Chapter 8: Peach Blossom Calamity
“Shifu, what should I do now? Prince Li is clearly driven mad by the poison; he most likely won’t let me go,” Shen Lanqing said with a frown.
In reality, this room couldn’t hold him at all. If he wanted to run, he could leave at any time.
However, he could run, but the rest of the Shen family couldn’t. The family business couldn’t run either. He couldn’t very well make his entire extended family become fugitives with him.
Shen Lanqing complained, “The capital is so big, why did he have to run into my house?”
Because the World Consciousness is correcting the plot. Even if you stay indoors at home, you cannot avoid meeting the other protagonist.
Yun Wuxiang lowered his eyes. “Calamity cannot be avoided.”
“I will help you overcome this tribulation.”
“Thank you, Shifu. It’s good to have you covering for me.”
Shen Lanqing’s depressed mood instantly cleared up upon hearing Yun Wuxiang’s words. He smiled happily, his jade-like face showing the high spirits of one who hadn’t yet been ground down by suffering, as well as a childlike closeness to an elder. His eyes were full of trust and admiration.
After his moment of joy, Shen Lanqing’s smile suddenly faded. He looked at the little person on the table with concern. “Shifu, will you be affected by helping me overcome this tribulation? Like those fortune tellers who always say that interfering in someone else’s fate leads to backlash, depleting both Qi and blood, and shortening one’s lifespan.”
Yun Wuxiang’s heart softened, and a hint of imperceptible warmth entered his tone. “I won’t.”
Lanqing, this child, is so filial and sensible. No wonder he can be the protagonist. It’s just that his character is too good, which is why he gets bullied by bad people.
Shen Lanqing looked at him suspiciously and pressed, “Really? You’re not lying to me on purpose, right?”
“If something happens to you because you helped me, Shifu, I will blame myself for the rest of my life.”
Yun Wuxiang: “Rest assured, I have already found a scapegoat. He is a person guilty of unpardonable evil.”
If his guess about Song Yilou’s identity was correct, the term “unpardonable evil” would be an understatement for him.
To change the plot without being discovered by the World Consciousness, it was best to have a more conspicuous bug out in front to attract its attention. Song Yilou, who had delivered himself to the door, was perfect for this.
Hearing that he already had a plan, Shen Lanqing was completely relieved. “That’s good then. Shifu is amazing as always.”
“Does Shifu also have no way to cure the poison in Prince Li?”
Yun Wuxiang slowly shook his head. “Poison Gu is not my area of expertise.”
Even if he had a way, he wouldn’t detoxify Prince Li at this time. The poison in the Protagonist Gong was one of the main threads running through the entire book. If such a cornerstone element had problems, it would definitely attract the attention of the World Consciousness.
At that time, perhaps another poison would appear, or an accident would happen during the detoxification process. The variables were too great.
The poison in Prince Li could not be touched.
Yun Wuxiang: “You need not think too much about this matter. That poison is also Prince Li’s tribulation; it is inconvenient for me to interfere.”
Hearing the word “tribulation,” Shen Lanqing immediately changed his tune. “Then it’s better to just ignore him.”
Yun Wuxiang: “Additionally, from today onwards, do not mention our master-disciple relationship in front of outsiders. Once the Heavenly Dao takes notice, I will not be able to protect you from the shadows.”
Although Shen Lanqing didn’t fully understand, he felt it was serious and nodded solemnly. “I understand. Then how should I address you in the future, Shifu?”
Yun Wuxiang: “Call me Guanzhu.”
Shen Lanqing switched forms of address in a second. “Okay, Guanzhu.”
“By the way, Shifu… uh, Guanzhu, I’ve actually collected quite a few rare prescriptions and medicinal herbs over the years, as well as many strange and peculiar items. They are in the courtyard with the pomegranate tree at the old residence. If you have time, go take a look and see if there’s anything you can use.”
This child is truly filial. Yun Wuxiang’s master-disciple affection, which had been dormant for over ten years, continued to warm up after meeting his disciple. He felt increasingly fortunate that he had woken up in time.
“I accept the sentiment, but there is no need for the items. Eleven is just one crane; it cannot carry them.”
One or two items would be fine, but if there were too many, he wouldn’t be able to fool 3339.
Thinking of this, Yun Wuxiang said, “Leave the items for now. We can discuss these things after you have passed your tribulation.”
Shen Lanqing thought about it and agreed. His Master had long achieved success in cultivation and possessed eternal youth. A single seclusion session lasted over a decade; waiting a bit longer shouldn’t be anything to him.
“I’ll listen to Shifu.”
Shen Lanqing then became curious again. “Shifu, what kind of tribulation have I encountered? Can you tell me? What will happen if I don’t pass it?”
Yun Wuxiang’s expression turned slightly cold as he sneered, “Peach Blossom Calamity. If you don’t pass it: meridians broken inch by inch, legs broken, eyes blinded, internal organs damaged, mind and spirit greatly injured. You will wish for life but cannot obtain it, wish for death but cannot achieve it.”
Shen Lanqing, who hadn’t cared much when he first heard the words “Peach Blossom Calamity,” had a look of horror in his eyes by the end of the sentence. Goosebumps rose all over his body as he lost his voice, “What kind of hellish Peach Blossom is this? It’s fatal?!”
Thinking of his current situation and the Five-Color Cloud Mushroom Yun Wuxiang mentioned earlier, a white light flashed in Shen Lanqing’s mind as he connected the dots to a possibility. “That ghostly Peach Blossom… could it be Prince Li?”
Yun Wuxiang nodded slightly, giving an affirmative answer.
Shen Lanqing’s tongue was a bit tied. “But… but he’s a man.”
“A Peach Blossom Calamity does not distinguish between men and women.”
Yun Wuxiang instructed, “Stay far away from him in the future. If his poison flares up, knock him unconscious, tie him up, and put him aside.”
“If the two of you are alone in a room under the influence of an aphrodisiac, and it reaches the point where you must engage in intercourse…” A ruthless look flashed across Yun Wuxiang’s eyes.
“Strike first to gain the upper hand. Do not force yourself to hold back. Once the drug takes effect, you will be at the mercy of others.”
Shen Lanqing listened seriously at first, nodding in agreement, but was dumbfounded when he heard the word “aphrodisiac.”
By the last sentence, the child was completely bewildered, stuttering, “Huh? …No, why? Me and Prince Li…”
Yun Wuxiang didn’t feel there was anything wrong with his words and continued, “Although it is unfair to Prince Li, it is better than you getting hurt. Under the influence of the poison, Prince Li is extremely violent in matters of intimacy.”
Shen Lanqing shut his mouth completely. Although the things his Master said were a bit awkward… his Master was doing it for his own good. But…
“Shifu, I understand what you mean, but Prince Li is a man, and I am also a man. How do we… I haven’t learned…” Shen Lanqing’s voice became smaller and smaller, ending like the buzz of a mosquito.
Older Virgin Yun Wuxiang: “…”
He didn’t know about this stuff either; the original novel just faded to black.
According to 3339, the original author wrote the book during a period of strict censorship (“river crab period”). All descriptions related to bed matters consisted of extensive foreplay, with not a single word about the main event.
In the early stages, every time the Protagonist Gong was with the Protagonist Shou, it was during a fit of madness. After each time, the Protagonist Shou would be left covered in injuries.
Recalling the descriptions in the original novel of the Protagonist Shou’s miserable state after intimacy, Yun Wuxiang directly kicked Prince Li out of the Gong candidacy. living life this poorly, he might as well let his disciple take the role.
It was a perfect opportunity to see if there was a way to have the best of both worlds—changing a part of the plot without affecting the mission completion.
Having finally gotten a chance to go home, how could he be reconciled if he didn’t try?
But how could he let his disciple turn the tables and become the Gong if he didn’t even understand this?
Yun Wuxiang maintained his image as the omnipotent and reliable Master on the surface and said calmly, “I will find a Dual Cultivation manual and send it to you later. Before that, go find some illustrated books yourself to understand.”
Coincidentally, he had just stuffed a Dual Cultivation manual back onto the shelf not long ago.
But that one wasn’t very good. Again, how could a cultivation method with no aptitude requirements be anything good?
He seemed to recall seeing a few others when browsing the Library Pavilion before. He would go back and look for them first.
Shen Lanqing’s ears were red through and through, his toes gripping the ground. He was so ashamed he couldn’t speak, only able to nod.
At this moment, footsteps approached from outside the door.
Yun Wuxiang sped up his speech. “I cannot appear before others. Be careful during this time. If Prince Li wants your blood, agree for now. Three to five drops at a time is enough; do not give more. Eat more blood-replenishing foods to maintain your stamina.”
The last sentence about maintaining stamina was naturally so he would have the strength to take the lead at the critical moment.
Yun Wuxiang believed that part of the reason the Protagonist Shou in the original novel—a healthy male—was easily suppressed by a Prince who had been poisoned for years and was clearly not in great shape, was because he had been drained of too much blood and was weak.
Yun Wuxiang: “Are you wearing the Green Dragon Jade Bangle I gave you?”
Shen Lanqing raised his hand to reveal the green jade bangle on his wrist. “I’ve been wearing it the whole time; I haven’t taken it off.”
“If you encounter a desperate situation, smash it. I will know.”
The little Yun Wuxiang left his final instruction and transformed back into talismans, scattering onto the table.
Shen Lanqing hurriedly put away the talismans. After he tidied his clothes, the door opened, and a figure stepped into the room. A solemn black python robe accentuated a tall and upright figure. Paired with a face that was slightly pale yet extremely stunning, and sharp phoenix eyes that swept over, the aura of imperial nobility hit one in the face.
The Protagonist Shou, who in the original novel had been forcibly captured and was hiding fear beneath his anger, was currently stealing glances at the “Peach Blossom Calamity” before him, his ears turning even redder.
Instantly recalling the miserable ends described by Yun Wuxiang, Shen Lanqing shuddered. When he looked at Prince Li’s face again, he felt as if he had seen a ghost.
Okay, I’m sober now.
He didn’t want broken legs, blindness, missing organs, and a life worse than death.
No matter how good-looking the Peach Blossom Calamity was, it was still a calamity, not a destined match.
…
[Host, you’re awake. Did you sleep well?]
Yun Wuxiang’s consciousness returned to his body. He opened his eyes, and 3339’s lively voice rang in his mind.
[Mhm, I slept very well.]
Yun Wuxiang sat up. His gaze focused, and with a dark expression, he plucked an unknown mottled insect from the edge of his inner robe’s collar.
[Wah! There’s a bug!] 3339 curled up in the sea of consciousness, covering its eyes and shivering. It was most afraid of bugs.
True Qi flowed through his fingers, and the mottled insect turned into dust and fly ash.
Yun Wuxiang flicked his fingers lightly. [There are a bit more bugs lately. It’s probably time for a cleaning. Let’s go check the library first; books are quite afraid of insect damage.]
Using the excuse of cleaning the Library Pavilion, Yun Wuxiang went through all the cultivation manuals roughly. Along the way, he discovered dozens of different species of insects, providing ample justification for his cleaning efforts.
[So many bugs got into the Library Pavilion. Is it because the weather is getting warmer? Host, there’s a spider over there. It’s colorful; it seems poisonous!] 3339 warned nervously.
[Mhm, I saw it.]
Yun Wuxiang flicked a finger, casting a spell, and the colorful poisonous spider was instantly annihilated.
On the other side, Song Yilou sensed the connection with his Gu worms breaking one by one. Prickling pain came from all over his body. His movement of playing with a dagger suddenly paused.
“Scorpion Envoy, it seems many of your Gu have died.” At Song Yilou’s feet, a man covered in blood grinned, staring at Song Yilou with a pair of cold, venomous eyes.
Song Yilou smiled, bent down, and plunged the dagger in his hand into the man’s neck.
The man had a hideous, crooked scar on his face that resembled a dried-up centipede. With the stab, not much blood flowed from the wound, but the scar began to twist and bulge like a living thing.
The tattoo on Song Yilou’s neck also began to bulge. A corner of his skin lifted, and a scorpion crawled out from under the tattoo, crawling down Song Yilou’s arm holding the knife.
The man, who had shown no fear even after being stabbed in the neck, had his pupils constrict upon seeing the scorpion. His muscles instantly tensed, and his jaws clenched tight.
“Yes, many of my Gu died. The Guanzhu doesn’t know how to cherish beauty at all; the ones I left behind were all beauties among Gu worms,” Song Yilou complained in a lazy tone.
He glanced down indifferently. “Although your Gu is ugly and its power is average—a bit subpar even for food—since I’ve lost so many Gu and feel hungry, I can’t be picky and will just have to eat some defective goods.”
As he spoke, the poisonous scorpion had already crawled into the man’s wound and burrowed into his flesh and blood. A bulge rose from under the skin, moving toward the scar on his face.
The scar and the bulge collided with each other, as if two ferocious creatures were fighting under the skin. The man’s features became abnormally distorted.
Amidst the man’s wails, Song Yilou took out a bronze mirror and admired his own face. “The Guanzhu seems to quite like these few moles.”
He poked them several times while I was sleeping.
The man’s cries of pain gradually weakened. Before long, the poisonous scorpion crawled out of the corpse that died with eyes wide open. Its color was a shade darker and gloomier than before.
The poisonous scorpion slowly crawled back to the side of Song Yilou’s neck and transformed back into a static tattoo.
“Finally, I can go back and play with the Guanzhu… urgh…” Song Yilou covered his mouth. After his throat bobbed a few times, he lowered his hand and stuck out his tongue.
“Oh my, seems I ate a bit too much.”
Author’s Note:
Yun Wuxiang: A model of a theoretical giant in reversing positions (becoming the Top).
Song Yilou: A model of a human shield delivering himself to the door.
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