Chapter 35: The You of the Past Was Very Gentle
“I don’t mean anything.”
Shen Xingyu seemed to have no desire to continue this boring topic. His gaze darkened slightly, and he slowly moved his face downward. His tall nose intentionally or unintentionally brushed against Liang Sheng’s exposed neck—frivolous, yet not lacking in gentleness.
His lips were very cold. Perhaps he had caught a bit of the breeze outside. It made Liang Sheng shiver all over, feeling terrified.
Shen Xingyu felt the trembling of his body, and a smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. Like a big bad wolf teasing a little rabbit, seeing the way the little rabbit was being bullied in his arms made his mood exceptionally pleasant.
So itchy…
Liang Sheng bit his lip hard, trying to ignore the man’s breath blowing against his ear, but his racing heart and burning neck betrayed him.
“D-don’t touch me anymore. It feels… bad…”
Not his body, but his heart.
“Be good. Don’t be afraid.”
Shen Xingyu coaxed, placing his hand on his little wife’s shoulder.
But the other’s collar was too loose; with a light tug, it slipped down, revealing the bite mark he had left before.
It had already faded, showing a light pink color, like a strawberry.
The more he looked, the more he liked it…
Liang Sheng was terrified and hurriedly pulled his clothes back together, covering the shameful mark.
He constantly used his elbow to push against the man’s chest, moving his body outward, not wanting any contact at all.
However much he had longed for intimacy with his husband in the past, he resisted it just as much now. Shen Xingyu had kissed others’ lips and held others’ hands; for him to touch him now… he didn’t like it.
Seeing Liang Sheng avoiding him as if he were the plague, Shen Xingyu’s expression instantly turned cold.
He flipped his little wife over so he was no longer facing away, then raised his chin and slowly leaned in.
Liang Sheng instinctively wanted to struggle, but his mind was made dizzy by the man’s allure, and he forgot to resist.
He stared blankly at the handsome face inches away. Thinking the other was going to kiss him, he closed his eyes in fear.
Shen Xingyu, however, stopped when he was close to the tip of his nose. Looking at his blushing face, he curled his lips into a smile.
The expected softness did not descend. Liang Sheng only felt a light puff of air against his hair on his forehead, and then the man’s gentle voice sounded:
“Sheng-sheng, I want to ask you a question.”
Liang Sheng opened his eyes in confusion to see his gaze full of tender love. He was momentarily stunned.
Was this still his husband?
He looked so much like… the Shen Xingyu who had pursued him back then.
His eyes suddenly welled with heat.
Liang Sheng uncontrollably raised his hand, trembling as he wanted to stroke that once-beloved face.
He had already seen the young man whose heart and eyes were full of him. But in the next second, the other person swatted his hand away.
The filter broke. Before him was still the husband who no longer loved him after losing his memory.
Shen Xingyu didn’t like him looking at him that way—with an expression as if he were mourning something. He wasn’t dead yet.
Liang Sheng lowered his eyes in embarrassment and said softly:
“What… what question?”
Shen Xingyu again raised his chin to face him, asking calmly:
“I want to know what I was like in the past. Did I love you very much?”
Liang Sheng hadn’t expected he would ask this question. He was so surprised he grew flustered, not knowing what to do.
This was the first time his husband had asked since his memory loss. Before, when he wanted to tell the other about the past, his husband had been very resistant, even losing his temper with him.
“Why… why do you ask?”
He momentarily didn’t know whether to be happy or sad.
“Just answer.”
Shen Xingyu’s expression remained flat, yet in his heart, he was crazily and expectantly wanting to hear him speak.
The thought of his memories made Liang Sheng want to cry.
He pursed his lips tight, holding back the tears, yet he still let out a sob and murmured:
“In the past… the you of the past was very gentle and meticulous. You would listen quietly as I shared all sorts of trivial matters and troubles, giving me comfort and advice. You remembered all my habits and likes.”
Shen Xingyu frowned slightly, feeling only awkwardness.
“Gentle” and “meticulous”—descriptive words used to please others—felt truly out of place when applied to him.
After all, his past love for Liang Sheng had been feigned.
If he hadn’t feigned it, how could he have tricked this person into giving him his heart and soul?
While acting back then, he had almost fallen in.
He had almost been unable to distinguish whether he was a reclusive young master or a gentle senior student.
Thankfully, a car accident had knocked him back into clarity.
Liang Sheng didn’t know his inner thoughts. He remained immersed in his memories, a rare happiness showing on his face:
“I loved making fragrances. You would patiently accompany me to collect all sorts of materials. Once, the mountain path was very slippery and I took a fall. You carried me on your back from dawn until dusk. You didn’t care even when your clothes got dirty… now you have severe mysophobia; you wouldn’t do that anymore…”
Shen Xingyu had never seen him look as happy as he did at this moment. He was momentarily stunned. His heart was quickly pricked as if by a needle—so fast he didn’t even realize what that feeling was.
He hadn’t expected Liang Sheng would still remember those things. A tiny bit of secret joy flashed in his eyes, but he said indifferently:
“Just carrying you down a mountain… you were moved by that?”
“No…”
Liang Sheng shook his head, sobbing lightly and sniffling. One shouldn’t cry when remembering beautiful things.
He suppressed his emotions and continued:
“During my first internship, I was transferred to a very remote mountainous area. The temperature there was very low, and I wasn’t used to the environment. I was sick for many days. Back then, we were thousands of kilometers apart, yet you still quit the project you had worked so hard to secure just to come and take care of me…”
“In that mountainous area, as far as the eye could see, there were mountains everywhere. Cars couldn’t get in. You relied on yourself to climb over mountains and ridges, climbing for many days before you found me.”
He still remembered to this day how battered Shen Xingyu had been back then. His body was covered in blood—who knows how many times he had fallen. His clothes were tattered and he looked very pathetic, losing all his usual gentle and clean appearance.
But his eyes were bright—those eyes that loved him.
Liang Sheng would never forget that day, nor the hardships Shen Xingyu had endured for him.
“I really had too much free time.”
Shen Xingyu treated it as a joke.
He nonchalantly played with his little wife’s soft hair, admiring the expression on the other’s face. Seeing him in pain made him feel even more pleasant.
It showed that Liang Sheng still loved him~
“If it were now, you wouldn’t care if I lived or died…”
Liang Sheng’s vision was blurred by tears. He couldn’t see the man’s expression after hearing those things, but he was certainly indifferent.
He felt even sadder. He buried his face in Shen Xingyu’s chest, his shoulders shaking. His fingers curled into fists as he weakly pounded the other’s chest, crying and questioning:
“Why did you have to lose your memory… why… why did you have to forget your kindness to me? You loved me so much in the past; why did you forget as soon as you said you would… when will you remember… woo~”
If he didn’t recover his memory soon, he was going to die…
“Enough. Stop crying. You look so ugly when you cry; who would want to see that?”
Shen Xingyu raised his tear-stained little face, his eyes full of disdain.
“Could it be… you haven’t remembered a single thing?”
Liang Sheng humbly held onto the last shred of hope, blinking hard to clear his tears, longing to see a bit of memory from the past in the man’s eyes—even if it was just a little…
But there was nothing.
Shen Xingyu heartlessly brushed his face aside. “Forgotten is forgotten. The things that can be forgotten are all unimportant.”
He couldn’t remember how many times he had had his heart pulled out and trampled on.
Yet each time, it made him hurt as if he were dying.
“Alright, go to sleep. Don’t bother me.”
After saying that, the man turned his back to him, acting so decisive that he was stingy with even a single word of comfort.
Liang Sheng lay on his side, staring blankly at his back as tears silently and slowly fell from his eyes.
Shen Xingyu never knew that he had spent all these years alone with their beautiful past memories.
He was almost unable to distinguish whether he was living his days with the memories or with his beloved husband.
During these years, he often dreamed of the time they were in love. If the memories hadn’t been so beautiful, he likely wouldn’t have been able to endure those seven years in reality.
Liang Sheng wiped the moisture from the corners of his eyes and turned over, pulling a bit of the blanket over him and curling up in the corner of the bed like an abandoned child.
Helpless, lonely, piteous…
It seemed he wouldn’t be able to wait for the man to recover his memory…
Just now, he had almost thought Shen Xingyu had remembered his love for him…
Liang Sheng blamed himself for being too sentimental.
Yes, forgotten is forgotten.
The things that can be forgotten are all unimportant.
He was unimportant…
If that car accident hadn’t happened, how good would it be…
What would they be like now?
They would surely be very happy!
Just like before.
He could be without worry, freely acting spoiled and willful before Shen Xingyu, being himself…
As he thought, Liang Sheng’s whole body trembled. The pain manifested physically; he used his hand to cover his mouth tightly, not daring to let out a single sob. His tears dampened the pillowcase, soaking a large area into a dark stain.
The cold moonlight made the glint of tears in his eyes look fragmented.
Shen Xingyu was completely unaware his little wife was secretly weeping in pain.
He was immersed in the great satisfaction brought by his lies. The pride and vanity in his bones were crazily amplified.
As long as he was slightly gentle and used his past self to move Liang Sheng, the other would still love him wholeheartedly. What did Xie Zhengran even count for?
From beginning to end, Liang Sheng only had him.
At some point, the moonlight outside was covered by dark clouds.
Most of Shen Xingyu’s face was lost in the darkness, the faint smile at the corners of his mouth appearing and disappearing in the shadows.
He closed his eyes and fell peacefully asleep.
Liang Sheng, however, was not as calm as him.
The lights weren’t on in the room; it was very, very dark.
Shen Xingyu wasn’t used to sleeping with the lights on.
But Liang Sheng was afraid of the dark. When he was young in the orphanage, he had been bullied by other children who locked him in a closet for two days and nights before he was found. Because of this, he developed claustrophobia; as soon as night fell, he would become uneasy.
In the past at the Liang family, his mother would light a candle for him and stay by his side until he slowly fell asleep.
Now that he was married to Shen Xingyu, although he couldn’t have the light on while sleeping, at least there had been a glowing blue crystal ball. Holding it in his arms every night while falling asleep made him not afraid of the dark.
That was a token of love Shen Xingyu had given him during the first year of pursuing him; now, the other man no longer remembered.
He had come to the Shen residence in a hurry and hadn’t brought anything—including that crystal ball. Without the protection of the crystal ball’s faint light, he could only huddle under the covers, shivering. The darkness was like countless large hands, wanting to drag him completely into a boundless abyss.
“Don’t be afraid… Sheng-sheng isn’t afraid…”
Liang Sheng’s lips trembled, his hands tightly grabbing the blanket, as he constantly murmured to comfort himself.
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