Chapter 80
“Chi Aibei.”
Chi Aibei pulled Lin Xiu along, stomping forward in a huff. He didn’t look back or say a word, seemingly entering a total rampage mode.
He ignored Lin Xiu’s calls until Lin Xiu pulled him back firmly. “Do you even know where you’re going? You’re walking the wrong way.”
Chi Aibei was yanked to a halt, but he still refused to turn around.
Lin Xiu walked around to face him. Seeing the boy so angry that tears were pitter-pattering down his face, he let out a sigh. “What are you so angry about?”
Chi Aibei lifted his head and shouted, “She said such awful things! Why aren’t you angry?”
Lin Xiu wiped the tears from the boy’s face. “That’s right. I’m not even angry, so why are you?”
Chi Aibei sounded like he was stubbornly mimicking him. “I’m already angry! Why aren’t you?”
Lin Xiu was a bit disappointed in Lin Ning, but not excessively so. After all, he hadn’t expected anything from her from the very beginning. Her words had less impact on him than the sight of Chi Aibei barging in to defend him.
This was the first time Lin Xiu had seen Chi Aibei this furious. The boy’s tears were falling uncontrollably; no matter how much he wiped, they wouldn’t stop.
Lin Xiu leaned down, placing his hands on Aibei’s shoulders to meet his gaze at eye level. “Chi Aibei, why exactly do you care so much about my affairs? Is it because you find me pitiful? Do you sympathize with me? Or is it something else?”
Chi Aibei sobbed, “It’s not pity. My heart just aches for you.”
Lin Xiu tightened his grip on the boy’s shoulders, his tone calm as if he were soothing a throwing a tantrum. “No one feels heartache for another person for no reason. You say your heart aches for me, but if it’s not because I’m pitiful, then why?”
This question clearly exceeded Chi Aibei’s current capacity for thought. He looked at Lin Xiu blankly.
Why?
Ever since he arrived here, he had treated taking care of Lin Xiu as a responsibility. But that wasn’t the reason for his anger. Just as he was about to grasp an answer, someone suddenly called out Lin Xiu’s name.
Li Chun had come out to buy milk tea and saw the two of them standing there from a distance. They looked like they were in the middle of a fight.
Li Chun ran over and saw the tear stains on Chi Aibei’s face. “What’s going on? Lin Xiu, how did you make him cry?”
Lin Xiu looked at the approaching Li Chun with frustration. The kid was clearly on the verge of an epiphany, and her interference had likely ruined it.
Li Chun belatedly realized she might have arrived at a bad time. She stuffed a cup of milk tea into Chi Aibei’s hands. “Don’t cry, okay? Drinking something sweet will make you feel better. I have things to do, so I’ll head out first. You two don’t fight, alright? We’re in public. Lin Xiu, don’t bully the kid.”
As Li Chun walked away, Chi Aibei’s non-stop tears finally ceased at some point. He sniffled, looked at the milk tea in his hand, and held it up to Lin Xiu. “Brother, do you want a sip?”
Lin Xiu: “…” As expected, the epiphany was gone.
In the afternoon, Zhuang Yuan returned. He dragged his suitcase into the dorm only to find Chi Aibei sitting there in a daze.
Zhuang Yuan: “Why are you in the dorm? Didn’t you say you had rehearsals?”
Chi Aibei was also surprised by Zhuang Yuan’s sudden return. “Why are you back early?”
Zhuang Yuan replied, “My parents aren’t home these past couple of days. It was boring staying there by myself, so I came back. What’s up with you? You look so depressed.”
Zhuang Yuan leaned in to inspect him. “Have you been crying?”
Chi Aibei turned his head away. “No.”
Zhuang Yuan’s gossip radar went off. “Did you fight with Lin Xiu?”
Chi Aibei: “No.”
Zhuang Yuan: “Then what’s wrong? Where’s Lin Xiu? Why are you alone in the dorm?”
Chi Aibei: “Brother has Student Union business.”
Zhuang Yuan crossed his arms and leaned against the bed frame. “Not going to talk to me about it? You look like you’re about to burst from holding it in.”
Chi Aibei glanced at him. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone else.”
Zhuang Yuan raised three fingers. “I swear.”
Chi Aibei had wracked his brain but couldn’t find an answer. He gave Zhuang Yuan a filtered version of what happened today, glossing over the specific details regarding Lin Ning.
“Tell me, how can there be a ‘why’ for something like this? Isn’t it normal to feel bad for him when you see him being wronged? You’d feel the same way if it were you, right?”
Zhuang Yuan raised an eyebrow. Lin Xiu was finally stepping up—had he actually asked such a question? Was he finally unable to hold back and making his move?
Zhuang Yuan looked at Chi Aibei, who had trapped himself in a dead end, and shook his head. “No. I might sympathize with him, think he’s pitiful, or even just watch the drama unfold. But I definitely wouldn’t feel ‘heartache.’ Unless it’s someone I care about deeply, why would I meddle in their business? You wouldn’t feel heartache for just any stranger you see getting wronged on the street, would you?”
Chi Aibei froze. “He’s my brother. It’s not wrong for me to care about him.”
Zhuang Yuan snorted. “What kind of ‘brother’ is he? You’re not related by blood or marriage. Stop trying to adopt relatives. At the end of the day, you’re just people who happened to meet. Without some kind of ‘special relationship’ as a foundation, on what grounds do you have to feel heartache for him?”
Chi Aibei stared at Zhuang Yuan. “Then… then…”
Seeing him stutter for ages, Zhuang Yuan lost patience. “Just admit it. You simply like him.”
Chi Aibei hurriedly denied it. “No, don’t talk nonsense.”
Zhuang Yuan narrowed his eyes and leaned in. “Nonsense? Are you sure it’s nonsense? Then why did you run off so fast that time I said he might be dating? I thought you’d figured it out back then. Are you still leaving things hanging?”
Chi Aibei: “…”
Zhuang Yuan: “Then it’s even weirder. If you haven’t realized you like him, why were you avoiding him so much before the holiday?”
Chi Aibei said, “I wasn’t.”
Zhuang Yuan: “Like hell you weren’t! You used to lie on his bed all day, practically wishing you were physically attached to him. Since that day, you haven’t stepped foot on his bed, and you don’t go to the showers with him anymore. You’re being so obvious about avoiding him—do you think I’m blind?”
Chi Aibei was stunned. “Is it… is it that obvious?”
Zhuang Yuan rolled his eyes. “It’s not too obvious—it’s just at the level where even Wu Yue could see it.”
If even Wu Yue could see it, did that mean Lin Xiu saw it too?
Chi Aibei felt like his soul had left his body.
After that day, Chi Aibei hadn’t known what was wrong with him. He didn’t dare lie on the same bed as Lin Xiu as carelessly as before. He had indeed been trying to maintain a proper distance on purpose; he just thought no one would notice.
Zhuang Yuan: “My dear, sometimes a person needs to be more open. If you don’t claim what you like for yourself, it might become someone else’s.”
Chi Aibei struggled for a long time, still unable to wrap his head around it. “But…”
Zhuang Yuan: “But what?”
Chi Aibei furrowed his brows in distress. “But we clash positions!”
Chi Aibei had to go back to rehearsal. After he left, Zhuang Yuan stood alone in the room for a long time…
What did he just say?
…Clash positions?
For the first time, Zhuang Yuan felt unfamiliar with the meaning of the term “clashing positions.”
Did “clashing positions” mean what he thought it meant? If so, who did Chi Aibei think he was clashing with?
How on earth did he conclude that Lin Xiu shared his “position”? Could it be that the little squirt was actually a Top?
Zhuang Yuan had been gay for so many years, but this was the first time he’d misjudged someone. Him? Small body, but no small ambition!
Once Zhuang Yuan snapped out of it, he sent a text to Chi Aibei:
[My dear, take it from me: a ‘Kawaii’ really isn’t suited to be a Top!]
Translator’s Note: “Heartache” (心疼 – xīnténg) is a very specific term in Chinese. It’s more than just feeling sorry; it implies a deep, painful empathy often associated with love. “Clashing positions” (撞号 – zhuàng hào) is slang in the Danmei/Gay community. It means two people have the same preference (usually both being “Bottoms” or both “Tops”), making them romantically incompatible in a traditional sense. Aibei’s misunderstanding is hilarious because he thinks Lin Xiu is also a “Bottom.”
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