Chapter 50: You Haven’t Held Me for a Long Time
His hair had grown a bit long, and it spread out in the water. The dark strands made his small face look even more deathly pale.
The icy water swallowing his whole body provided a moment of liberation.
In a daze, Liang Sheng saw himself back in university. At that time, his mother was still around, and his father hadn’t started gambling. Although his younger brother still didn’t like him, most of the time he was happy.
He could do anything he liked, and the person he loved happened to be by his side. At that time, Shen Xingyu was gentle and considerate; he wouldn’t force him, nor would he make him sad and miserable like he did now.
Those were such good times.
The days, like horse carriages and letters, moved very slowly.
And they were very peaceful.
Submerged in the water, the corners of Liang Sheng’s mouth curled up slightly. But the beautiful illusion lasted only a moment before it was completely destroyed by the current surging from all directions.
He began to feel suffocated. He couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth to breathe, but water poured into his throat, making his organs ache from the choking.
A wave of nausea rose from his stomach.
It was the “demon of illness” acting up again.
Liang Sheng was startled awake by the pain. He hurriedly scrambled out of the water, gasping for air. The twisting pain in his stomach made him vomit out everything he had eaten yesterday until only a bit of acid remained. There was nothing left.
“Heh… heh…”
He was barely surviving. His weak body was like a rag, hanging limply over the edge of the bathtub. He didn’t even have the strength to lift his hand. Just now, he had wanted to drown in the tub like that, but he simply couldn’t die.
The pain of stomach cancer woke him up completely.
“Why… won’t you let me die…”
Liang Sheng murmured weakly. There was no one left in the world who loved him. What was the point of living?
It was just adding more pain.
The water falling from the showerhead hit the top of his head, bringing him back to his senses. He shakily climbed out of the bathtub.
His stomach was burning terribly. He had to find some medicine to take. If the pain continued, he still wouldn’t be able to die.
Liang Sheng struggled to prop himself up, put on clean clothes, and leaned against the bathroom wall to slowly shuffle out.
He had become so useless that he couldn’t even walk.
He shook his head, opened the cabinet, took out the medicine to swallow, and drank a few sips of the cold water in the cup.
He finally felt a little better.
A few days ago, Xie Zhengran had been calling him constantly, telling him to go back for treatment. He had advised him earnestly that as long as he was willing to spend time and energy, he could get better.
But he was unwilling; he was afraid.
The hospital was a lifeless place.
To take care of his mother all these years, he had been running to the hospital constantly. He was already sick of the smell of disinfectant and medicine.
Moreover, the hospital bed was where his mother died.
He didn’t dare face it. Every time he saw it, he would remember his mother’s mangled face—she had died such a tragic death.
Liang Sheng didn’t dare think about it anymore. He buried himself in the soft bedding. He hadn’t closed his eyes all night; now, he only wanted to have a good sleep. Only when sleeping could he briefly forget those unpleasantries.
It was already noon.
But it was still gloomy outside. It seemed to have rained, but fortunately, there wasn’t much wind, and the room was very quiet.
Liang Sheng closed his eyes. Tears flowed silently from them, following the dew on the tips of his hair and dripping onto the pillow. Half of the pillowcase was soaked.
They pressed coldly against his cheek. He didn’t have the strength to wipe them dry. He fell into a daze but didn’t sleep soundly.
He was in a nightmare for the few minutes he was asleep.
Perhaps the indecent photos on the podium had hit him too hard. Even in his dreams, he was standing on the stage being mocked, while his beloved husband stood in the crowd, far away from him.
Liang Sheng cried out. Half-awake, he felt someone wipe away his tears with their finger. The fingertip was slightly cool.
He struggled and suddenly opened his eyes to see Shen Xingyu sitting by the bed at some unknown time.
The other was smiling, yet his whole body was extremely cold.
Liang Sheng was startled into alertness. Seeing the same heartless man from his dream now before him, his heart felt a dull pain. He fearfully pulled the blanket over himself, shrinking into a corner, not daring to think about how he would be tortured.
He was notorious and had brought shame to the Shen family. Shen Xingyu was someone with such strong self-esteem; he definitely wouldn’t let him off easily…
Shen Xingyu looked calmly at the rounded, trembling blanket. He pursed his lips and suddenly sneered.
He walked to the other side of the bed and sat down, then gently pulled the blanket off his little wife and said:
“Fine, stop hiding. Some things have to be resolved eventually. What’s the point of hiding?”
The cold wind that came when the blanket was lifted made Liang Sheng tremble all over. He curled into a ball and timidly poked his head out, stealing a glance at the man with the gentle smile. He found it even more terrifying and shrank his head back.
Shen Xingyu never smiled at him.
Whenever he smiled, nothing good would happen.
The smile in Shen Xingyu’s eyes froze. He suppressed the anger and sense of betrayal in his heart. He pressed his fingers until they made a noise and said softly: “Do you want me to do it myself? If you’re not afraid of pain, you can try.”
Liang Sheng was stunned. Weakly, he climbed up from the bed and knelt on his knees before the man.
His eyes were red. Having just finished his bath, his clothes weren’t put on properly; they were loose, revealing his shoulders and collarbone. Yet he was still immersed in sorrow and didn’t notice at all; instead, he looked as if he were intentionally luring someone.
Shen Xingyu’s eyes narrowed dangerously. He saw the red marks below his collarbone—they were unusually eye-catching.
The bite marks he had originally left had been covered.
As for those new marks…
Heh. He didn’t even need to think; they must belong to that wild man, right?
Shen Xingyu grew even more hateful, twisted and frenzied.
He truly wanted to question this person with all of Su Rao’s words from the warehouse. The matter of the indecent photos—that was also intentional, right? Intentionally using such an extreme method to humiliate and provoke him so he could escape and leave!
Liang Sheng could sense his increasingly cold gaze—he looked like he wanted to kill him. Although he was very afraid, he didn’t dare to dodge for the sake of his purity, lest he be called guilty.
For once, he looked at the man directly, without being submissive or overbearing. His eyes were moist. He suppressed a sob and spoke with a trembling voice:
“Those photos—Su Nian did it. He wanted to frame me, to humiliate me, and have everyone laugh at me.”
“Oh? Is that so?”
Shen Xingyu scoffed, looking interested.
Liang Sheng knew he didn’t believe him. But now, he had nothing but this man to rely on.
He wanted to find out exactly how Su Nian had lured him to the back garden, and who that man lying beside him was… as long as he had this evidence, he would be pure!
“I’m not lying to you. Su Nian has always wanted to replace me, to marry you, and become… Mrs. Shen!”
Liang Sheng was so anxious he was about to cry. He tightly held the man’s hand, his eyes full of pleading. His words were difficult:
“Have someone check the surveillance! You’ll definitely be able to find a clue! I have no idea why I went to the back garden, and I certainly didn’t do anything to betray you! Ayu, I beg you… return my purity to me, okay? I don’t care about my face, but I can’t let Grandfather be humiliated…”
Shen Xingyu pressed his tongue against his cheek. Looking at the person begging him, he only felt annoyed.
In truth, what the truth was no longer mattered.
He only saw Liang Sheng being held by someone else.
Intimate and close, skin touching skin.
It was so eyesore, so disgusting.
Now he was desperately explaining himself—it really confirmed Su Rao’s words! To be able to leave him, leave the Shen family, and be with someone else, he used any means necessary. When did Liang Sheng become like this?
He was silent for a long time. Liang Sheng’s heart trembled. “Shen Xingyu… don’t look at me like that, okay?”
Shen Xingyu suddenly leaned toward him and raised his hand to pinch his chin, smiling cruelly and mockingly:
“The one holding you in those photos—it’s Xie Zhengran, isn’t it? To leave me, you directed and acted in this play. You’ve worked hard. I didn’t expect you to be even more ruthless than me, Shengsheng. You don’t even care about your own purity anymore.”
“W-what are you saying?”
Liang Sheng hadn’t expected him to slander him like this. He couldn’t react for a long time, but tears fell first.
“How could Brother Ran be in Nan City? And how could I… joke around with my own purity?”
By the time he finished, he was trembling all over, and his voice was so choked it had no tone.
Shen Xingyu didn’t want to expose him, nor did he want to continue the humiliation. He instead gave a gentle smile:
“It’s fine. I know you wouldn’t do something like that.”
“What exactly… do you want to do…”
Liang Sheng was almost being tortured to madness. The other party’s ambiguous answer made him panic, unable to guess what Shen Xingyu had thought of him in his heart!
“Nothing. Since it concerns the reputation of the Shen family, I’ll investigate clearly. You don’t need to worry about it.”
Shen Xingyu changed his tone again. It seemed the malice from just now was just a joke he had made.
“Really…?”
Liang Sheng was half-skeptical. It was hard for him to have any more confidence in this man, yet he had no other choice.
“Of course.”
For once, Shen Xingyu’s firm response gave Liang Sheng’s panicked heart a sedative. He collapsed weakly onto the bed, lowering his eyes and curling his lips, smiling with restraint and self-harm. “Okay…”
His look of relief, however, fell into Shen Xingyu’s eyes and became a sign of relief that he wouldn’t continue to pursue the “play” he had directed. This made the gloom in his eyes grow a layer deeper. He stared fixedly at Liang Sheng, his dark pupils filled with unmaskable, crazed possessiveness.
“Can you… hold me?”
A soft plea, carrying a humble hope, made Shen Xingyu freeze. The gloom in his eyes suddenly vanished like smoke, and he looked like a trapped beast—bewildered and lost.
He looked at his red-eyed, pitiful little wife. For some reason, he suddenly forgot his hatred. He raised his stiff hand and paused for a long time, as if struggling. But ultimately, he couldn’t resist Liang Sheng’s tears and pulled him into his arms with a cold face.
Feeling the long-awaited warmth, Liang Sheng let go of all his tension and cried silently. He pressed himself tightly against the man’s chest, afraid it was fake.
Shen Xingyu, however, turned his head away awkwardly. He was truly crazy; why was he doing something so embarrassing?
“Cough, cough…”
Perhaps because he was too sorrowful, Liang Sheng covered his mouth and coughed a few times. Blood surged into his mouth. He hurriedly swallowed it back, but a drop of red still splashed onto the inner button of the man’s shirt.
Shen Xingyu didn’t see it. He frowned in contempt, wanting to scold him, but was interrupted by his weak voice: “Ayu, did you know? You haven’t held me for a long time… and I can’t remember the last time I leaned in your arms like this…”
Translator’s Note:
Su Nian is truly the ultimate “White Lotus”—someone who acts pure and innocent on the outside but is calculating and evil on the inside.
Cultural Notes:
- Worn-out shoe (破鞋 – Pòxié): A very insulting term for a person (usually a woman) who is perceived as promiscuous. In this context, Shen Xingyu’s inner thoughts show his extreme possessiveness and the societal weight of “face.”
- Reverse Scale (逆鱗 – Nìlín): This refers to the one scale on a dragon’s throat that, if touched, causes the dragon to kill. For Shen Xingyu, the idea of Liang Sheng leaving him is his “reverse scale.”
- White Lotus (白蓮花 – Báiliánhuā): As mentioned, Su Nian is the classic example. He acts like a victim while pulling the strings.
- Shao Furen (少夫人): I’ve translated this as “Young Master” to fit the BL setting, but it literally means “Young Madam” or the wife of the young master of the house. It carries a lot of social status.
Stay tuned for the next update!
Recommended Reads
