin and pecked Cheng Geās lips twice. His hand instinctively hooked around Cheng Geās neck, wanting to pull him down for a kiss, but Cheng Ge tilted his head to dodge.
“Who am I?” Cheng Ge asked again.
Since he couldn’t kiss Cheng Geās mouth, Wen Ling rubbed his lips against his chin and Adamās apple. His movements and tone were a bit urgent: “Cheng Ge. You are Cheng Ge.”
“Who is Cheng Ge?” This time, Cheng Ge seemed like a relentless, unreasonable person. “How do you know I am me?”
Wen Ling panicked for no reason, always feeling as though something were about to run away, something he couldn’t catch.
“Cheng Ge is just Cheng Ge!”
“If this body had a different soul inside, then…”
[001: Warning! Warning! Host’s behavior is risky. Forcing mute.]
Cheng Geās Adamās apple bobbed. After a moment, he continued: “…How do you know I am me? Do you really like me?”
“I like you. Cheng Ge is just Cheng Ge,” Wen Ling felt a bit sad, a bit sorrowful. But that didn’t seem to stem only from his own unease; it seemed more as if he were infected by Cheng Geās emotions. Wen Lingās voice carried a sob. “Aren’t you just you?”
“Cheng Ge cooks for me, makes lots of things I like to eat. He helps me blow-dry my hair, holds me tight when we sleep, teaches me many things, orders takeout for me, reminds me to cover myself with the quilt, holds my hand tight when crossing the street, prepares a huge, huge pile of medicine for me…”
Wen Ling blinked once. A tear slid from the corner of his eye, vanishing into the night. He sniffed, his nasal tone growing thicker as he spoke. “We hug, we kiss, we love… wasn’t it you who said youād protect me, who cares for me every day? Aren’t you the one hugging me right now?”
“I just like you. I only want Cheng Geāthe current Cheng Ge. You are you. Your birthday is on the Winter Solstice, you like eating fish, and you also like… mghā”
Wen Lingās remaining words were blocked in his throat, swallowed down.
This kiss came suddenly and fiercely.
Cheng Ge was never proactive when it came to intimacy, and his coaxing usually stopped at the right moment. This was an aggressive posture he had never shown before.
Wen Lingās mouth was kissed until it was numb and sore, yet he was jubilant, so excited he couldn’t control his off-the-charts heartbeat. That feeling of being needed, of being possessed, simply made him willing to drown in it.
“So good.”
In his daze, Wen Ling felt strongly that he could finally grasp something.
It was Cheng Ge who allowed him to grasp it.
The night was deep. Outside the window, the moon was exceptionally round and bright. The wind passed through the branches, creating mottled, swaying shadows. Tired birds returned to their nests. There were no more pedestrians outside the dorm; it was very quiet outside, and the room was also silent.
Wen Ling curled up in Cheng Geās arms, dazing and spacing out. Cheng Ge patted his back every now and then.
Wen Ling felt that the kiss just now was simply too comfortable. Now that the rush had passed, he felt a bit empty.
He wanted more, but Cheng Ge pressed his forehead against his and said “Take it slow” in such a gentle tone that Wen Ling fell for it.
He wasn’t having it easy, so he wouldn’t let Cheng Ge have it easy either. Wen Ling had to assert his presence. His small feet stepped on Cheng Geās feet; even when they were squeezed together, he kept moving, twisting and turning.
“Behave.” Cheng Ge gave Wen Lingās head a neither light nor heavy flick.
“You even flicked me? You’re not even kissing me anymore? You used to kiss me twice whenever you said ‘behave’ before.”
It was as if he were looking for trouble.
Cheng Ge was amused by his seriousness. “Put it on credit.”
Wen Ling leaned in himself and kissed Cheng Geās cheek twice. It made a sound, yet he still looked as though he were doing it reluctantly. “Fine then.”
Cheng Ge couldn’t help but laugh again: “…”
After laughing for a bit, Cheng Ge suddenly stopped and took Wen Lingās hand. “Xiao Wen, if I… if I sometimes come and go without a trace, or if I might disappear for a periodā”
“No!” Wen Ling interrupted Cheng Ge. “Didn’t you say youād stay with me forever?”
“Yes, it won’t be forever, but it might…”
[001: Warning!]
Wen Ling: “No!”
Cheng Ge instinctively frowned, his mind a bit chaotic.
“You won’t leave. Didn’t you promise me?” Wen Ling was about to cry again.
“No crying.” Cheng Ge used his thumb to wipe away a bit of moisture from the corner of Wen Lingās eye, but that liquid was like a switch for the tear ductsāonce wiped away, a steady stream of tears surged forth.
“How can you be like this… Cheng Ge… how can Cheng Ge be like this…” Sobbing made it difficult for Wen Ling to even speak; he was almost unable to catch his breath.
“Stop crying, stop crying. Don’t cry.” Cheng Geās heart was wrenched into a knot, yet he truly didn’t have a single word of comfort.
After a long time, Cheng Ge suddenly started laughing. He messily wiped away the other’s tears, his laugh a bit mischievous, and his words followed suit: “I was joking, teasing you. Iām not leaving. Why are you sad?”
“Stop crying. If you keep crying, keep shedding tears, Iāll call you ‘Wen-Ku’ (Wen-Cry). I really dare to… hey!”
Another bloody bite mark appeared on Cheng Geās shoulder, but he didn’t push the “culprit” away at all. He even pressed Wen Lingās head against his shoulder.
“How could you make a joke like that?”
Cheng Ge squeezed the back of Wen Lingās neck, his tone very apologetic and sincere: “My mistake, my mistake.”
“How could you do that? I was scared…” Wen Ling tugged at Cheng Geās clothes. “I can’t take it.”
Cheng Ge held the person tightly in his arms, stroking Wen Lingās hair. “Iām sorry. My fault. I won’t say it again.”
“Don’t leave. Don’t leave me behind. Don’t not want me…”
“Iām not leaving, Iām not leaving. I definitely want you.”
On the topic of “not leaving” and “don’t leave me behind,” Cheng Ge made promises for a long time before Wen Lingās emotions finally barely calmed down.
He rolled over and started ignoring Cheng Ge.
“Xiao Wen, talk to me.”
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