【Orange × Nan Xi】 Leaving with Dignity
Nan Xi never imagined that Orange would ask such a question.
He had always thought his feelings for Wen Ran were suppressed and subtle enough that even Wen Ran himself wouldn’t know.
But how did Orange know?
Before Nan Xi could answer, Orange continued, “I was tidying up the medicine just now and accidentally saw this.”
“Wen Ran has one exactly like it.”
Orange spoke with a trace of bitterness, “You like Wen Ran, don’t you?”
Nan Xi didn’t know how to respond. The answer that was previously so certain felt impossible to voice when he saw the look of pain on Orange’s face.
After a pause, he finally nodded.
That most unlikely answer hit Orange like a heavy blow to the head; he could barely remain standing.
He struggled to steady himself so he wouldn’t collapse onto the floor.
Nan Xi liked Wen Ran, and Senior Wind liked Wen Ran too. Orange didn’t know what kind of curse he was under—every person he liked ended up liking Wen Ran. Yet, Wen Ran happened to be his best friend.
Orange admitted that Wen Ran was wonderful. Although his tongue was a bit sharp, he was truly sincere toward others.
But he was truly a bit jealous—jealous that everyone he liked was fond of Wen Ran.
He was jealous that Nan Xi’s eyes held only Wen Ran and would never have room for him.
Orange didn’t even know how to face Wen Ran now. He knew it wasn’t Wen Ran’s fault for being liked, but the pain and awkwardness in his heart couldn’t be easily dispelled.
Orange dug his fingers into his palms, pressing so hard he nearly shed tears, just to steady his voice. “But Wen Ran has a boyfriend.”
“He and Senior Wind are doing very well together.”
“Your feelings might have to stay hidden for a lifetime,” Orange said, looking at Nan Xi. “Even so, are you going to keep liking him?”
Nan Xi didn’t answer that question. Instead, he said, “Wen Ran and I have known each other for a long time. When I was helpless and lost, he stayed with me for a month and a half.”
“So, that’s why you like him.”
Orange gave a self-deprecating laugh. “And I don’t stand a single chance.”
Seeing Orange like this made Nan Xi feel miserable. He cared about Orange’s emotions far more than he had imagined.
Nan Xi wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how to speak.
“When you were helpless, Wen Ran stayed with you for a month and a half,” Orange finally couldn’t stop his tears from falling. “But didn’t I stay with you through two entire seasons of losing streaks?”
“Two seasons, half a year, one hundred and eighty days,” Orange choked out. “I can’t compete with someone who got there first.”
He was like a helpless cat right now, not knowing where he should wander to next.
Orange cast a deep look at Nan Xi. “Jian Yu, if I had met you a little earlier, would you have liked me?”
Nan Xi remained silent for a long time before slowly opening his mouth. “I…”
“Wait!” Orange eventually interrupted him. “Don’t say it.”
He didn’t want to hear a even more cruel answer.
If Nan Xi didn’t say it, he could still lie to himself.
He could pretend it was just because the timing was wrong.
He placed the lucky bead back on the table. “Sorry.”
Nan Xi watched his back and said with great guilt, “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Orange sniffled. “You just don’t like me. It’s not your fault.”
Nan Xi grew anxious and blurted out, “An Chenxia, don’t blindly—”
The word “imagine” hadn’t even left his lips before Orange interrupted again.
“Don’t worry, I won’t go around telling others. I’ll treat everything from today as if it never happened.”
Seeing Nan Xi’s frowning, anxious face, Orange naturally assumed Nan Xi was worried he would tell Wen Ran and ruin their friendship.
It felt like a knife being twisted in his heart.
He forced out a smile that looked more painful than crying. “Besides, Wen Ran and I are good friends. Why would I hurt a friend?”
With that, Orange rushed out of the room without looking back. Nan Xi wanted to explain that he didn’t think that way, but he didn’t know what status he could use to chase after him.
His heart throbbed with a dull pain, as if it were being struck. He realized he truly cared about Orange.
In the past, it was true that he liked Wen Ran.
But now, Nan Xi desperately wanted to ask his own heart: did he like Wen Ran, or did he like Orange?
After Orange returned, he couldn’t recover at all.
Why did the person Nan Xi liked have to be Wen Ran? He had to go through the same thing a second time.
His feelings for Wind hadn’t been as deep as his feelings for Nan Xi, so he was able to move on the first time. But now, he felt like he was living in Wen Ran’s shadow.
If the person were someone else, he could be jealous openly and complain to his friends, but this person was Wen Ran.
Wen Ran was his good friend and had always been so good to him, never doing anything to betray him. Such a good kid shouldn’t have to bear the anger of his own failed romance.
So Orange could only digest it himself, hiding all the grievance and bitterness as he hid in his room to cry.
His shoulders shook with his sobs.
Orange locked himself in his room and, in an act of self-torment, went to Weibo to search for things related to Nan Xi and Dawn.
For example, Nan Xi’s ID being “Want to protect Little Wen.” For example, Nan Xi replying to a fan under a post, “You can’t call him that; that nickname belongs to Dawn.” For example, when they queued together, Nan Xi always looked after Wen Ran’s emotions and gave him the best of everything…
The signs had been there all along. It turns out it was just his own unrequited wishful thinking.
Orange could no longer see the screen clearly. His tears fell uncontrollably, drop by drop, blurring his vision.
The way Nan Xi treated Wen Ran was truly different from how he treated others—it was blatant favoritism.
He once thought Nan Xi’s special treatment of him was because Nan Xi liked him too, or at least had some goodwill toward him. But now he realized that perhaps it was only because he was Wen Ran’s teammate, so he had basked in a bit of reflected glory.
Orange laughed in spite of his anger. He really was too narcissistic, hitting a wall time and again without knowing how to retreat, insisting on pushing things to this point and leaving himself with no dignity.
Orange buried his head in his quilt and wailed. He had never cried so hard before. To think a boy could lose face to this extent.
Meanwhile, Nan Xi stood at Orange’s door, raising his hand to knock.
But in the end, he lowered it.
Orange never came out, and Nan Xi stood outside his door for the entire night.
He thought about many things. There was no doubt he had liked Wen Ran in the past. But now, was it an obsession or a lasting love?
Nan Xi couldn’t answer.
However, he used to want to be with Wen Ran, to hug and hold hands. Now, seeing Wen Ran and Wind in a sweet and loving relationship, he didn’t feel that previous jealousy or desire for possession.
But every one of Orange’s tears had fallen onto his heart, turning into a scar.
He didn’t want Orange to cry at all.
Furthermore, he even felt uncomfortable hearing others call him “Orange-bao.”
If he didn’t like him… would he have such a strong sense of possessiveness?
Wen Ran had only stayed with him for a month and a half, but Orange had stayed with him for a full half-year.
At some unknown point, Orange’s place in his heart had grown heavier and heavier. He would pay attention to the other’s every smile and frown, and his heart would race because of certain actions Orange took.
He had been stuck in the self-made circle of “liking Wen Ran,” shutting Orange out, not wanting to lead him on, and rejecting his advances and love.
He finally knew where the point of conflict came from.
He liked Orange, but because of his obsession with Wen Ran, he had pushed him away.
And now, he had hurt him.
Nan Xi eventually didn’t wait for Orange to come out. Instead, he bought breakfast for the entire team and left it at the door.
Otherwise, if he were to deliver it so abruptly, Orange likely wouldn’t accept it.
What happened last night was far too unexpected. Even though he had somewhat figured things out now, he had just rejected the guy a few days ago saying he liked someone else. If he went to confess now, how could Orange possibly believe him?
He could only hope that Orange’s feelings for him wouldn’t fade so quickly, at least giving him a chance to apologize… and then confess.
After crying all night, Orange’s eyes were red the next day.
He had also come to terms with it. Since Nan Xi didn’t like him, he would stop pursuing him.
With things becoming so awkward between them, it would be miserable on the stage in the future.
The biggest taboo between teammates is a lack of communication and trust; this is a truth every professional player understands.
Now, this awkward relationship between him and Nan Xi was not a good sign for the team.
The transfer window was coming up soon. He might as well take the chance to leave this season.
He had come to Ni Feng because he liked Nan Xi and wanted to accompany him from the low point to the peak, to help him win a championship trophy that belonged to him.
If possible, he had hoped to date him too.
But now it had turned into this.
Orange never regretted his decisions and didn’t care much about the ratio of effort to reward.
With two championships, he had completed one of his original goals.
He had tried and he had pursued. Thinking back on his experience of pursuing Nan Xi, he had no regrets; the result just wasn’t very good.
Now, he should leave with dignity.
Orange went to find the manager and expressed his intention to be listed for transfer.
The manager, who had a smile on his face, instantly turned cold. “You’re leaving?”
“Why?”
The manager didn’t understand. “We just won two championships together. We can continue to achieve great results.”
Orange obviously couldn’t say it was because of internal friction with a teammate, so he made up an excuse. “I want to go to the south to take a look.”
The manager clearly didn’t believe him and could only comfort him, “Little Orange, I’ll ask about the listing for you, but your current market value is so high, I suspect it will be difficult.”
“Thank you for your trouble.”
Nan Xi stood at the door, hearing their conversation clearly.
His heart shuddered violently.
An Chenxia is leaving?
Translator’s Note: “Leaving with dignity” (體面地離開) is such a bittersweet concept. In the pro-gaming world, being “listed” (掛牌) means a player is officially up for sale/transfer to another team. It’s heart-wrenching to see Orange give up after everything he did for Nan Xi. But look at Nan Xi finally waking up! He’s realizing the difference between a past obsession and present love.
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