Chapter 194: You Are My Medicine (19)
Xiao Ji paused his work and looked at Chen Yinnian.
“What do you mean? He insulted you, so he should apologize. Isn’t that only right?”
But to his surprise, Chen Yinnian suddenly said:
“Brother, you know he didn’t insult me.”
Xiao Ji raised an eyebrow but didn’t speak.
Chen Yinnian opened his mouth. “I’m having a rare moment of lucidity. No one knows better than he and I that he didn’t say a word.”
Xiao Ji gave a puzzled “oh.” “Is that so? Then why did you hit him?”
Chen Yinnian licked his lips.
“Yesterday, when I saw him, for a moment his face overlapped with Chen Yu’s.”
“Those things I told you… they were all lies. He didn’t say them; Chen Yu said them all those years ago.”
“He was innocent. I’m the one who should be apologizing. So why would he come here and lie through his teeth just to apologize to me?”
Chen Yinnian gazed at Xiao Ji, his clear eyes shimmering with moisture, looking quite pitiable.
“Chen Ni wouldn’t do something like this. You made him come and apologize, didn’t you?”
Xiao Ji was actually quite surprised.
Since that morning, he had assumed Chen Yinnian was deliberately pretending to be normal.
He hadn’t expected that Chen Yinnian was actually truly lucid right now.
Xiao Ji was momentarily at a loss for words, so he resorted to stubborn bias:
“The fact that he made you remember those painful memories makes it his fault. He owes you an apology.”
Chen Yinnian was amused by Xiao Ji’s Siberia-level favoritism.
“You’re being completely unreasonable. I’m the one who’s sick. How can you be like this—spoiling me yourself and then forcing everyone else to do the same?”
Xiao Ji leaned against the dining table, facing Chen Yinnian.
He stared at him. “Shouldn’t I spoil you?”
Chen Yinnian met his gaze. He suddenly felt a pang of sadness. Though he was still smiling, his voice began to tremble uncontrollably:
“I thought you were only doing all those things because I was a patient… to placate me.”
Xiao Ji spoke bluntly: “My attitude toward you wouldn’t change whether you were ill or not.”
Chen Yinnian didn’t understand. He tried to keep his tone light. “Why? Xiao Ji, surely you haven’t actually fallen in love with a bipolar patient, have you?”
Xiao Ji stared at him for a long time before reaching out his index finger and pressing it beneath Chen Yinnian’s eye.
The tiny tear that had been pooling in Chen Yinnian’s eye finally rolled down.
Xiao Ji wiped it away with his thumb. “You can feel it, can’t you?”
Although Xiao Ji had never explicitly said he loved him…
Chen Yinnian could indeed feel it.
Xiao Ji’s companionship, his indulgence, his unconditional bias, and his bottomless patience—they were all blatant forms of favoritism.
Chen Yinnian felt he didn’t deserve Xiao Ji, nor did he deserve his love.
But he didn’t want to argue with him during this rare moment of clarity.
He didn’t want to hold Xiao Ji back, yet he was terrified of losing him.
He moved closer to Xiao Ji and tucked himself into his embrace. Grabbing Xiao Ji’s hand and placing it on his waist, he said with a hint of guilt on Xiao Ji’s behalf:
“I’m sorry, Brother. If I’ve ever said anything to hurt you, I swear I didn’t mean it.”
Xiao Ji tightened his arms and kissed his temple.
“I know. I won’t take it to heart.”
“But Chen Yinnian, you have to take your medicine and see your doctor properly. You need to get better soon.”
Chen Yinnian knew his condition was serious. Many things he could remember now would be forgotten once an episode hit.
In those few seconds, everything that had happened since meeting Xiao Ji played on a loop in his mind.
Every look from Xiao Ji, every word, every act of indulgence—they were all like an addictive and lethal drug to him.
He knew deep down that if his state didn’t improve, no one could stay with him forever. Even someone like Xiao Ji might not be able to hold out for long.
But humans are selfish creatures who crave warmth.
The words to push him away hovered on the tip of his tongue several times but never came out. In the end, he only managed to voice the one thing he was least sure of, his voice full of plea:
“I’ll get better, Brother. Don’t leave me.”
Xiao Ji wouldn’t make any grand vows of eternal love, but he didn’t hesitate for a second when faced with Chen Yinnian’s plea.
He simply promised with calm certainty:
“Okay.”
Whether in a manic or depressive phase, Chen Yinnian was extremely resistant to medical treatment when his symptoms were prominent, and found it difficult to communicate normally with doctors.
Since he was in a rare good state, he proactively asked Xiao Ji to take him to see a doctor the next morning.
After a full two-hour session, a series of physical exams, and a change in two of his medications, Chen Yinnian felt incredibly light, as if everything was finally moving in the right direction.
His mood improved even more as he watched Xiao Ji collect his prescription and communicate with the doctor with extreme seriousness regarding several precautions.
Xiao Ji turned around to find him grinning. He pinched his cheek.
“What are you smiling about?”
Chen Yinnian stuffed his hand into Xiao Ji’s pocket, gave “Teacher Xiao” a little secret greeting, and whispered:
“You looked so handsome just now, worrying over me like that.”
Xiao Ji grasped his wrist and pulled his hand out of the pocket.
“Thank you for the compliment.”
Treatment for mental and psychological disorders in Jinsha was considered quite advanced.
The environment of this private specialty hospital was also quite pleasant.
Xiao Ji had intended to leave immediately, but Chen Yinnian stopped him.
He simply said, “I want to look around.”
Xiao Ji knew what he left unsaid: if the day came when Xiao Ji could no longer tolerate him, a long-term hospital stay might be his ultimate destination.
He wanted to see it in advance. Jinsha was nice—at least it was closer to Xiao Ji than Hong Kong.
If Xiao Ji still remembered him, it would be more convenient for him to visit occasionally.
Xiao Ji didn’t say a word, allowing Chen Yinnian to lead him by the hand as they wandered through the hospital.
Before long, Chen Yinnian stopped and fixed his gaze on a patient in hospital scrubs nearby.
Xiao Ji stood behind him, following his gaze.
The patient was jumping around excitedly and cursing. It looked like he was about to attack another patient nearby before he was forcibly restrained and taken away by several medical staff.
Chen Yinnian stared at the patient’s retreating back. After a long while, he let out a “tsk” and asked Xiao Ji:
“Do I look that ugly when I have an episode?”
Xiao Ji denied it. “No. You look very handsome when you fight—brave and invincible.”
Chen Yinnian suddenly burst out laughing. “Is your filter for me just that thick?”
Xiao Ji knew what he was worried about. He gripped his fingers and kissed the back of his hand.
“You won’t be living here. None of this has anything to do with you.”
“Chen Yinnian, health is a blessing, but there’s no need to fear illness. No matter what you’re like, I will love you.”
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