The Cannon Fodder Lets Loose and Steals the Protagonist Shou chapter 1

Chapter 1: A Dramatic Transmigration — “Can I borrow your bathroom…”

Having just rejected an invitation to “get a room” via text message, Lu Xunye frowned, a flash of impatience crossing his eyes as his fingers swiped up and down the screen.

Suddenly, a furious roar erupted from behind him. His hand trembled, hitting something on the screen by mistake.

“Lu Xunye, you damn scumbag, stand right there!”

Lu Xunye sighed, locked his screen, stuffed the phone into his pocket, and turned around. “My dear Ancestor, haven’t I already told you? I have no feelings for you. Can you please stop clinging to me?”

A young man carrying a cloth bag ran up to Lu Xunye and stopped, bending over with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. His face was flushed red, looking as if he were on the verge of suffocation.

Passersby frequently turned their heads to watch the scene unfolding.

Hearing Lu Xunye’s words, the young man felt utterly humiliated. He pulled a book out of his bag and hurled it forward, but Lu Xunye dodged it with ease.

“You know perfectly well that I like you! Why won’t you reply to my messages?”

Lu Xunye’s expression remained unchanged. “Reply to what? That I should go get a room with you?”

“You want to be with me?” Lu Xunye raised an eyebrow.

Looking at the youth’s clear eyes, now misted over with shame, he curved his lips into a cruel smile. “In broad daylight, running over here looking this pathetic… is this your way of telling me you like me?”

Lu Xunye scoffed. “We’re all adults here. Don’t be so unreasonable. If you want someone to sleep with, don’t come looking for me, alright?”

The surrounding crowd began to whisper. Lu Xunye looked at the young man, who was fighting back tears, and decided not to say anything more harsh. “Alright, go back home.”

With that, he turned to leave. He had just unlocked his screen when the phone suddenly froze and went black.

“F*ck!”

He tapped the phone, wondering if he needed to find a repair shop, when the screen suddenly lit up with an eerie glow. A string of text scrolled past rapidly: “Congratulations on winning the prize. Have a pleasant trip~”

Then, the phone shut down completely.

Which bastard installed a virus on his phone?

At the same time, the person who had been silent behind him suddenly exploded in rage.

“Die, you damn scumbag!”

Lu Xunye turned his head only to be struck square in the forehead by a flying unidentified object.

It wasn’t until he collapsed to the ground that Lu Xunye saw the true face of the book: Domineering Forceful Love: Who Allowed You to BE!

The last thought in Lu Xunye’s mind before losing consciousness was: BE (Bad End) your grandpa!

On the bed, a disheveled young man with a stubbly beard abruptly bolted upright from his sleep. Like a zombie in the apocalypse, his limbs flailed wildly as he rolled and twitched back and forth between the bed and the floor.

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m awake!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the electric current coursing through his body vanished instantly, as if it had all been a dream.

Lu Xunye opened his eyes, initially stunned by the filthy, chaotic state of the room.

The bed beneath him was a mess, cluttered with daily necessities and piles of clothes.

Lu Xunye thought about it for a long time, but he still couldn’t quite accept that he was dead—and that he had transmigrated into a book.

【Congratulations Host on binding the “No BE, Only HE Love-Brain System.” You must obtain two million Love Points to survive. I am System Xiao Ai.】

“You’ve already said that five times.”

He was just about to get out of bed when he looked up and saw the room littered with empty instant food containers and cup noodle buckets. Clothes and socks were scattered everywhere; there was almost nowhere to step.

In an instant, Lu Xunye’s heart turned to ash. “…Just let me die for a while.”

Xiao Ai didn’t understand the request but complied anyway. 【Satisfying Host’s request.】

Electricity surged through his body. Lu Xunye stretched out a hand that shook like he had Parkinson’s, his voice laced with static as he let out a robotic, stuttering sound: “The mission… mentioned before… I accept it, okay?”

The next second, the current filling his limbs disappeared. Lu Xunye felt like he had been granted amnesty. “…Continue speaking.”

This world was a manga adapted from an incredibly clichéd, angst-filled romance novel.

When the Protagonist Gong was a child, his mother took him into hiding to escape pursuit, working as a nanny in the Protagonist Shou’s home. The two protagonists shared a childhood bond, but a single accident caused the plot to spiral into pure drama.

The Protagonist Shou lost his memory and forgot the Protagonist Gong. Meanwhile, due to a misunderstanding, the Protagonist Gong spent three hundred chapters licking the boots of his “White Moonlight” (first love) while physically and mentally abusing the Protagonist Shou.

But in reality, throughout the whole story, the only things that happened were the Protagonist Shou’s family being ruined, his hands being crippled (losing the ability to pursue his dreams), and his body and mind being destroyed until nothing remained. In the end, the Protagonist Gong learned the truth, apologized, and the two of them lived happily ever after in a blissful HE (Happy Ending)!!!

It was a completely sick Happy Ending!

【What you need to do is capture the heart of this world’s Protagonist Shou, Shen Yunqian, obtain two million Love Points, and rewrite the destined death ending.】

Being naturally rebellious, Lu Xunye didn’t want to be ordered around and was about to retort.

But seeing the residual sparks of electricity on his fingers, he swallowed his words and regained his rationality.

“So, you want me to court the Protagonist Shou… does that mean I’m the Protagonist Gong?”

The electronic voice ruthlessly shattered Lu Xunye’s fantasy. 【Look at this room and you’ll know. You are not the Protagonist Gong; you are merely a foot-picking, unkempt slob destined for an early death.】

Xiao Ai continued: 【You are currently a well-known web novelist in this world with countless fans. You are a frenzied simp for a minor celebrity, and you will eventually be scammed out of your money and die.】

It paused, then added: 【Oh, and you’re a simp who simped until the very end, only to simp yourself to death as a gross slob.】

Lu Xunye: “…”

He wouldn’t claim to be handsome enough to incur the wrath of gods, nor that everyone was obsessed with him. But he considered his taste to be fine, and he was definitely handsome and dashing.

How did he become a simp?!

And a gross, foot-picking slob at that?

The situation now was that he had transmigrated into a background character—a passerby simp with only half a sentence of description in the entire book, a cannon fodder destined to die young!

And now he had to go court the Protagonist Shou?!

What kind of ridiculous new-age transmigration law was this?! Didn’t they know the red thread of fate between protagonists was stronger than steel reinforcement bars?

A curse word was stuck in Lu Xunye’s throat, hovering between coming out and staying in.

Xiao Ai chimed: 【Main Mission Triggered: Please strike up a conversation with the Protagonist Shou. Countdown: 30 seconds. Failure penalty: 30 seconds of electrocution.】

Lu Xunye nearly had a heart attack. “Strike up a conversation my ass! Where is the Protagonist Shou? If you want to electrocute me to death just say so, no need to beat around the bush.”

Xiao Ai remained unhurried: 【The Protagonist Shou is your neighbor. Countdown: 25 seconds. Please hurry.】

Lu Xunye didn’t take it too seriously. He casually raked his fingers through the overly long bangs covering his eyes, thinking: This original body is actually quite trendy. Is this a wolf cut?

“I’ll show you what a speedrun looks like.”

Xiao Ai: 【Countdown: 15 seconds.】

Lu Xunye tripped over the garbage on the floor, stumbling and nearly eating dirt.

He sprinted to the door next door. Lu Xunye pressed the doorbell rapidly. Almost without any wait, an exquisite young man wearing casual pajamas opened the door.

The young man possessed an androgynous beauty, looking as if he had walked straight out of a painting. It was a kind of aggressive allure, enchanting like a fox.

But his eyes were as cold and thin as an icy venomous snake, and his aura made people afraid to approach, lest they be tainted by the frost.

Shen Yunqian sized up the person at his door, glancing at the open door across the hall and the “magnificent sight” inside.

Although the two doors weren’t perfectly aligned, if one intended to look, they could more or less see inside.

Shen Yunqian frowned slightly. His gaze lifted, landing back on the man who was half a head taller than him. His tone was cold: “Do you need something?”

Even Lu Xunye, who had seen countless beauties, was filled with awe upon seeing this “Protagonist Shou,” dropping the casual attitude he had shown the system.

Perhaps because it was his first time doing something like this, he stammered a bit, asking without thinking:

“I… I… uh, my water heater is broken. Can I borrow your bathroom?”

Shen Yunqian looked him up and down, then ruthlessly said: “No.”

Then, he shut the door directly.

Luckily, Lu Xunye dodged quickly, or the door would have hit him in the face. He rubbed his nose in lingering fear. “Some Protagonist Shou! No manners at all.”

Xiao Ai couldn’t help but complain: 【It’s because you are too ugly. The Protagonist Shou was already very polite.】

“Bullsh*t!” Lu Xunye rolled his eyes. “What kind of taste does your creator have?”

Xiao Ai: 【…】

【Mission Failed. Love Points not acquired. Punishment countdown: Three, two…】

“Wait!” Lu Xunye didn’t understand. “How did I fail?”

Xiao Ai: 【Because the Protagonist Shou did not generate a favorable impression of you. Love Points acquisition failed.】

Hearing this, Lu Xunye laughed. “Who said my mission failed?!”

“You said ‘strike up a conversation with the Protagonist Shou,’ correct?”

Xiao Ai paused for a moment before replying: 【Correct.】

“Then let me ask you,” Lu Xunye nitpicked the wording, “Did I strike up a conversation?”

Xiao Ai had to admit: 【…You did.】

“I’ll forgive you this time. Now scram.”

Lu Xunye waved his hand. As he stood back in front of his own door, he changed his tune. “Before you scram, can you clean this place up?”

Xiao Ai: 【…】

Lu Xunye happened to spot the corner of a mirror sticking out from the pile of trash. Reflected in the mirror was an extremely unfamiliar “homeless man.”

He didn’t think much of it and turned his head around, only to find the corridor behind him empty.

In a flash of realization, an earth-shattering guess hit him: “This person… surely that isn’t me?”

Xiao Ai: 【Correct.】

Lu Xunye cupped his face in his hands. Watching the person in the mirror mimic the action, he fell into silence.

After a long while, a long, echoing sound resonated through the quiet, empty corridor: “F*ck.”

A few days later.

Having cut that eyesore of hair and shaved his beard clean, Lu Xunye looked at the closet full of clothes and the spotless floor and walls.

He sighed with satisfaction: “Now this is refreshing.”

【Pfft.】 Xiao Ai scoffed.

“Hey, let me ask you something.” Lu Xunye remembered something. “You said my body in my original world was smashed to death by someone. Will the person who threw the book go to jail?”

【They won’t.】 Xiao Ai said proudly. 【To sever the karmic ties between the Host and the original world, this System personally took action! I wiped the matter clean. In everyone’s eyes, you simply died of a heart attack.】

Hearing the system say this, Lu Xunye clutched his chest, feeling like he was about to have a heart attack. “You really know how to spout nonsense. I get a physical exam every year, and my body is in peak condition! Put me in a field, and I can plow faster than a bull!”

Xiao Ai chuckled: 【As long as you’re happy.】

Lu Xunye was exasperated. “I’m warning you, this is slander!”

This time, no matter what he said, the system didn’t make a sound. Lu Xunye: “…”

He suddenly fell into deep thought. He was a web novel god now! Wouldn’t that mean he was worth over a hundred million?

At the very least, he should have tens of millions in savings, right?

Although he had bought “some” things and thrown away a “ton” of things, the money spent couldn’t compare to his savings.

He excitedly sat up in bed, unlocked his phone with his fingerprint, and eagerly went to check the balance on his card. Ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, hundred thousands, millions…

There was nothing.

The number that replaced his expectations stung Lu Xunye’s eyes.

216.32 Yuan.

???

!!!

He closed his eyes and opened them again. The number remained unchanged. “Who stole my money?!”

【The original owner transferred money to his Goddess every month,】 the system, who had been playing dead, suddenly spoke up.

The fire of rage burned in Lu Xunye’s eyes. “Who is my Goddess?!”

【Apologies, insufficient points. You do not have permission to query the original plot.】

【…】 Xiao Ai added, 【1 point can be exchanged for 100 currency in this world.】

One hundred times… two million points.

Two hundred million!

Lu Xunye held his phone, his eyes lighting up. A trivial mission—let’s go!

Thinking this, he immediately got up, threw off his pajamas, and changed into a white short-sleeved shirt, light blue jeans, and put on a pair of black semi-rimless glasses. A perfect, sunny male college student.

Lu Xunye knocked on the door for a long time. When there was no response from inside, he called out to the system in his mind: “Is the Protagonist Shou home?”

Xiao Ai replied coldly: 【Points are zero. No permission to query.】

“You!” Just as Lu Xunye was about to retort, a “Ding—” sounded from the other end of the corridor.

The elevator doors opened, followed immediately by the sound of footsteps getting closer.

He turned his head sideways. A young man with an upright posture, carrying a drawing board on his back and a canvas bag in his hand, was walking toward him.

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